i used to run through the streets, bare foot and laughing,
not caring who saw and who wondered.
i was free and happy and young,
everything i ate tasted like yellow.
my hair was always loose and raved around my head
like madness, i could hardly stand to have it up for a minute.
tan and covered in dirt, face glowing in sunlight instead of
the blue-white of a broken computer screen.
everything i saw was drenched in the smell of ocean.
now i am alone
insecure and always thinking
trapped and miserable and too old to only be sixteen.
everything i touch is grey.
music no longer dances and rain no longer hurts
i'm numb and i'm
a cardboard cutout of the girl next to me
no uniqueness or quirks
[singing in my sleep is a thing of the past]
i miss the days when i was worth something.
but mostly, i miss the taste of