I grabbed his hand to steady myself as we walked up the concrete steps to my house. Jack has been really sweet since we left the school which makes me feel bad about how I acted in the hallway. I handed Jack my house key when we reached the glass door to my house and I see the girl in the glass. I have never been so disgusted with her, she has the hottest guy in school, he is sweet, a gentleman and yet she just can't stop from kissing some guy she saw in a dream. What was I thinking? The sight of her is making me sick, wait no that's not her I think I'm actually going to be sick. I thrusted my body away from Jack and bent over the flower pot on the porch just in time before I threw up. Jack pulled my hair back and started rubbing my back, he was saying something but I couldn't really understand him through the sounds coming from me. As soon as I stopped throwing up Jack picked me up in a cradle carrying me inside the front door and taking me to the couch. Running back to the door to close it he yelled over to me, " So what do you want to do baby?" All I could think about was laying down on my bed in the basement, "Umm could we go down to my room I really just want to lay down." He came over and looked at me with his addicting smile, he proceeded to pick me up and carry me down the stairs. I could taste my breath wasn't very good and I knew I was inviting him to my bed room so I said I really had to pee and he took me to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and ran to the slick, scrambling to get my tooth brush and tooth paste I knocked almost everything off of the counter. I started brushing my teeth and I could not stop looking at the girl in the mirror, she looked scared. I took of my sweater so all that was left was my tank top and skinny jeans. I looked down and realized my shoes were still on, I grabbed my foot trying to get it off, I was hoping on one foot when I banged into the wall. Jack knocked on the door, "You okay in there?" I said yes through my tooth paste filled mouth and finally got both shoes off, I went back to the sink and spit out my tooth paste and rinsed my mouth out with water. I looked back in the mirror and told myself I could do this. I would do anything to prove that I loved him. I opened the bathroom door and gave him a big hug, he kissed my cheek and carried me to my room. He sat me on the bed, I grabbed the tv remote and turned it on to a movie channel. I started adjusting my pillows so I could watch the movie, Jack started laying down beside me, he put his hand my thigh and it gave me a chill through my body. I moved my body down so I could lay in his arms, I started looking into his eyes and he smiled down at me. We just stayed like this for awhile but I could feel he was wanting more, so I made the first move. We started kissing and I felt more connected to him then I ever had before, he sat up and we both didnt want to stop. He pulled me in really close and stopped kissing me. "Jack is something wrong?" I had to ask he was making me feel like I had done something wrong. He moved his mouth to my ear and I could feel his hot breathe on my neck, "Jess are you sure you want to do this? I just want to make sure you are okay with this and want to." I almost cried at how much it meant to me that he asked but now I have an opportunity to say no. I don't want the opportunity to say no because I might actually say no. If I say no he will know something is wrong and he might talk about Nick. I can't talk about Nick. So I said "Yes I'm sure baby I'm sure."
My mind was blank and I started staring at the ceiling. Then my heart started slowly down. I started thinking about what I had just done with Jack how bad I felt with the two guys I had kissed today and the one I just had sex with. I had made a mistake by saying yes but Jack could never know... It would have to be a secret. One I can never tell. I have to admit I enjoyed how close we were for the time being but I don't know how to proceed now. My mom has had sex with many guys and she always said it was no big deal. But then you hear other moms say that it is something special between a husband and his wife but it is not as special when people are not married. Maybe me and Jack just aren't meant to be together? Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? What if Nick is the guy for me? The guy who when I kissed made me feel whole. Did I only have sex with Jack to try to make up for the way I just acted with Nick?