I added a smiley face
at the end
of my
text.

(It

Was

A

Lie.)

I'm not smiling.
I'm broken down.
Scared.
Crying.

"You ruined everything."
is what they told me,
and I had to smile,
just smile, at the pain.

A knife went
soaring
through my flesh
and my heart.

I said I knew.

(It

Was

A

Lie.)

I'm sitting in the dark.
Wincing at the brightness
of the computer screen.
I'm so used to darkness.

I just needed some love,
that's what I said in my head.
just love me a little and
I'll be alright.

(It

Was

A

Lie.)

At first I believed.
I believed if I cut
I would remember
what I forgot.

I did.
I remembered some.
More than I wanted?
Just maybe.

Can't we just be happy
like we used to?
Can't I just forget
like I used to?

I said I was okay.
I said I was going to the library.
I said I would hide my cuts,
and hold back the pain.

(It

Was

A

Lie.)

Oh yes,
I went to the library.
But everything else
(was a lie.)

I'm not okay.
I didn't hide my cuts.
I lifted my sleeves
and showed my pride.

I didn't hold back the pain,
I laughed to myself instead.
People looked at me
and labeled me as crazy.

The girl who bleeds in libraries,
the girl who laughs at herself.
The girl who cries silently
as she reads.