Authors Note: Struggling again. This is pretty much the conversation between me and Ana and Mia latley. I'll be updating (hopefully). Because it isn't done. But just a warning, it could be triggering. If any of you struggle with any of this, feel free to message me. So yeah, this is a story about eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia) and it's pretty much whats going on in my life right now. Totally true. So please, no hate please. It's hard enough without it. Love you all!
I've missed you so much! It's been so long since I've seen you. I've been on observation and meds and they've made me fatfatfatfat and I'm sooooo glad to have you back in my life! I REALLY need you're help, I swear, I am SUCH a fat ass. Please, I miss being bone thin and hollow-stomached and nearly passing out from the hunger... I miss those days when I was 13, 5'5 and 82 pounds... I'm so huge now; I can see the rolls of fat hanging from every inch of my body. I want to be SKINNY! I need to lose again. I need to thin. It's all that I want.
Sincerly, BiPolar Unicorn
Dear BiPolar Unicorn,
Wow... you really do need me don't you? You must feel horrible! And you really should. For gods sakes you're a pig. I promise that I'll stick with you. I won't let Them push me away like last time. They didn't even know that we were friends. They were too busy dealing with the more 'prominent' problems like Self-Harm and Suicide. They didn't even notice that I had crept your mind and taken ahold. They thought that you being underwieght had to do with Depression. And yeah, she can play a part in it sometimes, but it was ME who got you so close to perfection. Have you talked to Mia latley? It's even better when her and I work together. Anyway, you need to start ASAP! As in NOW! We'll start off with putting you back on your 500 calories a day or less diet. And start keeping you're food/weight diary again to keep you on track. You're mom has a copy of Vouge in her upstairs bathroom. Steal it and cut out the pictures of the superskinny girls and plaster them in you're journal so you can look at them anytime you need Thinspiration. And speaking of that, get involved with your Pro-Ana websites again. They provide support, and even though they don't '"encourage" me, it's pretty hard not to feel guilty if you're on one of those sites and you've been binging or breaking your fast. Hopefully it'll keep you from going astray. Also, make sure you take your weight daily. I promise we'll get you back down to at LEAST 95 in no time!
Much love, Ana
Every single calorie consumed is written down and my weight is recorded religiously. Yeah, I've been in contact with Mia recently, actually, she's what's kept me sane while you've been gone. I've learned some things about keeping away the dizziness since last time, and I'm better at hiding it too. I fell down the stairs the other day at school because I passed out... It's fine though, because no one was around besides a friend of mine. My friend thought I might be slipping back into my old ways, but don't worry, I won't let her stop me! I think I've convinced her that I'm fine. I'm sorry I let myself get this way. I'm horrid aren't I?
Love, BiPolar Unicorn
Hi! Guess what? Ana is back! She'll help me and we'll all work together again. I'll get back to tiny. It'll be wonderful. So make sure you're always around whenever They make me eat (gross) so that I can get rid of it all. Purging has helped me so much. Thanks again!
Love, Bipolar Unicorn
Dear BiPolar Unicorn,
Ana is back? That's great, because you know that I alone am not always enough. Ana is very talented, but you aren't mixing up with Self Harm or Depression anymore right? And not Suicide? Those guys are bad; you can hide your weight because you don't wear it on your arms like Self Harm. Depression is hard to mask and Suicide is the end. You can never be beautiful and perfect and skinny if you are influenced by him again. Don't let them get to you! Loveskies!
I... I still see Self-Harm sometimes, but not very often. And I'm done with the other two. I promise, I'll work on it! Love you!
Thanks so much, BiPolar Unicorn
Dear BiPolar Unicorn,
If you aren't skinny, you're ugly. Being thin is wayyyy more important than being healthy. Empty is strong. Never eat without feeling guilty.
Do you remeber those Thinspiration quotes? You better, because you are a fat ugly pig.