A/N: Based on a nightmare I had. My greatest fear is being left behind by others, being alone. Always cherish those you have with you.
Some people say that high school, specifically, their senior year, is the most memorable and greatest time of their life. For me…well, it was memorable, that much is for sure. Really though, it wasn't great at all. It very much reminded me of my middle school years. For the most part, I was lonely. I didn't have all that many friends, so after school, I'd usually just relax at this park down the street from school. It was a nice place to go and relax. Not many people would go there, but, there was always this one kid in a blue hoodie who very much reminded me of myself back in the day. Like me, he didn't really have any friends. I wanted so much to go talk to him, but, I gave up on any hopes of friendship a long time ago.
Then, it finally happened. I ended up making some friends.
That lonely and often quiet park made it really easy to get lost in thought. Many times I would just bring a notebook and write in it while I was there, you know, poetry and the sort. It was a way to escape. Well, one day, a group of three teenagers from my high school showed up in the park. I'd seen them around from time to time, but really, I never talked to them. They were a tight-knit group of friends who were always hanging out. I never once saw them apart when in school. Anyway, one day, they approached me. Me, of all people! I remember it clearly; it was the red haired girl, Alice, who first approached me. She asked me what it was I had been writing. Without even waiting for an answer, she snatched my book and started reading my poems.
She just turned to me with a surprised expression on her face. She called over the other two, both guys, both tall, but one had long brown hair and the other had short, spiked blonde hair. Turns out, the three were so close that they eventually made a band. Seeing as how I already had poetry which, in a way, could be sang as a song, they wanted me to go along with them. I was so happy that day. I felt accepted. They became my friends.
We began to hang out every day, and on weekends, we'd hangout at Keith, the brown haired guy's house. While we were there, we did a bunch of things I never really had the pleasure to do. Videogames, movies, even a couple parties here and there. The enjoyment I received doing all of these activities were made so much better now that I had friends. Really, when trying to do all of those things when you're alone, it really brings you down with how much fun you're missing out on.
We began to try the whole "band" thing. Really, it was the other three who played instruments. I just wrote the songs, many of which weren't so good considering how bad I had been at singing, but they were always supportive. Alice would occasionally sing with me to help me get over my nerves, and really, she was amazing. There was only one mic, so, we both had to be close to sing at the same time. Whenever we did, however, this always seemed to be this, electricity, in the air. Still though, I wasn't as close with them as they were with each other, so every now and then I'd hang out at the park, relaxing and writing. I remember this one time, I saw the kid in the blue jacket again, this time, surrounded by friends. I never spoke a word to him, nor him to me, but we always noticed each other. This time, when he looked to me, I couldn't help but flash a smile and give him a thumbs up. He reminded me so much of myself.
As time went on, our little group started experiencing some problems. We tried getting gigs, to little avail. The blonde guy, Kevin I think, he was always the quiet one but he played some great rifts. Anyway, Kevin eventually left, tired of our, "second-rate garage band". Although I wasn't too close to him, I still felt sad when he left us. Even more problems arose when we neared the end of our school year. With just the three of us, all dreams of being a band were destroyed. We didn't have a guitarist, and for some reason, Alice and Keith didn't feel right about getting someone else in the gang. Oh, Alice…I remember she wept for days after Kevin's departure. In the beginning, it was her idea for the band, her chance of keeping her group of friends with her through everything that they'd go through in life. Kevin just threw it all out the window though…
I remember practicing so hard, just trying to learn the guitar, trying to cheer up Alice, just so I could see her smile once again. My fingers were left cut and bloodied from the constant practice, but no matter how much I practiced, I never seemed to get anywhere with it. I sucked at it. I eventually got so tired of seeing her so down, that I tried something that may have been seen as drastic. I always felt close to Alice out of the other two, and really, she was such a cute girl. I tried so hard to make her happy. I did so much for her, and after much thought, I finally sorted out my emotions. I truly did care about her, so, I confessed to her.
She shot me down… Turns out, she already liked someone else… Keith.
After that, I was more down than ever. Really, I didn't know what else to do. My friends who I cared for so much, who I cherished, just seemed to be getting more and more distant. Now, more than ever, I felt much more down when I was alone…I even started cutting again, something I only ever did when I was in middle school. The scars from them were still present…
The only way how I could explain what I felt…it wasn't "hurt"…no, it was much worse… I felt cold…"numb" …really, I felt lonely. It was like then. Back in middle school, I was once surrounded with friends, then, they all just seemed to leave me behind…
Time passed, I graduated, and once again, I found the strength to stop cutting. Really, it was an addiction. Kevin now hung out with others, Alice and Keith eventually got together and even were both accepted into the same college. And me, well, I was right back to where I began. Really, I was even lower than I had been before. I was given everything that I wanted, friends, then, I had that all taken away from me…given and denied…how fitting.
Just like then, I found myself back in that park, just a place that seemed so quiet and peaceful, a place where I could escape. To me, that park was my safe haven. I looked up and saw the boy with the blue hoodie again, this time, he was also alone. Maybe this place had just as much a calming effect on him that it did to me. This time, sitting at that same wooden picnic table that he always sat at, he had a knife. He seemed to be carving something into the wood.
He and I had a lot in common. Since the beginning, we were both lonely in this park, and then, once we got friends, they left us behind, once again. He reminded me so much of me…he practically IS me. It's time for this to stop, this, cycle of loneliness and misery. Really, we had both been suffering all this time. In the end, we were both just birds of a feather, so, I stood up, and made my way over to that picnic table.
I stood there and asked, very calmly, what it was that he was etching into the wood. He looked at me and…and…I cried. It was a much younger version of me. I wiped my eyes, trying to make sure I wasn't just seeing things, but when I opened my eyes once more, he was gone. I looked at the table. On it was an old engraving of a name…my name. Once again, I found myself back where I started. Once again, I found myself back at that lonely table…