Everyone had gone. I stood there in the rain by myself. Dressed in black from head to toe. This was my last goodbye to him. He was my best friend. My better half and he was gone. I never thought he would die so young. But here I am standing over his grave, here he laid six feet below me. I was still in shock. How could he be dead. I just talked to him the other day. He was fine. Laughing. Joking. Having a good time.
Everybody was so supporting. Everyone was hugging and crying with each other. Not I. I didn't want to be apart of that. I didn't want them to touch me. To look at me or to hear me cry. I pulled myself away from the others. They wanted me to talk to them. To share happy memories with them about him. How could I? How could I sit around and act like everything was okay and exchange stories with the others.
I know that they only wanted to help. I know that they all lost their best friend too. That they were all hurting, but I loved him. He was always there for me. The brother that I so desperately needed in my life. The father figure that stepped in when my own abandoned me. Who never gave up on me, who was always a shoulder to cry on. An eager ear to listen to my problems, who was so full advice that it could be annoying sometimes. I loved him like a brother. We were so close people tended to forget who I came from. What my last name was. They always referred to us as sister and brother. We never corrected them, we loved it.
Now, he's gone forever. When I have my nightmares he won't be there for me when I call him at 3 in the morning. I won't be woken up anymore in the middle of the night to pick his drunk ass up from one of the bars he was kicked out of. No more late night phone calls, random stops to Starbucks. His drum set will forever just sit in the same spot. No more early wake up calls by his beatings on the drums.
The rain was running off my face and into my eyes. I wiped away the rain and the tears. I was soaked to the bone and I was shivering non-stop. I wasn't ready to leave him yet. The others stood there with me for awhile. They finally gave in when it started to thunder and lightning in the distance. They tried to get me to go with them, but I fought them off. I wasn't ready to say my last goodbyes. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Footsteps behind me made squishing noises in the soggy ground. A rough calloused hand laced with mine. I looked up at him, his eyeliner was running down his face. His hat was missing his black hair of a mess was sopping wet and clinging to his face. He squeezed my hand as I looked away from him and back down to the coffin.
The red rose that I still held in my hand trembled against my skin. Biting my lip I kissed the rose petals softly then tossed it into the grave. It bounced around on the coffin then it landed in the middle. Droplets of water dripped off. Closing my eyes I said one last pray for my fallen friend. My beloved brother who I will never forget who will always have my love.
Wiping away the tears and rain again I squeezed his hand as he turned us around to leave. It broke my heart as we took each step through the mud to his awaiting car. I could see two others in the backseat waiting for us. The other car was gone already. I sniffed back some tears that were urging to come. I've cried enough for him. I know that's exactly what he would tell me. That I've cried too many damn tears for him, but he deserved every tear that I shed for him. I stopped again and turned around to look one last time at the grave that was waiting to be filled with dirt.
"I love you Jimmy Sullivan. I'll never forget you. You'll always have a special place here." I whispered pointing to my heart and continued towards the car saying my final goodbye.