She sat on the swing, thinking of all the memories she had with him and she shed a tear and there were several tears. She sat there all alone in the park on the swing. No one saw her cry. No one was there. It was dark and quiet. Completely silent. She sat there and just thought .. Then she said to herself - almost whispered, I remember all of our memories and moments. I can not stop thinking about you. I miss you most of all, so it really hurts. And then shed even more tears.
Now she began to think of all the memories one by one .. almost like a slideshow formed around in her thoughts. As he always hugged her almost every day and how he held his arms around her. When they sat next to each other in the classroom, as he always tried to hold her, always talking to her all the time until their teacher told him to stop. When it was sports and he sat across from her and just looked at her and when she met his eyes, he looked at her in the eyes then he looked away and pretended that nothing happened. And when they just stood next to each other and smiled. As he always looked at her. When he begun in her class and how she could not stop to look at him, when their eyes met for several seconds. It was love at first sight. As they always had so much fun with each other, it felt like time punched her. All that she remembers from him when they were together. When she saw him every day at school. As they were always together.. in 4 years together. Then she began to think about what memories she had with him when they lost contact. When she saw him and he saw her, when they just stood and stared at each other in the store when they innocently slowly in slow motion passed each other while his friends and him laughed at something that she did not know.. and he stared at her a long time. She almost forgot him.. What is this? Now she remembered the time she saw him in town when it was advertised, when he was gonna withdraw money. He was there with his father and. He stood a little further away and talked on the phone. Then the next moment he was gone. She remember how nervous she was just then.. if she would greet him or not. No matter what she thought, she did not do it. She do not understand anything.. She tries to do everything, make an effort to forget him! She does not want to give him or herself more problems. But no matter how hard she tries, she sees him again either in any way or something about him that reminds her of him. Either someone talk about him a lot! Or she sees him.. (worst of all). Or she just starts to think of him again for some reason, maybe she will in many memories with him as she accidentally forget. Does life play around with her? All she wants is to be with him again. And it kills her, so she wants to just forget about him! She can not think of him.. miss him more.. fantasize about him.. dream about him.. crying for him.. loving him without any sense.. and more. She just wants him back in her life again! Cause it is him she loves. It is him who taught her the meaning of life.. but still.. he disappeared and refuses to come back. Though she has been waiting for so many years. Nearly four years soon.. as many years as she has spent with him in his life. It struck her that. She also remembers when she sat in the car with her mother when they were on the way home and he was in the middle of all the bikes past her car. She was surprised then. She just almost managed to forget him.. and now he's coming back again to her mind, she has now nothing more to do than to think about him. Now all these memories is in front of her in the head again. Every time they laughed together. She misses it too much. As he always helped her and protected her so thoughtful.. it made her so happy. When they did something and everyone just stared at them. Then she remembers again. What she wants to forget most of all in the world. What she hates most of all in the world. When she was out, she saw him kissing another girl. She fades. When they kissed.. it felt like to have an arrow in your heart. She stands there and just watching. Really shocking. And then one hundred tears fell down. They just cannot take over. She thinks of some little memories when they were with each other before, and cried even more. Then it strikes her. It's reality. She thinks: No it is not true! They hug each other. Now he sees her and turns away quickly. He is surprised. His girlfriend also stares but don't get it. She cries even more and look at him straight in the eye. You see how he'll look back with compassion in his eyes and met her gaze for several seconds. As they did the first time when he begun in her class. It was love at first sight. After draining the memories in her head as a quick slideshow. It shed more tears from her watery eyes and she runs away. She wants to not give a shit about everything anymore. She don't want anything more! Everything can go to hell, she thinks. She hears him quieter and quieter shout wait. But why should she bother? He has a girlfriend right now. She is not worthy of him any more then. It's over. She might as well go away now.. He showed the meaning of life for her.. the point of loving someone and being loved is gone from her life now.. probably forever. He stops and thinks about all the memories with her and gets anxiety. He has compassion. It is, after all, his first love who just started to cry in front of him for something he did was so wrong. He feels for her.. He thinks of all the memories they had together and noticed that he does not want it to end. She stays up after she ran quite a long time and a lot and starts to exhale. She is incredibly breathless. She ran really fast without thinking about anything else. Or, well, one thing she thought of and have always thought of all the time. Him. Moments with him and all the memories flow over her head. Then she sees a guy running against her. It's him. He is now behind her and hugged her and comforted her. ''Sorry.'' He says and holds her. He looks sad. She cries and looks at him. As if she had not really understood but that he actually ran all the way here for her sake. Where did his girl go? She thought quickly. She then takes a breath. '' I love you.. I always have. I hated to see you with someone else. Forgive me. I was not supposed to cry. You don't need to worry about me.. if you really love her go back to her now. All I want is for you to be happy and if it makes you happy.. Go to her now in that case. Because your smile is important to me. If I can not have you, if I'm not good for you and not good enough to make you happy..'' She noticed the tears slowly flowing into rivers. She is ashamed. ''..Is all I want for you to be happy.'' She said, trying to make a little smile. Faked it and looked. He looked sad and sympathetic towards her and said, ''No, it's you I love and always have done! Do not say sorry.. I'm the one to say it.. I did not know you loved me the way I love you.. Time just went by so fast and we lost touch. I did not dare to talk to you again, and it just happened like this.. I really missed you and you are all I want. Missing every moment with you.. You are everything. You make me happiest! ''She cries out of joy. It runs - almost streams of tears. She can not understand that what he just said is true. He grabs his hand and says, ''I will never leave you, I love you'' She can not stop smiling. ''Me.'' she says, embarrassed and happy. Now, his girl ran against them. ''Why did you run away from me, what is happening? I was looking for you..'' She looks sad at the ground again. She had forgotten his current girlfriend. What will happen..? He looks at his girlfriend terrified and then at her again. She cannot say a word. ''What's going on..?'' His girl says a little scared as well. ''I'm sorry but I..'' He tries to say, but his girl interrupts. '' I thought we...'' and then ran away. You could see that she was just about to cry. She looks sad at him. He does the same. ''I love you'' he says and hugs her quite sad. A part of her is instantly happy again. Even though she had sympathy for that girl. So, the girl probably will never understand what he and I have shared with each other. They was together and had fun every day. ''You are the best girl.'' He says to her when they were out walking one day. He smiles. He takes her hand. It's dark and he follows her home. Her mother is probably angry because she is always there with him every night. She has about 20 missed calls and 10 text messages. He hugs and kisses her for a long time on the lips when they arrived at her house. '' See you tomorrow.'' He says while he smiles. ''Yes.'' she says cheerfully. She goes home and waits till her mother's outburst ends. She goes into the room and calls him. ''Hey what are you doing?'' She says. ''Is on my way home, are you so anxious to talk to me?'' ''Yes. I'm just worried for you so you do not get kidnapped or something.'' ''Thank you.'' As he says and smiles scientifically sadly though she cannot see that. ''Come to me tomorrow!'' She says, smiling broadly. ''Oh sure, bye.'' ''Goodbye.'' She says back. She went to bed but the night seemed long. She just wanted to be with him now! Then finally it became morning. The night felt like years. She was probably only sleeping a hour's sleep. She hurries out of bed and calls him. ''Hello.'' He responds pretty low - almost a dejected voice. ''Hello.. Are you not coming?'' She says, almost let herself feel disappointed. ''I'm sorry.. But could you come to the school we used to go to you know? I'm there now.'' He says. ''Of course I will!'' She says and hangs up. She fixes herself quickly but still nice. She is a little nervous though it was not time to think of it now. Then she takes the jacket and pulls out. She runs quickly to school. She sees him standing against the wall close to where their input would be. ''Hey!'' She screams and comes to him then she stops. ''Hello..'' He says shortly. She stands next to him without saying a word. She looks at him quickly and then straight ahead. There is silence for a moment. '' Yeah..'' he begins. She was watching curiously at him. She probably did not notice how silly it looked. He still looks straight ahead and then now at her. It looks like he's trying to say something but change his mind. ''Here, we used to go.. at this school'' He says, smiling almost sadly. ''Yeah..'' She says and wonder what he wants to get to. Then she starts thinking about how much she really miss being at this school and all the people at school. All memories with everyone and especially him. She thinks for a long time about it. ''I... probably can not be with you anymore.'' He says then. Just like that. She thinks for a long moment at what he just said before she takes it in. She is shocked and incredibly hurt. She hoped that it was a big joke. ''Sorry..'' What? Did he not see her for real. What's going on.. Was he and his former girlfriend back together or what? ''I just love you but I can not. I have to forget everything. I'm sorry.. We can only hope that maybe some other time in our second life or something, we will be a part of it again. You, me and the school we went to, the class. If life and the world begins again. And if there is a miracle.'' He says, after he thought a long time about what he said finally. She is pretty speechless right now. ''I guess you're hurt.. did not want this but forgive me. There is no other girl, there will never be another girl I loved and love as much as you. You probably have nothing to say right now to me, right?'' He looks at her with a glance, yet sad and walks away slowly.. She follows him with her eyes when he leaves. Thinking of what he just said. She thought this would be a good day. Her best day so far. Nothing can summarizes how incredible hhurt she is right now. She'll look at him while he walks away and thinks of all the memories with him when they were in school and outside of school life. It shall not end. NO! ''WAIT!'' She screams as loud as she can. He stops and turns around slowly reluctantly while she runs to him and hugs him. ''Do not go.. stay with me forever.. do not leave me. Do not stop loving me when I just found you again. Now that I was happy again. I found the meaning of life again, love.. Please stop!'' She says while she is crying.. tears flowing, she hugs him tightly. He turns to her. ''You went to the same class as me.. He says and continues reluctant to say these words. But more than that I do not know..'' He repents a bit after what he said and hesitates and then says ''Sorry.. but you better forget everything.'' Then he pulls away gently and goes away from there. She bursts into tears. Her heart pounded. Why is this happening to her in this world? What she loves the most just disappeared from her again. She has no reason and meaning to live more.. After that day, she could not stop crying or miss him. Everything got worse and worse. She sits on the swing and thought of all these memories. She then shed an incredible number of more tears and eyes closed tightly. Then she says to herself: ''I miss all the memories and moments with you, thinking of them all the time, love you whatever happens..'' ''You then disappeared forever and left me, but I love you anyway.. and I am glad that I have been part of your life. Thanks for showing me the meaning of life.. love. To love someone infinitely and be loved.'' Then her heart slowly broke into pieces.. and she falls to the ground.
Her note: i stand on the same place as when we walked home together after school before. i see you walking away and will never come back again. i stand there with nothing to stay. scared and dont wanna be rejected. just wanna run to you and stop you. but i dont know if i dare. i see you walking further away. my heart is racing faster and i start getting nervous. should i go to you or run away. i see your smile in my head. i see all the memories flashing all over me. every single one. every single one that i miss and want back. dont know if you want me anymore. but i gotta try. or not and regret it for the rest of my life. the last picture i see is your smile again. im running now. faster and faster. im so near you now. there you stand. turning around and smiling again. i get a little happier and feel better inside. maybe i can do it. i took the first step after all. now its the only last step to go. im where you stand now and holds you. but when i hold you. you slowly disappears. now you are gone. and i fall to the ground. was that a dream? whre you never here as i saw you. or did you just reject me and left me forever here all alone... those answers will i never know. without you. with that said and done. you were gone.