Just let it all out...
I wont let this go. It has been too much. I am TIRED of ALL THIS SHIT...
In my last poem, I thanked many friends who have supported me. Since then, things have changed. I took advantage of them. I never MEAN to...I never WANT to...but I do. I do...and they get creeped out and hate me. Since then...I SWORE to them that I would change. I BEGGED for another chance. And I got one. But I didn't. I was given one last chance to build myself BACK UP. But I didn't change. I got WORSE. Worse then creepy... No wonder I don't have a girlfriend.
Writing this gives me a sharp pain in my chest. A sharp pain in my heart. I can't stand this pain...but I can live with it...for now.
Popular kids can go Fu** themselves. I hate them. I cant STAND them. Why? Because I am jealous (and I Fuc**** HATE YOLO and SWAG...really...grow the hell up!). I am jealous because they get all the respect. All the love, all the girls...or boys. A popular guy could smack another guy's ass and if ANYONE else did it, they would be called "Gay". I could use 100+ more examples of this, for both popular boys and sluts...girls.
People are STUPID. Period. I don't need to say any more.
I used to cut. I don't any more, thanks to the friend I will forever love. But every-now-and-then I get tense...and FIGHT with myself over cutting. Today I wanted to break my "worthless" Pinkie finger. If hair is in my face, and a frown comes around...go away.
I had a dream a while back. It was about a "CreepyPasta" named "Jeff The Killer" (Hail Jeff!). In it, however, I realized something. I realized that I hurt my friends more than ANYTHING else. That's the day I swore never to be creepy. But now...
I am a puss*. I am unable to kill myself. So don't worry. Like you would worry anyway... But! I am confused. Is GOD trying to do this to me? Is this part of his "plan"? Or am I just a huge flaw? A bump in the road? A sheep on the track? I don't know...but I need help. I will never admit it, but I do.
And Yaneth. I know you may never read this. You may not even CARE. But I am sorry. I never meant for it to end like this. I lost a great friend...JUST BECAUSE I WAS LONELY! I am almost over you now. But I will always have horrid nightmares...about what I did to you.
And to all my friends. No. To the friends I LOVE...I am sorry. But...I just don't know. All I can say is...I'm sorry.
I HATE things being all about me. I want to see more of everyone else.
Sleep easy readers, the RANT...is OVER!
Or is it...