The Most Random Crap You'll Ever Read.

The Tale of Five(?) Muffins

Once upon a time in a far away land there was a small village called Muffinville. Well, Muffinville was a very beautiful place except for one thing, it was always so…hot. Like, scorching hot. IT'D SCORCH YOUR MUFFIN-TOP OFF IT WAS THAT FREAKING HOT. The Muffins grew up so fast here, it's like one moment they're all liquid and no solidifying taking place just yet, then minutes later, the beautiful muffins would be all fluffy and…beautiful.
Well, in this particular village there were five muffins. They were mixed berry muffins. They each had their own name too, Happy Muffin, Sad Muffin, "Spider" Muffin, Shy Muffin, and last and very most of the least, Lil' Muffin. He's unimportant though. Nobody loves Lil' Muffin. Nobody. Well, they also had their own personalities.
Happy Muffin, was, well, happy just as her name suggests. Happy Muffin had the most beautiful lay-out of berries in her gorgeous, soon-to-be Muffin Top. She loved everything, and when it was her time to be born, she just slipped right on out into her tiny village and didn't even cause any trouble or pain at all. Happy Muffin was everyone's inspiration, Lil' Muffin exclaimed "I want to be just like you when I grow up!". Sadly though, Happy Muffin just looked at him in disgust and turned her back to him. Nobody loved Lil' Muffin at all.
Then, there's Sad Muffin. Like his name suggests, he's always sad. He was always the most difficult muffin. As he was being born, he was so slow into coming into this village. He moped his way into this world. He was also so ugly; almost as ugly as Lil' Muffin. He had no berries, and everyone thought him as weak and he couldn't be a good muffin at all. Sad Muffin should be sad, he's just that terrible.
The next muffin is "Spider" Muffin. She's just plain hilarious, and everyone either loves her or hates her. Spider Muffin was named this later in the game, because she had a muffin-disorder that allowed her to believe she could shoot silk out her butt and become a spider. So her life ended by jumping. Sad Muffin thought she was just muffi-cidal or something. Lil' Muffin hated her, he called her a fake and a cheat and a liar. Though this never got away in "Spider" Muffin's dreams of becoming a Spider. She was fairly pretty, she had enough berries that made her okay, but, Happy Muffin still had her beat. By a long shot.
The next-to-last muffin is Shy Muffin. Shy Muffin was shy and hid in the corner so nobody knew what she was like. Except she was ugly. She had too many berries. So she looked like a blue and red mess, just, ugh, so ugly.
The very last muffin is Lil' Muffin. As I have already justified, Lil' Muffin is ugly. Very. He's even worse than Sad Muffin. He was all blueberry and just this big blue blob. God, he was hideous. Also, he was very tiny, born from left over dough. HE WAS JUST SO DANG UGLY…poor little muffin. And he was so hopeful too. He was so hopeful that maybe someday he'd grow bigger and be a gorgeous man-muffin. But no. His hopes and dreams would never come true.
Well, the muffins all grew up together in this tiny village. Each of them just sitting in this cramped, hot village and sadly, after about 8 minutes of growing up, they were getting old. It was almost time for their life to end. The only muffin looking forward to this was Sad Muffin. So as they all closed their sad, old, feeble eyes, before their life was so long they were burnt, light shined on them as the scorching heat around them went away. But their steel beds were still hot and their bodies were slowly cooling off. They could hear voices now. Was it their ancestors?
Then, they felt a stabbing sensation around at their sides. The muffins felt their bodies be lifted out of the pan, and being just the perfect age, their muffin-top was sliced open as a cold substance was placed in the middle of them . Was this the infamous butter? Why yes! They were all going to a good place! But then they heard Sad Muffin wail as he jumped off the side and fell to the ground. They all shook their muffin-tops in distress waiting for their life to end.
They could feel the last of the heat escaping their bodies, and then, they felt something wrap around their bodies, and lifted into the air. One-by-one, they were put into a very saliva-filled cave and then, they heard a swallowing sound and they fell. The last of their life being held onto. Hitting this weird acid-filled place, they all whispered their goodbyes and died.