All I Have to Give
"Because I'm a guy who has nothing but his own heart." -Infinite's "Only Tears"
"What's wrong?" she asks me.
"Nothing's wrong!" I snap. "Just leave me alone!"
I know without looking that there are diamond tears in her eyes. Tears that I want to wipe away, tears that I hate myself for causing, but I can't because even her tears are beyond me. I have nothing. I am nothing.
"Why are you doing this?" she whispers. "Why are you pushing me away?" Her shaky hand rises as if she is going to touch me, but I flinch away, breaking my own heart.
"Look, just stay away from me, okay? I don't like you anymore!" I lie venomously.
"But...I-I thought you l-loved me!" she cries.
I do! I want to yell. I love you so, so much. And that's why I have to do this.
"I lied," I lie again coldly. "Did you really believe me? I was just playing with you."
She gasps, raw pain in her eyes, but I know it's nothing compared to the pain in my soul. She needs to leave soon, before I break down. She's too good for me. Too, too good. I don't deserve her.
She turns, biting her lip, and runs away. I have to square my jaw against my own tears.
I watch as she slides into the white limo and speeds away.
I'm sorry. I still love you. But it's not good enough.
A teardrop on my face. I look up at the gathering gray clouds. Even the sky is crying. But just like I was powerless to stop her tears, I am powerless to stop nature's.
I sigh sadly and turn away, walking back to my hovel of a home.
Life has lost all its meaning for me. But I continue to live. For her.
It wasn't always this way. No, there was a happy time when we loved each other openly and were inseparable. I never thought I'd have to leave her.
I'd thought she was a normal girl. I couldn't help falling in love. But then I found out who she really was.
She never tried to hide it from me. I was just an ignorant idiot who didn't realize that I was dating the heiress of the most successful business corporation in the country. But once I found out, I knew immediately it wouldn't work.
Who am I? A poor orphan barely able to support himself, let alone anyone else. How can I allow myself to distract her from her promising future? Why should I? I'm not even close to being good enough for her. She deserves so much better than me.
And so I push her away. I'll make her hate me. That's okay because at least she can move on to someone better. She'll be happy. And that's all that matters.
My cell phone rings. There are only two contacts in there: my best friend and her father. Because he was the one who gave me this phone. For emergencies.
Her number used to be in there too. But I don't need it anymore.
I look at the caller ID, but I already know who's calling; my best friend never calls. He just drops by my apartment without warning. So it's her father. As always.
"Hello, sir," I greet politely. "How may I be of use today?"
He sounds uncharacteristically panicked. When he talks, I know why. "My daughter!" he cries. "My daughter-she's gone!"
"What? What do you mean, gone?"
My voice is sharp, but for once, he's too worried to notice. "I'm not sure-she came home an hour ago and locked herself in her room-I assume you had something to do with that-and never came out! When I sent my butler up with some food, he said there wasn't any noise at all inside the room. The door was still locked and he had to use the spare key. When he got in, the room was empty and the window was open."
"What? Did she run away?"
"I don't know! At first I thought she went to you, but I can tell she's not there. Where could she be?" He sounded close to tears.
I was oddly calm. I had a feeling I knew what happened. "I think she's been kidnapped."
"What? By who? And why?"
"Sir, think about it. Your rival company has wanted to hurt you for years now, and they're not known for playing fair. They've probably had people watching you and your daughter for a while now. Today was the perfect opportunity."
"You're-you're right." The man sounded a little calmer. He asked shakily, "Then-then-where is she?"
"I'm not sure, but I think I know. They didn't leave a note or anything?"
"Then it has to be somewhere obvious."
"Yes, sir. It can only be that place."
I arrive at the dilapidated factory in five minutes. I have never run so fast in my life; I almost get hit by an unsuspecting car six different times. But I don't care. The only thought in my mind: I have to save her.
It has to be here. I know it. Everything started here. It was in this factory that her father was betrayed by his own employee and friend. His entire business almost collapsed. It was the first victory.
I'll make sure it's the last.
He won't take her.
I burst through the doors with no difficulty; their hinges have been rusting for years. The doors crash to the ground as I continue running until I finally reach the old machine room.
The room is huge, cold, and empty. It was once full of machinery, but everything's been moved out. It's all concrete-the ground, the ceiling, the walls-and there aren't any windows. A concrete prison.
There she is.
Strapped to a wooden chair, hands bound, mouth gagged, hair messy, without make-up-I've never seen her look so beautiful. Tear tracks run down her cheeks but her eyes are dry and fierce.
My heart hurts at the sight of her.
Her eyes widen when she finally notices me and she begins making odd noises in my direction. She shakes her head vigorously and there's panic in her eyes now-but why is she panicked? There's no need to be scared now; I'm here and I will make sure nothing happens to her.
I walk forward and kneel before her, staring straight into her eyes for the first time in a long time. Gently, I reach up and untie the gag, dropping the fabric on the ground. She spits a little to the side before turning back to me and whispering urgently, "What are you doing here? You need to go! It's a trap!"
I smile. Even at a time like this, when she's the one in trouble, she's worrying about me. She's too selfless for her own good.
"It's okay now. You're safe," I say.
"It's not safe here!" she hisses angrily. "Just go! Why are you even here? You hate me, remember?"
"I never said that." I could never hate you.
"It was implied."
"No, it wasn't."
"Yes, it was!"
"Is this really the time to be arguing about this?" I ask, exasperated. Has she not noticed the situation we're in?
"When else can we argue? You don't talk to me anymore! You don't-love me anymore," she chokes on her words.
"I can't. I'm not good enough for you."
"Stop saying that! Why would you think that?"
"Because it's true. I have nothing to give you but my heart."
"But that's all I want," she says, new tears streaming down her face. "Because I love you."
"But I keep making you cry. Look." I wipe away a tear.
"Only because you won't be with me!"
I just shake my head. Seeing her bound hands, I reach around her body, trying to feel her warmth for as long as possible, and pick at the knotted rope.
I feel her sharp intake of breath. I stare at her flushing face as I keep working at the knot and can't help but smile at the effect that I still have on her.
When her arms are finally free, they find their way around me and I lean into her, closing my eyes. She's so familiar.
We rest there for barely a second before I open my eyes again and look at her. She's already staring at me.
"What?" I say.
"I love you," she tells me again. "I love you, I love you. I don't care if you don't love me back. I love you, so get out of here now."
I smile and lean in, kissing her. Her lips are salty from her tears, but it doesn't matter.
Within the space of that kiss, she is mine again.
But she's gone all too soon. I lean my forehead against hers. I hear a faint footstep from the hall and I know what's coming.
"That was a goodbye kiss, wasn't it." It's not a question.
I pull her to me in a tight hug.
"W-what are you-"
"Shh," I cut her off. She buries her face into my chest, right over my heart. I can hear it beating steadily.
I'm not afraid.
"I love you," I whisper into her ear. She stills. "I love you more than anything in the world. I'm sorry I lied, but I'm not good enough for you. No, don't say anything. You deserve someone who can give you happiness."
I shake my head. "No. I would if I could, but all I have to give you is my love."
"And my life."
Instantly, she tries to pull away. I tighten my arm around her as my other hand reaches back pull out the gun I stuffed in the waist of my pants, hidden under my baggy shirt. The police are on their way.
There are more footsteps now. I think I hear some shouting. I breathe a sigh of relief. They're coming. Finally.
She's squirming in my arms. "No! No, you can't do this. I'll-I'll hate you!"
Surprisingly, I laugh. "No, you already said you love me. How can you change it just like that?"
"Please! I love you! Don't do this for me! I-" She's crying again. Really, the only thing I do is give her pain and tears so it's better this way.
The door behind me slams open. I cover her ears. A stranger's harsh voice shouts, "Hey, you! Step away from her!"
I turn, holding her tighter in my embrace.
"Not on my life." Then I lift the gun and shoot.
The police are on their way, but I know it'll all be over before they get here.
More men are pouring in. I shield her with my body, blocking out her screams and cries as I shoot and they shoot and the gunshots echo all around.
There it is.
The first hit.
It's weird. I hear the gunshot and feel the bullet, even feel the blood that rushes out of the wound, but there's no pain. It doesn't hurt.
Or maybe everything already hurts so much, a bullet doesn't matter.
I don't falter. I shoot the guy who shot me and keep going. There are more and more and I know I can't win, but I can hold them off for a few more minutes. Just until the police arrive.
The roar of blood muffles my ears to all other sounds. Each gunshot morphs into nothing, melting into the din, and even her sobs are quieted.
The second bullet hits my thigh and I slip a little. Not from pain, from the impact. I know she sees it this time because she screams but I just barely hear it.
I straighten and keep going. I get another twelve shots in before my chamber clicks empty, and I drop the gun, pulling out another from under my shirt.
During this exchange, I get hit a third time and for some reason, it really, truly hits me this time.
I flinch and slump over a little when the bullet shoves its way into my back. That's a little too close to my head for comfort, but I ignore it, clicking off the safety of my new gun and shooting.
My aim is worse now, though it wasn't great to begin with. All of a sudden, I can feel the screaming pain from the bullet in my back, stuck in a muscle that's being stretched as I raise my arm to shoot. Then my thigh begins to throb, and that first bullet, the one that sealed my fate, is on fire.
I groan from the overwhelming pain, my arm dropping an inch, but I keep shooting. I can't stop. I can't.
The fourth bullet, hitting the small of my back, slices through the muffled sound and I can hear again. I realize she's been screaming nonstop since the second bullet. Gunshots and shouts swirl through the air. More and more of them are falling from my shots.
But I'm missing more often now, wasting bullets, and I know I can't hold on for that much longer. Where the hell are the police?
It's like magic. Just as I'm thinking it, uniformed officers with their arms outstretched and guns ready in their hands burst in through the door on the opposite side of the room, the camouflaged one, and they run forward at the enemies, opening fire.
I sigh in relief. They're here. A little late, but here.
I allow myself to drop my gun and wrap both arms around her shaking body. My shirt sticks to my chest, and I realize it's because of all her tears. How has she cried so much water in so little time? Actually, how much time has passed?
Not that it matters.
As the police are flow in around us, I weakly pull her head up so I can look into her eyes one last time. Her puffy eyes are so cute, something I can notice even when I'm dying, and I kiss her gently one last time on the lips.
I pull back slightly, slumping over even more. She's the only thing holding me up right now.
"Why? Why would you do this?"
Slowly, I move my arm until my hand is at my chest, over my heart. I can't speak anymore, so I use my eyes instead. I know she understands.
Because I love you. And it's all I have.
"But I love you! You're all I want! Please, don't leave me!"
Always, I make her cry. But it's okay. Because this is the very last time. I know it.
I smile, her face already blurring. The pain is fading for me, as it will for her, with time. She'll move on and be happy with a better man.
She's safe now.
Then something hits the side of my head and I'm gone.
A/N: Wahhh, this is so tragic. TT_TT It was new for me to write something like this. I like it, though, because it's so unrealistic. :D Hahaha. Alo "I" probably don't sound like a guy at all...Well anyways. Enjoy!
Write on. Read on. That's my motto.
© Copyright 2012 by The Siege