CAUTION: This chapter contains scenes of sexual abuse. Reader beware.
"When people hear the words sexual abuse they think of a stranger or a close family member. My nightmare started when I was only eleven"
It was the end of summer vacation in Clear Creak Ohio. Hazel Woods was excited. She was entering the fifth grade this year. Her mother had bought her new clothes, and even a brand new backpack. "What outfit do you wanna wear tomorrow?" her mom asked as Hazel was getting ready for bed.
"I really like this one Mom" Hazel said pointing to a white t-shirt with a pair of red glittery kissy lips on it and a jean skirt that went down to her knees. "Oh that one is pretty" her mom said. The next day Hazel put on her new outfit and grabbed her backpack. Her mom drove her to school. The building seemed bigger then it did the year before. She made it to her new classroom and took a seat. As she was watching all the other kids walk in she noticed a boy with pale skin and blue eyes that seemed to glow come in. He sat down in the desk right next to her. He smiled at her. "Hi, I'm Angel" he said.
"I'm Hazel" she introduced back. As the day went she had already had science, math, and history. He favorite class was English. At lunch she noticed Angel sitting alone and walked over to him. "You're not sitting with your friends?" she asked.
"I'm new here so I don't really have any friends" he said.
"Well now you do" Hazel said sitting next to him. As the school year went on Angel and Hazel became best friends. They would walk to each other's houses on the weekends and talk on the phone all the time. They would do their homework together on Fridays. When fall hit and it was time for Thanksgiving break Angel and Hazel said they would talk on the phone once during break and see each other when school started back up. When Hazel returned home from school on that last day she saw her mom in the kitchen on the phone. She sat in the living room and watched TV. "Hey great news Aunt Brenda is coming up for Thanksgiving and bringing her son" her mom said. Her aunt had taken in a homeless boy. Hazel knew he was a few years older then her, but very nice. "They'll be here tomorrow" her mom said. Hazel was happy. She loved her Aunt Brenda. The next day came and Hazel could smell the food her mother began cooking for the next day. Right then the house smelled like pumpkin pie and banana pudding. The doorbell rang and her mom hurried to answer it. It was her aunt and Hazel noticed a blond headed boy who was a bit taller then she was. "Aunt Brenda!" Hazel called out and ran to give her a hug. "Hey guys this is my son Dominic" she said introducing them, "Dominic, this is my sister Suzie and my niece Hazel"
"Nice to meet you both" he said smiling at Hazel. Her mom showed them to the rooms they would be sleeping in and continued to cook. This year Hazel got to help her mother cook some stuff. The next day their family was starting to arrive. Hazel was in her room on her laptop working on some stories she was writing when Dominic came in. "Hi" he greeted as he sat down on her bed. "What are doin?" he asked.
"Trying to write, but I think I'm blocked" she said.
"You look tense" he said.
"Maybe a little" Hazel said joking.
"Would you like a shoulder massage?" Dominic asked.
" " she said not sure if she really wanted one. He came up behind her and started to massage her shoulders. It felt ok, but weird. Suddenly she felt his hands move down to her breasts and she jumped up. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she screamed.
"Oh come on" he said, "girls love that"
"We I don't!" she said.
"You'll learn to" he said and left the room.
"When Dominic left my room I was shocked and confused. I know I didn't like it, but I did agree to the shoulder massage. So was it my fault?"
At the dinner she didn't eat much. She felt so yucky and creeped out. She didn't look at him, but she knew he was looking at her. She wanted to tell her mom, but for some reason she felt she couldn't. The rest of the time they were there Hazel slept in the same room as her mom. She told her it was because she felt safe in there, but didn't explain why. When Dominic and her aunt left she was relieved. Until Christmas time and Dominic was back. This time he started touching her underneath her shirt. He did it every time he found her alone. It got so bad that she barely left her mom's side. They stayed for new years too and on new years eve he cornered her in the basement and and told her to dress down to her bra and panties. Being scared she did as she was told. She stood there shaking, almost naked as he walked circles around her commenting on her body. He started to grope her breasts, so hard she whimpered a little. His left hand moved down and started rubbing her over her panties. Thats when they heard someone calling for them and he stopped and threw her clothes at her. That night she locked herself in the bathroom and cried while everyone watched the ball drop. She felt so disgusted. She didn't know what to do. She was both to scared and ashamed to tell. The incidents lasted for a few years until new years time when she was thirteen. Her mom and aunt were gonna shop for some things for their party and Hazel begged her mom to take her, but she wouldn't. While they were gone Dominic groped and rubbed her like usually, but then he unzipped his pants and told her she needed to rub him. She was in shock and was tired of being his little toy. "No' she said.
"Fine" then he tried to push her down to the floor, but she kicked him where it counted and ran out of the house and to the neighbor's next door. She stayed there until her mom came home. She finally told her mom everything. Needless to say Dominic wasn't invited to the house for any other celebrations again.
"When I finally told my mom what happened I was relieved and felt safe again. Only thing that made me feel bad is my Aunt never really came around anymore after that"
That summer she was saddened when Angel told her he was moving. She cried a bit, but they promised to keep in contact. The following school year she met a new friend named Jessica. They became inseparable. She eventually got close enough with Jessica to tell her about what had happened to her.
"Wow, sorry that happened" Jessica said, "it must have been really scary"
"It was and sometimes I still have nightmares" Hazel said.
"Have you ever tried weed? it mellows you out big time" Jessica said.
"No, I never could stand the smell" Hazel said.
"Maybe one day you should come over and try it once" Jessica said, "you'll get use to the smell" Over time the two girls became like sisters and on her fourteenth birthday her mom let her go over to Jessica's for a sleepover. The two girls watched movies and for the first time Hazel tried a joint. Other then making her cough alot it wasn't bad. While they were watching a movie Jessica's brother came home. "Hazel this is my brother Erin" Jessica said introducing them. Erin nodded and went upstairs. A little while later Hazel was so high and drowsy she passed out. She woke up to Erin trying to pull off her jeans. "What the hell are you doing?!" she said trying to kick free and he grabbed her by the throat and told her if she screamed or anything he'd kill her. He finished removing her pants and ripped her panties off. She just dissociated. She imagined being somewhere else. When Erin was done he just left. Hazel was so shocked she didn't know what to do. She looked down and there was blood on her legs. She was forced to give up her virginity. She ran to the bathroom and washed off her legs with wet paper towels. She pulled her pants on and hid her ripped panties in her over night bag. Then she just sat there with a knife tucked in the sleeve of the sweater she was wearing. She didn't know where Jessica had went, but she sure the hell wasn't gonna let Erin rape her again. About seven that morning Jessica walked in the house. She could tell Hazel had been crying. "Are you ok?"
"Where have you been?" Hazel asked.
"Oh sorry girl, I went to my friend's house up the street after you passed out" Jessica said. She wasn't sure what over took her, but she wasn't gonna stay silent about what had happened. She did that with Dominic and she wasn't gonna do it again. "Did you know while you were gone your brother raped me" Hazel said.
"Erin wouldn't do that Hazel" Jessica said.
"Ok then why don't you go look in the bathroom at all the bloody paper towels I used to wipe myself off after he was done or look at my ripped panties in my bag" Hazel said.
"Look, there is no way my brother would do that" Jessica said standing up, "I think you should leave, now" Hazel threw the knife to the floor, grabbed her bag, and huffed out the door. She walked home in pouring rain and ran up to her bathroom and cried in the shower until the water went cold. She was sitting in the shower still numb to the cold water when she saw the razer sitting on the sink. She grabbed her purple bath robe from the rack by the tub and and threw it on. Then she walked over and grabbed the razer. She put it into the pocket of the robe and went downstairs. She knew her mom wasn't home so she grabbed a roll of paper towels and headed to her room. She piled the whole role of towels on the floor and then take the razer part out of the razer and then took off her robe. She took the razer blade to her wrist. She cut deep enough to bleed. The pain hurt, but felt good as well and watching the blood drip down calmed her.
"The first time I cut myself I remember feeling a weird calm wash over me like it was the only thing that gave me any control"
When school started back up her grades suffered alot and her anxiety got so bad the only thing that would calm her was to cut. She had always made sure she hid it. She hadn't even told her mom about what happened to her at Jessica's house. She had even stopped writing to Angel. She wasn't sure why. Maybe she thought she didn't deserve the attention of nice guys. By the time she was sixteen she was smoking and very promiscuous. She never dated nice guys. Every guy she dated would smack her around and this would give her reasons to cut herself. One night she went to a party with some of her friends. She was drinking and acting very close with any guy should could find. She met one that called himself Shadow. He was gothic and scary and Hazel knew she had to have him. They danced together and ended up making out. The went outside into the backyard of the house where no one seemed to be around and continued to make out. Shadow started to move his hand under Hazel's blouse. She tried to push away from Shadow but, he pulled her back. "Just relax" he whispered as his other hand started to go up her thy. She suddenly found strength and punched Shadow as hard as she could and ran out the back gate. "Get back here bitch!" he called. Hazel knew he was chasing her. She ran through the near by park and could still hear Shadow calling her names. She made it to the exit of the park and Shadow grabbed her by her hair. He threw her to the ground, but before he could do anything Hazel saw another guy come up and knee shadow right in the stomach. She watched on as the guy delivered punch after punch to Shadow's face. When he was done he forced Shadow to look at him "if you ever touch her again, I'll kill you" he let go of Shadow's face and Shadow ran off. Thats when Hazel stood and looked closely at her mysterious hero. She recognized the glowing blue eyes. "Angel?' she said.
"Are you ok Hazel?" he asked.
"I'm ok' she said, "what are doing back here?"
"Well if you would have continued to write you would have learned that my mom got transferred back here" Angel said.
"Oh" she said still a little shaken up.
"Let's go get some coffee and talk" Angel said. When they sat down to talk Hazel told him everything. What happened to her growing up, about when she was raped, and even the cutting. He convinced her she needed to tell her mom. So the next day when Hazel's mom got home she walked into the kitchen. "Mom, can we talk?" Hazel asked. They sat down and Hazel told her everything from her rape on and even showed her the scars and sores from where she'd cut herself. Her mom just cried. Her mom was looking through the paper later that day after Hazel went to sleep and saw an add for a place called YouthSTAR. She read they helped troubled teens. She quickly dialed the number. That weekend the bus came for Hazel. She hugged her mom and promised that she would try her best to get better. She blew a kiss to her mom as the bus drove off.