i constantly act like i'm okay
with being alone

and with not having anyone to cuddle with
and argue over what movies to watch
or what music to play in the car

or someone who will bring me coffee in the morning
and meet me for lunch
and take random trips with me to
the middle of nowhere or the middle of the city

or doesn't mind getting lost in book or record stores
with me for hours at a time
and who enjoys going to music venues on friday nights,

but i fucking need that.

(i really fucking do.

i want to find someone who will understand me.

i've been in school for a week and i feel so lonely
which is stupid because
i do have friends here,
probably more than i do at home,

but i want a special someone to call mine
and i've never wanted that before

and that scares me.)

written 29 Jan 2013