you never think it's something you'd do

until you're sitting there,

shaking and gasping,

cold metal in one hand.

all it takes is

one slash,

then red. calm. beauty. pain.

and that's it: you're hooked.

all of a sudden, you can't breathe

without it.

it takes over your life:

will i cut today?

does this outfit show my cuts?

do they believe me?

they said it's an addiction, but

you didn't believe it until it's already too late,

and the scars outnumber

the days full of a pain you can't seem to shake.