Chapter Three – Humph

I recently auditioned for a play at the school. I usually think I'm a fairly funny person, especially onstage, and this play is a comedy. So, I was foolishly confident that I would get the part that I auditioned for. Hence the word foolish.

I didn't get a part. Granted, it was a nine person cast, and the entire drama department was in an uproar about my not getting a part (I'm being serious), so I guess that makes me feel a little bit better about not getting a part. It's an advanced play, and all of the characters have a lot of lines, so I guess it's okay that I didn't get a part. I'm okay now, at least.

When I was at school Friday, though, I was definitely not okay with it. Well, I was a little while after I found out I didn't get cast. But right when I saw the cast list, I was a mess.

Okay. So, I was okay at first, but then my first period teacher asked me how the auditions went (she loves me and loves coming to the plays) and I opened my mouth to tell her about not getting a part, and this really embarrassing sob came out of my mouth. So I flew away with a really lame "oh, I um, forgot something… I have to go get some vocab from my lit teacher…" and she asked if I was okay, and I just nodded and kinda half walked half ran out of the room. I guess that's what normal people call "jogging" or something.

And then I hastily wiped the tears away as I was walking into my Lit teacher's class room, and she saw that my eyes were welling up, and then she asked what was wrong. I told her I needed vocab and she made a joke like "oh, no need to cry about losing some vocab! I can just make another copy for you." And then she asked if I was gonna kill someone, and if I was, she would be totally okay with it. I'm not kidding. It made me laugh.

So, I walked back to first period and my Spanish teacher asked if I was okay again. I mean, it's really sweet and everything, but I would definitely appreciate it if people would just stop asking me that when I'm obviously upset because it doesn't help and it just reminds me that I'm really not okay. I think she asked me like four times during the hour I was in there.

Then I got to drama and some girl was crying about getting an understudy. Um, I am sorry you're upset that you got an understudy but really? Like, I am being strong by this point and I am not even sniffling anymore, and she pulls this crap. I mean, I know it's not a "real part" or something, but c'mon. I would kill for a part and OMG. Or even an understudy because you at least get to perform one night. Like, drama is kinda my life and now I have nothing else to do for the school year except homework and… homework.

I don't know why it made me so angry.

But then I cried again because my friend asked if I was okay and… people just need to stop asking if I'm okay like honestly.

Anyway, I went to the Special Education room during my lunch (I really love those kids) and this little guy with Down's Syndrome (he's my "boyfriend") asked if I was okay. AND FOR ONCE I DIDN'T CRY AND I WAS REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF. But he's a really good people reader, and he's a sympathy crier, and he started to cry.

And I felt bad because it was my fault.

And then he came over and rubbed my hair and told me to not be upset.

Then the teachers in there (I really like them) asked if I was upset because Sam (the "boyfriend") was telling me not to be upset. I tried to say no, but they wouldn't believe me, and then I cried again. AND I TOLD THEM EVERYTHING. Not even just about the part, but about everything. I even said some stuff about my mom and how I don't know if I want to live with her anymore. Yeah, I haven't mentioned that in here yet; basically, my mom and I don't really get along all that well, and sometimes she takes stuff out on me, and our relationship is just really rocky. My divorced parents are next door neighbors, and I live with both parents equal amounts of time. My mother is currently unemployed and her income is the 1000 dollars she gets as Child Support from my father each month. No, I am not making any of that up.

And then they were like "well, you're beautiful inside and out and you need to think of yourself first sometimes. The way your mother treats you isn't right, and she doesn't need to use you like that." And they were really appalled that I didn't get a part. Seriously, one of them was like "WHAT? YOU ARE SERIOUSLY ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED PEOPLE I KNOW. I don't make stuff like that up. When you did that play with the Special Ed. students this winter, I was dying. You are hilarious!" I wrote the script for the winter play, and we did it with the Special Ed. department. It was a good time.

So, that was my Friday. And then I went to my friend's house where we laughed and I ended up staying all weekend.

Really, it wasn't so bad after all. I'm still a little disappointed about not getting a part in the comedy, but it's okay. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous to non-drama kids that I'm upset about not getting a part. Like, it's honestly just a part, but it's so much more than that. It's the rejection that especially sucks. Like, you think you did a fabulous job in the audition, and you probably did, but that part just wasn't meant for you or whatever.

I don't know. It's really hard to explain. I'm just gonna stop talking now. Okay, not talking but typing.

Kudos to me for writing the longest chapter so far.