In Your Blind Eyes
"Boys think of girls just like books; if the cover doesn't catch their eyes, they won't bother to read what's inside."
I see you.
You're walking out of school, looking as handsome as ever. It's like you haven't changed at all in the five years I've been gone, but maybe that's just your appearance. Maybe your personality has changed, gotten softer. Maybe I came here for nothing.
One can hope.
But then I hear the conversation between you and your friends and my hopes fall .I sigh. Looks like I have to do this.
I know the exact moment you and your friends notice me. I hear your voice, just like I remember it, say, "Hey guys, check out that girl over there."
I'm not looking at you guys but all of a sudden I can feel several pairs of eyes riveted on my back. If I were facing you guys, I know you'd all be staring at my chest. You're all crude like that.
One of your friends whistles and say, "She's hot."
"Hey, back off, guys, I saw her first," you say warningly.
"Fine, fine," they submit to you. "We'll see you back at the dorm."
"Yeah, see you," I hear you say and I square my shoulders, ready.
A gentle finger taps my shoulder. I turn around to face your confident smirk. "Hey," you say, probably thinking you sound really cool and attractive, but I can barely stop myself from laughing at how ridiculous you seem to me.
So I just say, "It's been a while."
You look at me with wide eyes, dragging your eyes over my body again, searching for some sign of familiarity, but you won't find any. "Wait, do I know you?"
I smile. "Not really, I guess. Not anymore. I've changed a lot. Because of you, you know. Well, no, I guess you wouldn't know. But I suppose I should thank you. Because of you, I'm beautiful now."
I'm not bragging. It's simply the truth. I know what beauty looks like-classic, conventional beauty-because I was once ugly, gazing upon all the beautiful people that surrounded me. Now I am beautiful, the envy of all the uglier people around me.
All thanks to you.
You still have a look of confusion on your pale, handsome face. My lips curve upward slightly. "Still confused? Good."
"No, seriously, do I know you?" You begin to look panicked. I can tell what you're thinking: who is this pretty girl? Should I know her? Oh, crap, I don't recognize her at all!
"You wouldn't recognize me now. Here, let's sit down and I'll tell you a story." I lead you to a nearby bench and we sit, facing each other.
"No interruptions, okay?" I say sweetly.
I begin my story. "Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was ugly and fat and everyone bullied her. She had no friends. She only had her dreams. She dreamed of being pretty one day, so that she could be surrounded by friends like all pretty people are. She survived on these dreams until high school. And then something happened. Can you guess what it was?"
You shook your head, your eyebrows furrowed.
"Of course you can't. Let me tell you: she fell in love. Well," I amend, "she thought she had fallen in love, but it was really just a stupid little crush on a good-looking guy. I won't tell you who the guy was because you'll figure it out eventually. Anyway, she was infatuated with him and had daydreams of him seeing through her ugliness to the normal girl she was inside, a girl just like any other. Of course, it didn't happen. The first time she came into direct contact with him, he shoved her and sneered at her, asking her why she was so ugly. He said he didn't know there were such ugly people alive in the world."
I see a light slowly enter your eyes; you remember. Vaguely, but you do.
"What a rude guy, right? You would think that she'd stop liking him right away because he was such a jerk. But no, she took his words to heart and decided to change. For him." I shake my head sadly. "What an idiotic girl, right? But she was determined. She tried to lose weight, but it only made her body even more disproportional because the fat was dissolving from random parts of her body. She tried using makeup but it just made her look like an ugly clown. She tried to fix her stringy hair, make it smooth and shiny, but she just made it worse, even drier and stringier, and it began to fall out." I can feel the tears coming to my eyes as I speak, but I force them down, scolding myself. I'm not that weak anymore. I'm strong now. I'm wiser. I've changed.
Slowly, a frightened look slides over your flawless face. It would amuse me if I didn't pity you so much.
I continue, "Then one day, she got beaten up by a group of pretty girls. Pretty mean girls. They scratched her, punched her, pulled out more of her hair. They made her bleed, inside and out. And the worst part? When her crush came across her lying on the ground, bleeding, torn up, half-conscious, he just laughed. She almost decided to die right there. But then she thought, 'No. I need to be stronger. I'll show them. I'll be prettier and better than them all one day.' So she left the school. She disappeared for five years. Is it all coming back to you now?"
You're literally trembling and trying to scoot away from me discreetly. You look so pathetic. If I were like you I would have laughed, but I know I'm the better person. I just watch you expressionlessly.
"Now she's back. Five years later, she has returned to show everyone a new her. And it worked, didn't it? You didn't recognize her at all." I lean forward calmly as you lean back quickly. "You didn't recognize me at all."
"N-no," you stammer. "H-h-how can-but y-you-what-"
"I was hoping that you had changed, but you haven't. Not at all." I shake my head sadly. "Instead of seeing me as a human being, you just saw a pretty face and a hot body and tried to hit on me. But I'm the same person inside as I was five years ago, only stronger. You didn't want anything to do with me then. Why is it that you just couldn't see past my ugliness? Looks fade, you know. You won't always look so handsome."
I'm not sure my words are even sinking in now. You look like you're scared out of your mind, but I can't force myself to care.
"I made the same mistake, though. I saw your handsomeness and thought that such a handsome guy couldn't be mean. But I was wrong. I couldn't see past your beauty to the ugliness inside. Your soul is rotten," I hiss, "and your heart is black. I pity you and any girl who falls for you, because neither of you knows true beauty. You're so superficial that it makes me sick."
I realize what I'm saying and I straighten, calming myself. "I'm sorry. I promised myself not to get too angry, but I couldn't help it."
I glance at my watch and frown. "Oh no, is it this late already? I've spent too much time here." I stand up, smoothing down my hair and clothes. I look at your cowering figure one last time, and give you these parting words, "I feel sorry for you because you are blind. I can only hope that you'll open your eyes someday, but it's probably pretty difficult to fix your soul. Farewell. We won't meet again."
Then I turn and walk away without a backward glance because I don't need to look at you anymore. I can stand on my own now, looking out into the world with unshuttered eyes while you-you will always be blind.
A/N: HAHAHA. I'm not even gonna say anything. So enjoy! If you can. :P
Write on. Read on. That's my motto.
© Copyright 2012 by The Siege