A gaping hole captured my heart
Confused and tangled my mind
Into a mess, into a disaster,
No light no darkness no fear no tears
Just air without reason
A touch with no sensation
I couldn't feel my tongue
To form the words flittering through my head
I remember wondering could He still hear me?
An empty shell that sprouted feet
A stare that cut through the sun
Hanging on to the shadows it formed
Did He even want me?
A single scar so deep it stinks with freshness to this day
A single heart so mangled and beaten
Still no way to sustain reason
No way to capture wisdom or hang on to a drive
On a path of brittle bones and pointy promises
A man greeted me and provided my bloodied feet with sandals
He told me once, "Believe in me and I shall protect you"
He took me to a shelter made by His love and compassion
He provided me with food,
He told me once, "Believe in me and I shall sustain you"
From bread that was his body I began to grow strong
My mind and tongue grew warm with life
I began to function again
Then question after question began to flow from my lips
And one by one, He refused an answer
I took His hand between my own
Memorizing the warmth it traced through my cells
I felt His scars and remembered what they represented
Feeling as if I was holding Life in my very hands
"Lord, if you say and mean all that you preach, why is there so much suffering in this world?"
Tests, my heart whispered, tests of faith to God. A true believer will give all to Him and not fall into the pain that has so much littered and corrupted this world. Can healing really exist without suffering?
But again my Lord said nothing.
"Lord, because I have strayed from you, will you condemn me?"
But again I knew the answer. God is all forgiving. He will not hold anything against me for He knows I am imperfect and capable of growth.
Again my Lord was silent.
"Lord, how do I live a life which You have blessed thoroughly and utterly?"
My heart sang out the answer yet again, Read the scripture and follow your heart and your spirit. He has blessed you with the Holy Spirit, a spirit that thrives within your own and paints the word of God into your heart. Maybe it's time to ignore all the other noises of the world and be still to hear what it's asking you to do.
Silence was ever emanating from my Lord.
"Lord, if all this is true, why do you sit there silently while I sit here in agony with all these burning questions? Why must you torture me without a single proof that you're still listening?"
Because He speaks through your heart.
"Believe in me, and you shall receive all the answers you seek."
And with that He drifted away back to heaven. I was left with nothing but the memory of warmth and a soaring in my heart that I had never felt before.
Maybe I should've listened to my heart more often. Underneath all the damage, all the leaks and all the sores, it was whole through the love of God.
Don't believe me? Maybe you should try it for yourself sometime. Listen to your heart for a change. And not the noise around it.