I might come off as a bit harsh here because it's a parody. I don't mind a few cliques; cliques happen in real life; but there are some stories that are so riddled with them that they're the literary equivalent of Swiss cheese.


Jana's interlaced fingers cracked satisfyingly as she stretched them over her keyboard. It was time to work on her next masterpiece. Of course, it would have the same female lead as her last three stories, the same male lead and the same love-hate relationship between them – why mess with a good thing? Fueled by the excitement of a new project, she started typing up the first chapter, which was quite good. ... A pity that the middle would become so convoluted by drama that the reader would begin feeling like a dinosaur in a tar pit.

There was a frown on Jana's face as she came back to her laptop with a giant cookie secured between her lips. Now came the serious business, the decision that would make or break her story: who would her character hate? See, you couldn't call her unoriginal; she had three whole choices – three! There could be an older female with a position of authority – not based on her mother or teacher, of course – or a prep – again not based on anyone she knew – or a bratty sister – again, well you get the picture. Jana's brow was knit in concentration. Just who would she pour all her hatred into? She considered the older woman. As she mulled this over, a foreign thought decided that now was the time to make a charge to the fore of Jana's brain, and she was struck. Quickly recovering, Jana sat up straight in her desk chair.

What if... What if there was a reason for the older woman being so nasty? What if... she wrote a few paragraphs giving the woman an actual back-story...? Nah! And the moment of empathy was abruptly snuffed out. It was much easier to blindly hate someone.

Jana paused to blow some cookie crumbs off the keyboard.

Let's see.. There would be one instance where the older woman would be mean to her and that would justify her character hating her for the rest of the story. Perfect! She was out to get her character, of course, so there would be a steady line of hatred throughout the entire story.

Now for the other girls in the school. They had to all be mean or invisible. Oh, but there would be one nice girl, and that one nice girl would end up being her friend. ...That wasn't unrealistic at all, was it? Oh okay, maybe there could be a childhood friend, but he would have to be hopelessly in love with her character, and follow her around like a puppy and get all defensive when the real love interest came along.

Ah, now we're getting to the juicy stuff. Jana bit her lip in anticipation.

He had to be good-looking – but passive-aggressively mean to her character. Where else was the sexual tension supposed to come from? Who else was her character supposed to aim her emotional tirades at? Oh, and her character would snap his head off even when he was doing something that was so obviously nice for her. Her character was just that much of an awesome, nice person – what? Mean, uncaring of other people's feelings, and thinking the whole fictional world revolved around her (which it did)? Certainly not! You're misinterpreting spunk.

Jana sighed as she hit the save button on her document. She knew she was forgetting something for the last four chapters, but what...? Ah! The main plot! Oh well, maybe after another ten-thousand words.