Birthday Traps and Other Crap
So, before I begin, let me inform you on the progress of Billy Chapter Two. I have nothing at all. Sorry, moving on.
It may be a little late to rant about this, but a few weeks ago was my 19th birthday. So a couple of friends of mine drag me out of my house to go see a movie. I believe it was "Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden" or something like that. No, it was. I thought it was okay. Just okay, nothing special, really.
So after the movie, one friend and I waited out in the lobby for what seemed like an hour because someone had to take a humongous—
Anyway, the two of them decided to take me out to eat. They chose to take me to Hooters. Right then, I knew what they were up to. I've been to Hooters before, and I've seen what they do to birthday people.
We get there; we go in and seat ourselves. We take our orders, I just order a glass of water because… fuck everything else. Nothing beats H2O.
One of my friends tells us he has to go use the bathroom. To wash his hands or some nonsense like that. He wasn't fooling anyone; I knew exactly what he was doing. I see him stroll on over to a waitress and start talking to her. He points at me, she looks at me, and she looks back at him, and nods. He comes back over to our table and has one of those crazy smiles on his face.
I ask him, "Why did you do that?"
"Do what?" He responds, as he still smiles like a madman.
Next thing I know, a bunch of chicks in short, tight clothing start clapping, and dancing around me. They're shouting, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Well, they have their own form of birthday song, but you get the point.
I once told myself I would never get caught in one of those birthday traps. Who even likes that? I mean, sure… a bunch women in skin-tight clothing dancing around me. Awesome, right? Sure. When I want it. I'm picky though, and I didn't want that. Especially on that day. I just wanted to drink my water in peace and then get the hell out.
After Hooters, somebody decides to go to Wal-Mart because he wants some new clothes. I agree to this, reluctantly. We get there, and I decide to buy a few movies for myself. We purchase our shit and head back outside. It had start raining, and our other friend was nowhere to be found.
We spot him and his car at the way back of the parking lot. Once we catch up to him, guess what he does?
He starts doing doughnuts around us.
In the rain!
Sometimes I wonder…