No one knows who I truly am. What I feel on the inside or what I turn into. They just go by what they see, and they push it until it's too late. I don't know what I am. So I'll just trace back to the beginnings.
I've been bullied, and it's gotten to me. The only way I can let my anger out is by being physically aggressive towards others, and that's why people look at me like this now. Ever since the beginning of school, I've been called a lot of things. Sometimes because of my hair, or just sometimes because of who I am. That type of shit gets to a person...and it got to me pretty quick. During 6th grade year, it was the worst year I truly experienced. People left and fucking right just telling me about my flaws. They want to sit on their high-thrones and look down upon others who aren't on their level, and I was the lucky contestant. Woo-fucking-hoo. I let it get to me. I let my anger build up more, and more, and more, until I developed something. An alter-ego, I'm not proud of saying it. But, I have to learn to accept it. 7th grade year, the bullying dimmed down a bit, but not enough. I kept my head down, hood on when allowed to, and eyes to my feet. I never allowed anyone to touch me. Whoever did, I'm sorry. I unleashed the fucking demon in one punch. I got in trouble a lot for that, and I got more shit from people. I didn't select who I hit, it was just random. I didn't give a fuck. Guys, girls, kids, teachers. EVERYONE WAS MY VICTIM. I always had this alter-ego for a while, but it didn't truly develop until the end of 6th grade year and it came out in 7th grade year. This alter-ego is what almost killed my sister TWICE, since she thought she was hot shit. I could've killed my unborn niece because of this, too. It's something I'm not proud of talking about. But fuck it, at this point, I have to learn to accept what I am. By the time I was kicked out of Discovery because of my inner conscience, I managed to mature and regain control of myself. I had a cap now, I was no longer a loose-cannon. I had a tolerance level, and when that was broken, I had only a limited time to catch myself before I just lose it. Recently, my cap broke. My friend, Chris, was drunk... He's 21, an ex-Marine, and pretty much trained me to fight and withstand pain. He was bringing me down and talking shit. My ex-best friend, Jesus, was there too. Chris kept talking until I just lost it. I couldn't hold it back anymore, it just happened. I dashed towards him and pinned him against the door, put my fore-arm on this throat, and pushed as much as I can. He tried breaking free and reversing me, but I reversed him and managed to get him in a headlock. I squeezed, and squeezed, until his face turned red and Jesus had to pry me off him. Jesus couldn't even pry me off, I had to let go when Chris put his hands up. We went to the back to officially fight. We did a peaceful knuckle-tap and begun. He came swinging, the best stand-up fighter I know, but he had a weakness that I exposed. I managed to get through the punches and grabbed his head in my arm. I slammed him to the ground with enough force. We stayed there for the longest minute. I was regaining myself at this point, and showed mercy. He apparently wanted to put his fingers in my nose and pull my head back. He shoved my head in the dirt, too. I showed mercy, and he got me in a Full Nelson. I could've broken out of it by swiping his leg back, falling together, and rolling back, but I didn't. I stopped, and this faggot (Jesus) discouraged me. That's probably one of the only times I snapped like that in a couple of years. I will always remember staring into the sky, growling, breathing extremely hard. I had a fire in my soul that burned my skin. I don't know what's inside of me, but I know there's a potential to kill somewhere. I learned how to use this to my advantage. I can control it at my own will, but this is what I've turned into over the years. Everyone things I'm a mean guy, but I do what I must in order for this to never happen again. Even so, I'm considerably nice compared to what I can be. So all of you are lucky for my consideration. I know how all of you feel. Being in dark places, thinking no one's listening. But sometimes, someone is. I was suicidal, I cut myself before, I wish I would just die, and this is what society turned me into. I've lost all faith in humanity. And in the process of me becoming this, I've opened my eyes to see what life truly is. To see who we are. You're a bunch of meaningless-lifed faggots who don't deserve to live. People ask me why I'm like this; my only answer is "people". This is what you did to me, and I can never change. I'm becoming worse, and worse. I just need someone to talk to, to help me out of this dark place. Someone that cares sometimes. I don't want to hurt anyone else, or worse. I just want this thing out of my mind.