A/N: Song "Same Love" by the artist Macklemore. If you haven't listened/watched the video, please go straight to youtube. Do not pass go. Share the link around. I don't care what your favorite type of music is, the message in this song is just incredible. Oh, and, have a tissue or two ready if you watch the video.
In the end, we decided that the simplest solution to concerns about working together was to talk to Indigo, and let her make the decision, since Sebastien didn't have any particular concerns. Indigo shrugged, stating that he was the client, and if it wasn't a concern for him, it wasn't for Indigo, either. He had provided very clear plans for what he wanted, anyway, so we wouldn't have much contact after the initial meeting for several weeks while my team and I laid the ground work for what he needed.
Once we had enough together to show him what we were doing, which would take about a month, we would meet on a weekly basis for about an hour and that was about the only time I would see him in relation to the project. Sebastien and I got along fine, so I put any concerns aside and focused on providing him with the best end product my team and I could produce. Not that I'd have done any different if it was any other client.
The next three weeks passed in a blur as Sebastien and I settled back into our familiar routine of dinners and weekends spent together. Now that I had cracked the tough shell open, I found myself increasingly fascinated by this man. The moments of confusion and uncertainty I'd been having about being involved with another man were coming less and less frequently, and more and more often, I found myself in that teenage infatuation mooning state where if I wasn't careful, my attention would just slide away from whatever task I was up to and I would find myself wondering what he was up to.
I also continued to struggle with my libido more than I had since high school. I had never responded to any of the women I dated like this, and to be honest, the sex, though good, had never been this great. I'm talking, mind numbing awesome. He had found buttons you couldn't have paid me to believe I had before he pushed them.
I was still hesitant to say that if things didn't work out with Sebastien, I would completely switch teams, but I really tried not to think about that too much; I found myself increasingly hopeful that it was a decision I would never have to make.
The only thing about Sebastien's history that I found particularly alarming was the fact that he had never tried monogamy before; I worried sometimes in those dark, quiet moments at night when I let my thoughts drift as I lay waiting for sleep to claim me that my fumbling, novice attempts in bed would leave him wanting. That one man couldn't possibly be enough for someone with his extensive history. By the light of day those fears faded, washed away under a tide of reassurance that I had once been every bit as bad as he was at one point, and I had found it within myself to generally leave that lifestyle behind. I had no doubt that Sebastien was strong enough to as well if he wanted to, and he reassured me often that he did want to.
I still worried at times about the odd mix of feelings he seemed to have for me. He was slipping into his suspicious mindset less often, but there were still moments when he misunderstood my words, or thought that I was pulling away from him for no good reason. Then, not five minutes later he would be telling me how incredible I was, how perfect. It made me uncomfortable that he was still having trouble figuring out just what he thought; worse, I he really didn't take me seriously when I brought it up; didn't believed that there was, in fact, a problem of any kind.
But, no relationship is perfect and that's why you date; you need time to work the kinks out between the two of you, you need to determine what you can and cannot live with, so I chose not to worry too much about these things, instead forging ahead with getting to know him.
The Friday three weeks after he had gotten back from his impromptu little trip saw him fidgeting and pacing in my apartment, hand worrying at that hair of his, sweat beading lightly on his upper lip and green eyes flashing in trepidation.
"Relax, Bastien." I told him, stopping his frenetic pacing with a hand on his shoulder. Really, it was kind of adorable how nervous he was. "There are only going to be, like, three people there aside from us, and you already know Manda. You don't even have to meet Jay tonight. It'll be fine. We'll be there for an hour or so, have a beer or two, and walk back here."
I had picked tonight to bring him in for the first time since most of the usual crew was busy with one thing or another and wouldn't be there. Manda had started joining us about a little over a month ago at my invitation. Her personality mixed well with the rest of the group, and I had honestly invited her with the thought that a familiar face besides mine might make Sebastien a little more comfortable.
He calmed a bit under my touch, but he was obviously still tense. I had asked him repeatedly what it was that had him so worried, but he pulled those amazing evasion tactics into play, and I couldn't quite figure out if he was nervous because they were my friends and he wanted their approval for my sake, or if he was just that shy in social settings he wasn't in charge of. Whatever. I shrugged and pulled him back into my chest, wrapping my arms around him. We stood like that for a long moment as I tried to will him calm. It didn't really work, but he did lose some of the manic look that had been shining in his eyes.
Finally he sighed, kind of slumping into me. "Alright, I'm as ready as I'll be. L-let's go." He told me. I tried not to show my surprise at his light stutter, but apparently I couldn't quite keep it off my face. "Look, Jason, it's just... I don't really do social. I never have. I kept to myself in high school to hide what...was happening at home. And after that it was just...safer. On the streets, and especially after I started, uh... anyway, like I said, it was just safer if you only had one or two people who knew you well enough to know things like where you stayed and what your routine was. Alex and I kept our heads down, and we got to where it was just us and that was all we needed, you know?"
I gave him a gentle, understanding even smile as I encouraged him out the door. Part of me just wanted to make it easy for him, to just stay in, but if we wanted this to work between us, he was going to have to learn to be more social than that. As we were stepping out of my apartment to start the short walk to the pub, I asked the question that had been niggling at me since the whole shy nervous behaviour had struck full force.
"If you're so uncomfortable being around people, how do you manage those big parties? Why wasn't lunch at work this bad?"
He gave a bit of a huffed sigh as we walked, and I tucked my hand into his elbow, leaning into him as he answered. "The work lunch thing... I tried covering up the fear with anger. I am sorry I snapped at you. Then I just...faked it. Plus, I managed to partially convince myself it was kind of a work thing, which helped a lot. As for the parties and business meetings, that's different." He paused for a moment, as if considering his words. His arm pulled free of mine and wrapped around my shoulder—it took us a moment to get our steps synced up, but it didn't take long before my arm was wrapped around his waist and I was fighting back the urge to just pull him to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk and bury my nose in his neck, lose myself in his scent. No question, I had it bad. I cleared my throat, dragging my horny brain back to the conversation at hand.
"So how is it different?" I challenged.
"It just is. I mean, work...business meetings, charity dinners, those are all my world. I create the situation, I control it. I don't have to worry about offending people; they have to worry about offending me."
I didn't really have a reply to that. It sounded...frankly, it sounded quite self serving and fairly egotistical, but then, this was a man who had had everything ripped away from him, every bit of control he had over his own life for years. I could see where control was so mandatory for him now. It also gave me a fair bit of insight into why he was struggling with what was happening between us.
"Hmm." I acknowledged after a full block had passed and we were nearly at the door to Patrick's. "Well, you may not have set this up, but you do have the ability to just get up and leave if someone does something that you don't like." I told him. The smile he gave me in return was grateful, but no less nervous. Ah, well, I'd tried. "We're here!" I announced brightly, separating myself from his side so I could open the door and usher him in.
The hostess recognized me instantly, giving me a cheeky grin and pointing to the table the group usually tried for if we got there early enough to snag it. She gave a very approving once over of Sebastien, and I felt myself prickling a bit with jealousy. Okay, that was new... I shook my head at myself, and continued on toward the table, Sebastien in tow.
Tab, Scott, and Manda were already there and I guessed that Jenna probably wasn't too far behind. As I introduced him around, I noticed Tab's eyes widen noticeably in surprised recognition as they shook hands, though Sebastien didn't seem to notice. I felt my brows draw together for a moment before waving it off as recognition from the media or something.
Half an hour later, Sebastien had unwound a bit, finally getting into the conversation, but I had long since realized that Tab was definitely trying to communicate something to me non-verbally. Finally I excused myself to the restroom, and Tab quickly did the same. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I knew I didn't. I knew, based on the furtive, purse lipped looks he had been darting at Sebastien, and the worried looks he had been giving me, I knew that his recognition of Sebastien wasn't from the media.
I didn't want to hear what he had to say but I needed to anyway, so I made an opportunity to let him tell me what he felt he had to. We hadn't even walked into the back hall before he was talking, voice low, urgent, and a bit sorry sounding.
"Look man, I don't really know how to tell you this, but I think you need to know." He started. I felt my stomach sink, anticipating his words. "That guy... he's kind of well known in the club circuit as a bit of a sl..uh..." He trailed off, swallowing nervously as we stepped into the men's room, the noise from the bar cutting off as the door swung shut.
I felt a small bit of relief roll through me. "A bit of a slut?" I asked, knowing full well he had choked himself off before he insulted me. He nodded at me apprehensively. "And?" I prompted.
"Just, uh. I dunno. He doesn't...I just wanted to tell you to be careful, okay?"
I nodded, thinking for a moment, so incredibly grateful that he hadn't dragged me back here to tell me Sebastien had fucked him and completely forgotten him or something that really could have caused problems. "Has he been there lately?" I couldn't, honestly think when he would have had time to fit it in, and even if he did, dancing at a club or two wouldn't be proof of him looking for something on the side, but I was curious.
Tab flushed a bit under the bright bathroom lights. "I don't actually know." He said weakly. I tipped my head sideways and raised a brow. Tab was out at the clubs every weekend, partying hard. Honestly, he really probably wasn't one to be accusing Sebastien of being a bit slutty, but then again I would have been the first to warn someone I knew and liked off of dating anyone from the crowd I ran with back in my college days.
Still, he knew all of the regulars, just as he had recognized Sebastien right away, so why didn't he know if Sebastien had been there lately? "Tab? Why don't you know?" I prompted.
"I uh... look, I'm just not really ready to talk about it, okay?" I opened my mouth to pry a little more when the bathroom door swung open and a couple of college students, already three sheets to the wind stumbled in, hanging off of one another and generally making a ruckus. I sighed and let it go.
"It's alright." I told Tab as we walked out the door. "I know about his past; he's actually been really open about things lately, and I just have to trust him." Tab nodded uncertainly at me, so I gave him the only other reassurance I could. "Look, you've heard the stories Jay's told about how I got around in college, right? If I can reform, anyone can." I gave Tab an easy smile. "Just try to like him, okay? If you get any proof he's doing anything, let me know."
"Okay, sorry to doubt, man." Tab said as we came in view of the table.
"No worries. Thanks for looking out for me." I answered, giving his hair a ruffle. I checked Sebastien over as I sat down, relieved to see that he didn't look terribly uncomfortable for having been left alone with Scott, Jenna and Manda, though I had to roll my eyes at the two upside down shot glasses in front of everyone but Jenna.
"You couldn't have waited for us?" I asked loudly, poking at Sebastien's empties. They looked...very sticky. And the residue was vaguely...pink.
"Trust me." Sebastien muttered, reaching over to grab beer and take a big mouthful, swishing it around in his mouth with a scowl. "You didn't miss anything."
Manda smiled happily as she replied. "Hey! Everyone needs a little sweetness in their life once in awhile!"
"That was like drinking strawberry flavored sugar though." Scott sniped back, also doing his best to kill the taste with his own rum and coke. I laughed as the sniping went back and forth around the table, happy to see Sebastien relaxing enough to join in with the playful barbs. Leaning back in my chair I ordered a round of buttery nipples and one of sex on the beach. Because honestly, why not?
Jenna would DD anyone who needed it, if she wasn't able to I was sure that Sebastien could easily be persuaded to call Drew. See? There was some benefit to having a rich boyfriend. Boyfriend. Yeah, I was growing increasingly fond of the way that sounded. In my head, and out loud.
The evening went much longer than I had expected as everyone tried to worm their way through Sebastien's careful defenses, and to my surprise he opened up at least a little. None of the darker aspects of his past came out which was no surprise to me, but he talked animatedly about what he was up to now. I wondered, as I watched him charm my friends, if I was seeing the Sebastien that had stuttered and been on the verge of panic in my apartment beginning to relax, or if I was seeing the Sebastien that paraded before the news cameras and escorted his sister to charity events all while hiding behind his impenetrable walls of perfection and false charm.
The evening was thoroughly enjoyable, going far longer than I had ever expected. Sebastien seemed to slide into the group dynamic well. I spent most of my time leaning back in my chair, watching everyone interact with him. He wasn't particularly forthcoming about his past, but honestly, I would never expect that from him given what he had told me. He did have a lot of fun stories and was amazing at small talk. Basically, he charmed everyone at the table easily, seeming to become increasingly relaxed as he realized that they were accepting him.
Another round of shots was done, then appetizers were ordered. Then more appetizers. In the end, we ended up staying for several hours, eating and shooting the breeze. Sebastien continued to gradually relax, and by the end of the evening he was happily chatting and joining in on discussions about modern gossip. I asked quietly a few times if he wanted to leave, but he reassured me that he was fine. I was ecstatic that everything seemed to be going so well.
By the time we left, I'm pretty sure we had ordered the entire appetizers menu at least three times, and a few more rounds of drinks had been consumed. Rides were sorted, goodbyes said, and I tugged Sebastien to the sidewalk outside, intending to drag him back to my apartment. He stood watching the rest of the group walk off with an indecipherable look on his face so I interrupted his introspection with a hard tug on his arm, setting him off balance enough that he had to grab onto me to catch his center of gravity.
We both laughed for a moment, then locked eyes and had one of those moments. The kind of electricity flowing between us that had drawn my eye to him repeatedly, over and over, starting with the dance floor the very first time I saw him. Really saw him. My breath caught in my throat for a moment, and I couldn't help but lean up and press my lips to his. God, he just... I sighed into the gentle press of his lips as we wrapped around one another, completely and utterly ignorant of everything happening around us.
Cat calls drew my attention, and I glanced over at the street to see Jenna's car briefly slowing down, Tab and Scott leaning out the window with huge grins on their faces as they both made dirty gestures at us. Sebastien gave that tight little smirk of his, but he couldn't quite cover the light flush of pink that stole over his cheekbones as they drove off. For whatever reason, my cheeks felt a little hot as well though, so I didn't call him on it.
The walk home was quiet; Sebastien was obviously deep in thought and I was enjoying the quiet evening, the fresh air, and the light buzz of a few drinks and an evening of laughter and companionship too much to try and pry down his walls. It wasn't until we were about a block and a half from my place that he slowed our pace a bit and started to speak.
"That was...interesting." He said, voice low and hesitating.
"Interesting?" I parroted with a grin. I noticed a little old lady sitting on her apartment stairs glaring at the way we walked hand in hand and I gave her my biggest, wolfiest grin as I pressed harder into Sebastien's side, wrapping my arm around his waist.
"Yeah," he drew out a bit, obviously not noticing my performance or the huff of the woman as she got up and stormed into her building. "It was... I enjoyed it. I didn't expect to enjoy it. And stop trolling your neighbors."
Okay, so apparently he had noticed. "Oh, fuck her. I'm happy so what right does she have to look down on us?"
Sebastien just shook his head at me. "You know, for someone who is only just figuring out they like other men, you are certainly more comfortable with it than it seems like you should be."
"So you've said." I told him with a grin. "So you had fun tonight?"
"Hmmm. I did." He confirmed with a nod, though his forehead was drawn in thought still.
"But?..." I prompted. I could just feel the but hanging silently at the end of his sentence.
He sighed. "I don't know. I...it was fun. I had fun. I mean, yeah." There went that hand, tugging away at his carefully arranged hair. "I just..." He stopped, pulling me to a halt as he turned me to look at him, ignoring the few people still bustling around us on the sidewalks. "I don't understand why, but I enjoyed it. And I don't want to go again next Friday. And I'm still terrified of meeting your other friends. And I...fuck." He cussed softly. "Why can't I do this?"
As Sebastien had been more and more open to me, I was slowly but surely discovering that he was and entirely different person under all those hard, rigid walls he had built around himself over the years. I had seen glimpses here and there in the early stages of our relationship. The morning after... That Friday he had been the most raw I had seen him yet. The flash of anger he'd used to cover his nerves in the cafeteria the day I introduced him to my friends was another memorable moment.
It was... kind of fascinating, to be honest. I hadn't really ever given much consideration the the thoughts and emotions of someone else in the past, but watching Sebastien's slow transformation was absolutely riveting. I think it helped that I was beginning to truly care for him; something about him made me want to see him shed those layers, in a way I had never cared about anyone in the past.
This is what had been missing with Ari, I realized. What Jay had tried to explain to me so many times. That someday, I would find someone who really did make me care. And right at this moment, he was watching all of these little realizations flash across my face, an endearingly nervous look on his face, and it occurred to me that he was probably worried I'd be pissed about the fact that he didn't feel like he wanted to come out again.
"Sebastien, it's not going to come over night." I sighed and tugged on his arm to get him to continue; we were only a half block from my apartment now and this conversation would be easier on the couch with a beer than out on the street with strangers surrounding us. "You've never really socialized, and I can imagine that the concept of it must be overwhelming. Just...remember how much fun you had tonight, remember that no matter how you feel about it, you're still in control of yourself, if not the rest of the people there, and you can get up and leave if the situation gets uncomfortable. So just...suck it up and keep going to these kinds of things. They'll keep being fun, and eventually you'll look forward to them instead of dreading them."
He gave me a look that clearly said 'uh huh, right' but he didn't argue, and before long we were pushing through the door to my apartment. It didn't take but a moment before I rather surprisingly found myself pressed face first into the door. Guess the conversation was done.
One of the biggest changes that had come about in the past weeks was Sebastien's approach to the sexual side of our relationship. I think, in addition to being afraid of the increasing involvement of emotion, he had been afraid of scaring me off, new as I was to the ways two men's bodies could fit together. What I hadn't really known was how domineering he could be. How much he enjoyed variety, spontaneity, and a bit of kink in the bedroom. Or kitchen table, living room floor, shower, or nearest flat surface.
God, I loved it. Every bit of control he exerted over me, every bite, every new touch, and fuck, what he was doing to me right now. His body pressed mine into the door, his heat and weight against my back, the sudden, unexpected loss of control, the hovering possibility of violence that had my face throbbing where he practically ground it against the door. My cock throbbing right along with it.
"Ngh..." I muttered in mild protest, unable to get much more out, because the air was forced from my lungs, his hand on my face holding me tight in place as he undulated his hips into my ass. His breath was hot and heavy across my neck as he lowered his mouth to my skin, drawing goosebumps over my entire body. We stayed in that moment together for an indistinguishable period of time, him reveling in the control he held over me, and me just soaking him in. I could feel myself trembling, and God, who knew this was what had been missing for me? That the lack of this kind of strength, this level of control was what had left me unsatisfied after each fling to the point that I had just drifted through partners like many people consumed meals.
Eventually he slid away from me, muttering an apology that was just ridiculous. I turned and grabbed his arm, pulling him back in and just plastering myself against him, making sure he could feel how hard I was; what if was he did to me. "Fuck." I gasped as I managed to break away from the kiss I hadn't really meant to start, "If you're gonna do stuff like that every time I force you into a situation you don't have total control, we're gonna have to do that a whole lot more socializing." Relief flooded in his face, like he had been worried he had been too domineering and this reassured him.
"God Sebastien, I... need... I mean, I want NGH!" My words and my thoughts fractured as he responded to my enthusiasm and used the lack of access to my mouth as I tried to speak as an excuse to rain kisses across my neck and do really, really naughty things to my ear.
"Fu-uck." I panted, not entirely sure I wanted to stop him long enough to gather my thoughts, but somehow I managed to get up the will to push him off of me before he got me stripped. I pushed him back inches at best, just enough to get some air between us. "Sebastien, I need..." I stalled out. How exactly did you ask for this anyway? For what I hadn't had since that night that started all of this.
His eyebrows arched, enough amusement in his expression that I knew he was fully aware of what I wanted. He hadn't taken me again since that first night, and oh, my God I wanted it. I wanted to see if the alcohol infused memories of how amazing it had been held up to the light of sobriety. I wanted to...I needed...I just. "Please." I whispered, voice fracturing under that intense look he was giving me.
"What do you want, Jason? You know you have to say it." He told me, voice firm.
"I..." My voice gave out and I swallowed. What did I want? "I want...I want you... in..." Where had my normal confidence gone?
"In?..." He asked, using my earlier trick of parroting what was said. I just stared at him, eyes wide, and brain melting under the thoughts of exactly what I wanted. What I craved. Needed. "You need to tell me, Jason." He purred, gathering me closer, sliding his thigh between my legs, a hand going to my ass and pressing me against himself. And yeah, there went a few more brain cells. Bubbyee.
"Huh... I... ungh." Presidential speech worthy, right there.
"You want my fingers in your ass?" He whispered, hand sliding up to my lower back then down the back of my jeans, scraping across bare skin. I planted my teeth in the cotton of the light jacket he wore; huh. We hadn't even gotten as far as taking off our outer wear yet. Go figure. "You want to have my cock here?" His hand moved lower, a long finger sliding between my cheeks and rubbing the sensitive skin around my pucker. I shivered. He laughed. A low, masculine chuckle that was almost entirely devoid of humour, but what it lacked there it more than made up for with the strong sexual undertones that raised goosebumps across already overheated flesh. "You want to feel yourself stretched, feel me moving, feel us connected like that?"
"God yes. Please. That. All of it, yes." I answered, voice breathy and gravelly and was that even me speaking?
"Mmm. Tomorrow." He told me softly. I pulled back in horror.
"T-tomorrow?" I demanded, eyes wide. I knew they were dilated. Cheeks flushed. "Now! God, now. You made me beg, Sebastien."
He just gave me a long, slow smile as he pulled me back against himself. I gave token resistance, but there wasn't a lot of strength behind it. "And I'm going to make you beg a whole lot more by the time I give you what you want." He told me, soft tone directly opposing the eroticism of his words. His hand smoothed up my spine in a calming gesture. I huffed and buried my head against his chest, willing myself calm. Dammit. Fuck. Shit. Asshole.
"Please?" I begged, wincing a bit at the desperation in my own tone.
"Tomorrow, Jason. I promise." He slid off his jacket and helped me with mine, guiding me to the bedroom with gentle movements.
"Why?" I asked, mulishly.
"Because we've both had some to drink, it's late, I want time to build up to it, and I want us both completely sober. I don't want it to be clouded by anything this time." So damn reasonable. No matter how much my body wanted it, I could hardly argue his logic. Didn't mean I had to give in gracefully, though.
I huffed and accused him of being an evil, evil man as he slowly stripped me, all the force, all that blatant seduction gone, replaced with something more tender, something reverential. He ignored my little tirade as I knew he would, soft kisses falling over every inch of skin he uncovered, tongue sliding over every dip and swell of muscle. The switch in tactics from so hard and demanding, so overwhelming and masterful to something so gentle and...damned if this wasn't loving...made my head spin.
My hands fell to his shoulders, to the soft cloth of the t-shirt that probably cost more than the one suit I owned, and I realized he was still fully dressed. And here I was without a stitch of clothing on at this point. Why did that make my heart race and my breath hitch? I held on for dear life as his mouth, hot and slick closed over the tip of my cock, tongue swirling wickedly, and then, fuck, he dropped down until h is nose was firmly planted in my pelvic hair, and I very nearly fell, and lost it and came, at the same time. Would have fallen if not for his strong hold on me. How I didn't come, I'll never know.
As the tip of my cock slipped into his throat, he swallowed and hummed, sucked and licked, and when a mysteriously slick finger brushed across my hole, then pushed in, my knees did give out, and he pulled away for a moment, chuckling a bit hoarsely as he guided me back to lean against the wall before picking up where he left off.
This time when the finger found my pucker he just thrust it in deep in one go. I gasped at the intrusion; then just about fell over again when he crooked his finger and... "Oh fucking holy damn shiiii-hhuuuhhh. SEB! God!" I gabbled as sparks flew through my bloodstream. "Doitagain." I gasped breathlessly. He did, and the sparks and his steady movements on my cock sent me right over the edge, one hand tangled in his hair, the other clutching helplessly at the wall.
As the waves of pleasure faded, my knees finally truly buckled and I slid down the wall. He gave a small tug as I slid and I ended up cradled in his arms as he smiled down at me. "Okay?" He said.
I nodded weakly, pressing my face into his neck. Would that ever get old? It hadn't yet, and we had certainly done it plenty of times now. He helped me up and led me to my bed, tucking me in and pressing a kiss to my forehead like a goddamned father. Ew, okay, bad thought. I looked up at him in surprise.
"You don't want..." He just smiled and shook his head, despite the obvious strain his jeans were under. "You're not staying?" I asked, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice. What was I, in high school?
He shook his head, looking no more thrilled than I was. "I have to be at the hospital really early tomorrow morning, and there are things I need from my place, but I get off earlier than normal. Will you be around at two?"
I nodded sleepily, and he leaned in to give me another gentle kiss before he leaned forward and nibbled along the shell of my ear before he left me with parting words that would no doubt haunt my dreams. "And then I'll drive you fucking insane before you beg me to take you."
As far as promises went, that one was pretty damn exciting.
A/N: I'm not swiping the work related stuff to the side forever, just putting it on hold for the purpose of the story. Now, kinda longass author's note giving a bit of my opinion on the story and explaining the reason (aside from IRL stuff) for the delay so please, by all means, TL;DR it and move on if you just don't care. LOL:
I want to apologize for the time this update has taken; this story is not like most of the ones I write. I've been attempting to just kind of...go with the flow. The characters all have pretty extensive backstory at this point, but they didn't to begin with, and they're...a bit odd. They aren't as rigid in their personality as most, b/c both of them had been living their lives as something they aren't. Jason b/c he wants to be better than he feels he is, and Sebastien b/c that's how he survives. This has been... a lot of psychology to 'play off the cuff' to speak, and something that I'm just not entirely up to as a fairly new writer. Now, I'm not saying that these characters and their story don't feel incredibly real to me, b/c they do. What I am saying is that this story is in MASSIVE need of editing. I had a comment and a long PM from two separate people on the same day basically telling me the same thing I already knew, that there are a lot of weaknesses here, and it kind of stalled me out for awhile, trying to decide whether I was going to edit, or just go ahead and finish the story. I have decided to finish it, imperfect characterization and all. B/C even in real life, people react in ways that are totally unpredictable. I'll maybe go back at the end and fix it, and I'll maybe just leave it as my first imperfect attempt at writing something in a method I normally don't employ. I haven't decided yet.
In addition to that issue, there was also the fact that there were three possible story lines I wanted to take from the point I left the final chapter. I have decided on one, but have struggled for nearly three weeks to get this chapter written. I'm still not thrilled with it; it's jumpy and there is a LOT changing between them that I take you through really quickly b/c of the three week time jump, but I didn't want to try chronicling it all in the minutiae. I wanted to give them a little bit of growth in both their emotional and physical relationship and not have to watch every baby step they took to get there. At this point, I'm anticipating that this story is about half over, but the tone is going to change some as we move into the next major story arches. This is erotica more than romance, so the smut level should still stay pretty high. XD
Please, feel free to criticize and critique. I'm not going to apologize for this story any more than I already have, b/c it is what it is...something that started as a one shot, and that I'm now trying a different method on that takes me out of my comfort zone, but I will be HAPPY to take suggestions on things that I can take into account when/if I eventually do go through for all of the edits. Please, if you're going to give constructive criticism, can it be helpful and specific, and not "Yeah, ur rite, ur characterization sux." Please? Thanks!
Now, love to y'all. Pretty much pure smut up next, and it's already written. It was this chapter that was KILLING me and holding me back so badly.
One more small note—I'm sorry for all of the typos and those creeptastic (in the creeper stalker not creeper creepy horror novel sense) words that somehow smuggle themselves randomly into sentences. If I want to edit my own stuff very thoroughly for that kind of thing, I need to put a good six to eight weeks of distance between when I write it and when I edit it, and...I doubt y'all want to wait that long and I'm just not that patient anyway. XD If it bugs you enough, I'd be happy to have you beta chapters. LOL