Car Pool

"This is a boring ride." I said, "anybody got any jokes?"

Max said, "Jason does. Jason tell them the one. Come on Jason!" Max and Jason were brothers who rode in the car pool. Max was in the 4th grade. Jason was in 6th and in the same class as my daughter Emmy.

Emmy said, "it's going to be a stupid one."

Jason said, "you are just jealous cause you don't have any jokes."

"No, yours are just stupid."

"Jealous!"

"Stupid!"

"Come on," I said, "am I going to hear a joke or not? This is boring."

Jason launched in, "so there is a guy named Bernie and he goes to the grocery store and he sees that dog food is on sale. He tries to buy like 14 things of it so the store manager thinks he is going to feed it to his kids. So, the store manager makes Bernie bring his dog back to the store to prove he has a dog and he does and he is allowed to buy the dog food. The next week Bernie sees that cat food is on sale so he buys another 14 things of cat food and the store manager thinks he is going to feed it to his kids so Bernie has to go get his cat and he does and he buys the cat food. The next week he comes in with this brown paper bag and he tells the store manager to put his hand in it. And the store manager puts his hand in it and he takes it right out he screams, "AIIEE! There is poop in there!" And then Bernie says to the store manager, "I want to buy some toilet paper."

"Good one," I said.

Emmy did not agree. "That is so stupid."

"I have another," Jason said.

"Lets hear it," I said.

"Dad no. It will just be stupid."

"Come on. We need something to liven up this ride."

"Yeah!" Max said, "let's hear another joke!" He began to chant, "Another joke! Another joke!" We want another joke!"

Jason began again. "So a man walks into a bar and he asks for a Bud Light. While the bartender goes to get the Bud Light the man starts talking on his hand like it is a cell phone. And the bartender asks what that is about and he is like 'I was struck by lightning once and ever since then my hand is a phone'. And then this guy he asks to go to the bathroom. This guy's name is Bernie by the way, too, so Bernie goes to the bathroom and these guys come up to the bartender and say, like 'what was that all about?' And the bartender is like 'I'll show you when he gets back'. But then like 20, 30 minutes have passed and Bernie still hasn't gotten back. So the bartender goes to check on Bernie in the bathroom and the guy is bending over with toilet paper coming out of his butt and he says to the bartender 'hold on, I am getting a fax!'

"You see," Emmy said. "That was really stupid. I knew it would be stupid and it was stupid.

Max said, "I have one, I have one."

"Oh no. This is going to be stupid too. Dad, turn on the radio. Please!"

Max didn't wait. "So one day Charlie went to the bar after lunch. And the bartender asked him, "Have you seen Bernie?" "Yes, I have" said Charlie. "Where?" And he tells the Bartender the story which is – "I saw him at this morning and Bernie told me to get off my horse but I didn't want to get off my horse but he had a gun so I got off the horse. Bernie said to pull down my pants. I didn't want to pull down my pants but I had to because he had the gun. And then Bernie said take a poop. I didn't want to take a poop but he had the gun so I squeezed one out. Bernie said eat the poop. I didn't want to eat the poop but I had to because he had the gun. Then I pulled out my gun and pointed it at Bernie. I said Bernie get off your horse. He didn't want to get off the horse but he had to because I had the gun. And then I said Bernie pull down your pants. He didn't want to pull down his pants but he had to because I had the gun. Bernie take a poop. He didn't want to take a poop but he had to because I had the gun. Bernie eat the poop. He didn't want to eat the poop but he had to because I had the gun." So after that he told the bartender 'I had breakfast with Bernie!'

Emmy said, "I don't get it."

Jason said, "How do you not get it?"

"I get it but it is so stupid I don't see how it is funny."

Jason said "Nice one little Bro."

Emmy said, "What's wrong with you two? How come every one of your jokes has poop in it? Why is that funny?"

"Are you kidding?"

"It is just stupid."

"You don't know what is funny."

"Yeah!" Max added, "Poop is funny!"

"It is just stupid."

"Poop is funny! Poop is funny!"

"So stupid."

- Jay Duret

jayduret