Whatever happened to Mary Jane?

That question that always haunts me. They always ask me that question all the time, fans, reporters, everyone. I know the answer but, I can't tell anyone even though it eats away at me. I'm at my breaking point, I see her everywhere now. When I get in my car, play in the band, take a shower or even sleep I see her. I need to talk to somebody or I'm going to go mad. Can you keep a secret?

It all started after I graduated from high school. I drove from Indiana to Hollywood to become famous like any other kid. It was opening season for the X Factor and I wanted to start off my career as a rock star. Before the opening day I went to a tattoo parlor to complete my edginess. That's when I first met her. She had long red hair and the most gorgeous green eyes you've ever seen. She looked like a hippie with that white blouse and flowy pants that look like a dress but, she wasn't dirty looking. Her sleeve was rolled up; her tattoo was a marijuana leaf so she was a hippie. She looked over in my direction with a pearly white smile.

"So what are you getting?" she asked me, her voice was beautiful.

"I don't know, it has to be something edgy but not too edgy."

"You should get a rose with bleeding thorns," she said. At that time it sounded cool. Before the tattoo artist began I asked her name. "It's Mary Jane, what's yours?" she said.

"Eddy," We didn't say anything after that but once we walked out of the parlor we were mates for life. Her name is tattooed on my arm with a bleeding rose under it.

Mary Jane was a good luck charm, it was because of her I became the winner of The X Factor and become the biggest rock sensation of all time. If you're wondering if that is the secret there's more to this. She lived in the same small town as me in Indiana. I've asked her once why I've never seen her there before but, she'd always broke down in tears so I've never brought it up at first. It was when we started traveling around she told me about her life.

Mary Jane grew up without a father. Her mother was a prostitute so she was never around but, she grew up with her grandparents. Things were going good until she turned 12 when both her grandparents died in a car accident so the next to take care of her was her Uncle Travis. That's when the nightmare started. Until she was 18 she was home schooled, her uncle was 'touchy'. At night he would come in her room kiss her, feel her up, then sleep with her. "The first time hurt," she said. One day she just snapped, she got a gun and shot him in his sleep.

Back then she was angry and depressed but, ever since she discovered weed she'd been a lot happier. There was this one time when I first went to her place she was making 'brownies'. When I first ate those things I felt happy and hungry even though I just ate something earlier. I'll probably say those brownies made me confident during the show. Maybe that's how I won, I don't know.

Since I've became famous I've became a wild partier. There wasn't a drug out there I've haven't tried, there wasn't a boundary I haven't cross. You can say I've basically did everything. Mary Jane didn't seem to agree with the lifestyle. "You're going to kill yourself!" she yelled at me once. She always told me to stop but, I didn't listen. I think if I did she would be alive.

On the night she died I was partying as usual. I was high and drunk at the same time. I saw her come in with a drink in her hand looking dazed. I remember walking up to her then I've blacked out then I woke up on top of her with blood spilling between her legs. I think she was alive but, back then I didn't bother to check her pulse. I was panicking not only did I rape her I killed her somehow. I wrapped her up in a carpet, went to the nearby dumpster, and threw her away hoping no one noticed anything.

There isn't a day that goes by that I think about her. I feel guilty about doing that. Since then I've got myself clean and sober but that isn't enough to clear my conscience. She's everywhere now, demanding why I did that to her. Mary Jane has haunted me for five long years and she'll never leave. You can't help me, I need to get her out of my head. The only way to do that is if I jump, I'm going now….bye.