B is for Betrayal

Word count: 760

Angst / Love / Broken Heart / Depression

It's a freezing cold, but sunny, October day, beautiful actually, scenic in its clear magnificence and she can appreciate the view from her windows, but it doesn't touch her emotions like maybe it should. Like it would have once, less than a year ago.

It's been four months since he left. Or rather, since he stopped coming home. Four months since she was last able to breathe properly. It's been even longer since she was genuinely happy.

She stopped crying when summer turned to autumn, stopped hoping that he would come back, stopped living and started becoming a pathetic shadow of the person she used to be. It's unfair, cruel even, that this is what she gets for loving someone that much (too much? no, no absolutely not).

They were always a bit of an odd couple, at least in the eyes of other people who didn't know them. To her they made perfect sense. It was the playfulness in her wild eyes and the calm strength of his arms that had them gravitating towards each other when they first met and the uniquely different ways they loved, but in equal measures, that kept them together for as long as it did.

But it wasn't to be. Or perhaps it was, but then life with all its temptations got in the way of fate. Fate should have fought harder for them, she thinks, they deserved to be fought for and they deserved a different kind of ending.

They were no longer teenagers exploring the world and themselves and each other. They were older now, and wow, it's amazing how ten years can go by and no one seems to get any older. Except for maybe her.

He started going out without her. Not really anything exceptionally unusual about that, except he also went out without his friends and that was not usual at all. She didn't want to worry about it (but she did, she couldn't help it) and she trusted him (in theory), but most importantly she loved him (so much, still does) and wanted him to do whatever made him happy. And if he needed to go out to clubs and bars and drink and dance then that was fine, it really was, because he always came home, sometimes not until the morning, but he always came back, and they loved each other, he told her so every day, and he would never do anything or anyone he wasn't supposed to. He would never break them because they were supposed to be together forever. Beat all the odds. It was meant to be - it was fate.

They said it was just a phase, something he needed to get out of his system, because, they were sure that he had big plans for them. They said a lot of things.

Months went on, but her confidence and happiness started to disappear. She started doubting their words because it felt like he was distant now, farther away from her every day. She realised finally that yes, they had actually gotten ten years older and maybe, maybe, maybe she wanted a little bit more than they had now (a different kind of commitment, a family), but it didn't appear as if that was something on his mind at all anymore.

But he always came home. He always crawled into bed next to her, kissed her and cuddled her and told her he loved her.

Until one night he didn't.

(Her name was Lauren).

She is empty now. She has cried all her tears and she has screamed all she could, she's been hurt and angry and scared and lonely and now there is only emptiness left. She has overheard friends talking about her – depression, they say. They don't know anything – she just wants him – her body needs him and she can't function without him. She realises that she would even let him have as many affairs and flings as he wanted if only he would come home. She made the mistake of expressing that thought out loud. That's when her best friend slapped her, a horrified look on her face, and then she started talking about seeing someone, a therapist or someone to help her, because this was not normal.

They've has apparently forgotten that she stopped caring about normal when she met him.

She stopped caring about a lot of things when she met him, like what people thought about her and what they said about their relationship.

She stopped caring about everything else when he stopped coming home.