A/N: I just watched Les Misérables and the love story ticked me off to no end, so I decided write this. It's not FanFiction, just something Les Misérables inspired. XD I was also really bored, so yeah XP Now for my disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine. Poo...

Love at first sight really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, you may think 'Oh my! We're meant to be! I saw him walking his dog on my street!It's destiny!'

I thought all of the above. 'Oh yes, it's destiny.' I blame too much Yu-gi-oh! for that. I mean, crap, I'm with Kaiba on that one. I think there should be a drinking game and everyone drinks when someone says destiny in that show.

I saw him on just another Tuesday. He came into the Starbucks that I worked at before he himself went off to work. Sure, I had a boyfriend at the time, but his face made Gollum look like a friggin' supermodel, and why would I, a pretty, successful barista be with Gollum face when my Legolas was all of two feet away?

Yes, he was tall and gorgeous. He was a blonde-y too, and I really have a certain love for blonde-ies – just like Legolas, wink wink. However, his continence was more of a Draco Malfoy than a Legolas – like that mattered. Draco's hot too! Swoon.

He read my name-tag when he ordered his coffee. I can say quite certainly – I would've sworn it was love. He winked at me as he left the shop. I knew then. He was gorgeous and I worked at Starbucks. We were a match made in heaven.

He came back every day for a month before he finally asked me on a date. I said yes quicker than I could blink an eye. He smiled and walked off, all mysterious like. That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen – um, I mean, Jeremy Locker.

On our first date, I acted like a klutz. Yes, I played the "damsel in distress" card quite a few times that night. Oh well, I think Jeremy thought it was cute. I went out with him for two months, and every second I told myself that 'Dear Lord above! Thank-you! Destiny is real! Love at first sight is the most real thing in the world! Swoon.'

He popped the question after the first two months of dating. I was glad he didn't pull a Peeta and ask me to marry him fifteen years later. Then again, I am no Katniss. Really, I would shoot myself with those arrows – if that even possible – before I got to any squirrels.

Reader, I married him and if only I had Alice Cullen as my wedding planner, my life would've felt complete. Though, just as his looks of my smokin' Malfoy implied, Jeremy Locker had some dark secrets – like the state of his apartment.

It looked as if a mini typhoon had come a destroyed what could've been a nice apartment. I could've put my hand on a Bible and sworn that you could hide a dead body in there and not have it smell any worse. Literal tears came to eyes from the odor and disarray.

He also held more secrets I wouldn't know until days after our wedding. It was things like the fact that he saved every toenail clipping ever in jars and hid them in bathrooms. I felt like having an Aaahh! Real Monsters moment. Maybe he thought that Ickis, Oblina, and Krumm would stumble across them, take them as money, and leave him be. I really don't know.

Jeremy seemed like the most perfect guy ever, and now I see just how much inner creepiness one can conceal. What horrid inconceivability was going through my mind when I married him? Oh yeah, he's hot. That sounds about right.

Now I appear to be stuck in a marriage that is awful. He, I am afraid to say, is my Bertha Antoinetta Mason and I am the unsuspecting Rochester. Woe is me!

Then again, the light of the second Brontë gives me hope. Maybe Jeremy will die and I can marry his super-hot – if unfortunately illiterate – cousin! That would be nice. Ah, sigh.

Oh dear Reader, now you know just what horrors the truth of love at first sight really are. I am afraid I must make this brief, for I have an appointment with a layer soon, and I really must end this – uh, thing? – with Jeremy. I know I will break his heart, if only for a moment, but I can't bring myself to care.

Hopefully my really hot Jeremy won't strike down any other pretty, successful baristas. I also hope deep down that Jeremy is only an attractive creep, and not really a trippy murderer. I hope that the he doesn't have some basement somewhere. Who knows what he could do with a basement.

Now, I hope you understand that "Love at first sight" really isn't all it's cracked up to be. You might just end up like me, married to the creepiest, possible pedo bear the world has ever known.

Don't be mistaken if the guy in ordering coffee from you, or the guy walking his dog on your street, or any hot guy in general is hot, because you never know! I really don't think I can stress enough the fact that I thought love at first sight was a notion for romantics, but who was I to judge?

I know now why love at first sight is just that – nothing more than a romantic notion. It's because it doesn't exist! Please dear Reader, know this. You'll end up marrying a total perv bro.

Why, I do wonder, does it always work out in books? Who was there to tell Cosette that the guy she was singing her love to after a single glance wasn't really just a striking perv? Since guys in books are always better, I will warn you one last time Reader, the guy staring at you from across you biology class isn't your Edward Cullen. He's a creeper who has got a creepy infatuation with you!


Your dearest writer, and victim of "Love at first sight"

A/N: You also gotta have some respect for Yu-gi-oh! when reading this. And I crack a couple Lord of the Rings jokes along with a quick dash at Harry Potter and Twilight. Also, there's some light humor from some classic literature i.e. Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre. I can't forget my tribute to Aaahh! Real Monsters and The Hunger Games. I had a stupidly fun time writing this, and I hope you understood at least half the jokes XP