It's really hard to love someone whom you know you can't have, and you have no choice but to move on from them and let go, because that what they said,"Let go is one way of saying I love you even though it hurts." I was stuck in that quote for a long time but now, I finally understood. Everything...
I admit I was selfish, just caring for my feelings not his.
I just can't accept it. I can't believe that he will never love me back, just like the way I did. And I know, from the moment I loved him, my nightmare already started,
He didn't love me.
I was so blind, I never notice how much I loved him, is how much I was hurting. At first, I was so angry at the girl. I was jealous because she have that one thing that I only want. His heart...His heart that I tried to steal but failed too, his heart that I tried to break because I wanted punishment, I wanted him to feel how I felt but what hurts is seeing him without any reaction so I failed, can you believe that?
He doesn't know and it hurts. It's like, bajillions of knives are stabbing you in the heart without you dying. I don't even know what to do. So what I did is I tried to convinced myself that 'Maybe there is a reason...' But my heart is too stubborn and won't listen. I remembered that time when I have a wish, a wish that someday he'll love me back too, But now I was laughing while I'm crying because It hurts to accept the reality but hilarious because I actually hope for that to come true when I already saw how he didn't notice me. So I consider myself as a fool.
I was a nobody. He was the popular type, I assumed to much. There, I broke myself. I broke my heart...
So, If you are assuming too much, stop it because in the end you'll only get hurt. That's what I learned. If you assumed to much, the result is pain.
I cried months and we are not even together. How crazy I was?
And you know what? How many times he have hurted me I don't still have the guts to let him go and move on because I was still secretly wishing for him to love me. Just once. But who am I to wish that? I am a nobody.
And nobody doesn't deserve anything.
But one day, he'll see. He'll see that I am laughing at the corner, truly happy not because of him but some other boy. He's not the only boy, there plenty of fish in the water. I just didn't get the right fish. I know Someday, my tears will dried up and I'll forget him, I will not even missed him and someday I'll look right into his eyes and somehow I wished he was regretting. Someday...
Someday he'll realize and I won't even be there.
Comments will be gladly appreciated :)