I try to run, but I still crawl

I try to fly, but I still fall

I try to speak, but I still stay silent

I try to smile, but I still frown

I try to be normal, but I'm still awkward

I try to tell people my feelings, but I still lie and say I'm fine

I try to gain friendship, but I still end up losing everyone

I try to be confident, but I'm still a coward

I try to stand up for myself, but I still let people walk over me

I try to be close to my family, but I still feel lost and alone when I'm with them

I try to control my angry outbursts, but I still loose control

I try to cope with my problems, but I still cry at night because of them

I try to have romance, but I'm still not good enough for any boy

I try to admit I'm wrong at times, but I'm still stubborn

I try to have faith in my religion, but I still don't have enough energy to put my whole self into it

I try to be happy with myself, but I still feel worthless and expendable

I try to keep promises, but I still break them

I try to be creative, but I still have blanks in my head

I try to have confidence in my work, but I still feel that it's terrible

I try to comfort people when they're sad, but I still don't know what to say or do

I try to have hope for the future, but I still dread the days to come

Why do I feel this way?

Why am I the way I am?

I honestly have no idea

But I hope it changes someday