I don't know where to start this.
I guess you could call this a journal. I guess you can call this a diary.
I guess you could call this a place where I put all my insane thoughts.
Because, well, that's what I am. Insane. I'm placed in this...strange whirlwind of angst and pain; smothered by the misty fog of my tears and laughter. They say I'm crazy, but I don't think I am. Crazy, that is. I have the weirdest thoughts sometimes; so maybe that's why everyone thinks I'm a lunatic. But I'm really not. I'm just lost.
Have you ever felt lost? Smothering in your own emotions until you can't breathe, your tears welling up in your eyes and overflowing down your cheeks and dripping off your face in little drops of emotion-filled molecules. Or maybe you've felt lonely; pressed down by the high buzzing of silence. Or even maybe fear. Fear so hard that it will grip you in it's talons and ride off into the pits of hell with you.
I guess this is me: fear, anger, sadness- the ride of life never stopping for one moment as it batters me against the wall.
And I guess this is where the story begins.
I'm not going to lie; this isn't going to be one of those stories where everyone is perfect and the people are funny and witty and the plot is perfect. Real life isn't like that. I should know, I've seen enough of it to last me fifty lifetimes.
Maybe I should start off with my name. I never use my real name on anything anymore; too much thieves out there who would love to take it. My username; theAngerFlare is the perfect example of the burning flame within me. But; I guess for simpler reasons; you all can call me 'Aislin Thana'. Don't ask me where I got it- it sounds pretty and I'm going to use it.
So now that's settled.
As I mentioned before, people think I'm a raving lunatic. And I guess in a sense, I am, because there is no real definition of normal and there's nothing you can do to "not normal" people but slam them into a asylum. But I'm not in one, I'm just mostly sad.
But Aislin Thana, why are you sad?
Good question, my inner self. Why am I sad?
Because love freaking hurts.
Don't get me wrong, I love love. I love it when it's all good and fluffy and happy; I love it when the romance is just perfect and you're kissing in the rain. I have...ahem; had; a boyfriend. He was pretty much perfect for a boyfriend- cute, funny, he was my fucking best friend. Damn; did we have good times together. We danced once in the rain like they did in the movies to see if it was as magical as they said (it wasn't); we once baked cookies and really failed and we ended up watching a movie and cuddled with kittens instead. One time he even walked three miles in the hot, humid summer air just to see me.
It was one of those moments where life was simply perfect.
But whenever you get a little too happy, life says "Just kidding, bitch!" and knocks you down flat. You see, here recently there's been a lot of really bad things. Things that I really should've been smart enough to see coming, or smart enough to avoid, or maybe even had the slightest bit of common sense. But I didn't; and that's where I fell.
The guy and I broke up.
And I know what ya'll are thinking. Aislin Thana! Get over it! Dang, we don't need another Taylor Swift around here singing about her problems with men. Some of us have our own problems, ya know.
I do know. My problems aren't going to compare with the starving in Africa. But I'm talking about teenage angst here, guys. Being with a guy for almost two years and then having it crumble in front of you in less than an hour is enough to send any heart crashing down into the stomach. As I sit here and I think about all those good times we had together, it's literally taking all of my strength not to shed a single tear. Of course I end up failing and start crying my face off; and eventually I get so upset I curl up in my bed and fall asleep that way; but that's not the point here.
The point is: everyone's got a story.
And I'm the one who's going to tell them.