i used to run through the streets, bare foot and laughing,

not caring who saw and who wondered.

i was free and happy and young,

everything i ate tasted like yellow.

my hair was always loose and raved around my head

like madness, i could hardly stand to have it up for a minute.

tan and covered in dirt, face glowing in sunlight instead of

the blue-white of a broken computer screen.

everything i saw was drenched in the smell of ocean.

now i am alone

insecure and always thinking

trapped and miserable and too old to only be sixteen.

everything i touch is grey.

music no longer dances and rain no longer hurts

i'm numb and i'm

washed out.

a cardboard cutout of the girl next to me

no uniqueness or quirks

[singing in my sleep is a thing of the past]

i miss the days when i was worth something.

but mostly, i miss the taste of