Somehow,

in some way,
he's gotten under my
skin, won't
go away.
Worming his way
into my heart,
unwanted, unneeded.
I can't say,
my life was great...
it wasn't.
Still isn't.
But that doesn't mean
he's welcome,
allowed to stay.
Unintentionally tugging,
gently pulling at my
heartstrings and
leading me astray.
I can't breathe with
this goofy grin
on my face.
I search him out,
visually hunt him down,
size him up and
watch my world
crash down.
Soft smiles
flashed at someone else,
I can pretend before
they disappear and he's
gone again.
I hide myself
behind my friends,
cross my fingers
and pray at night.
Because despite all the
pain he's caused,
all the tears I've
shed,
he's still in my
heart.
Somehow, someway...
still holding on.
And I don't know
if I want
him to leave, just
go away.