Here We Go Again…

The roar still lay ringing in everyone's ears. Diana's Boyfriend had covered his ears after wards, disrupting the Aura. The animals and creatures looked about in confusion. They sauntered away disappointedly and distraughtly, until the rumblings started again.

"Darn it! Where'd he go? Gosh, I wish I wasn't so loud."

Commotion entered their heads and they went back to their leisurely homes for tea or whatever the heck animals do inside burrows. Frank, Freddy, Sarah, and Brandy looked worriedly towards Big Beauty's voice and spied quick glances at Diana's Boyfriend.

"What do we do?" whispered Brandy.

"Forest. Now!" whispered Sarah.

Freddy started saying, "But what about-" before Big Beauty screamed (but tenderly), "WHERE IS DIANA'S BOYFRIEND, THOMAS?!"

Upon saying "THOMAS", she lost her temper and struck the motionless mountain. There was an elastic collision between her fist of splendor and the motionless mountain. The mountain was no more.

Big Beauty hit the motionless mountain with so much desperation that there was barely a boulder left to tell of the incident. As the kids and Diana's Boyfriend took their first treads in the forest, they were pampered by a cloud of mountain and limousine particles. The bigger, deadlier pieces of mountain in motion flew overhead as jets breaking the sound barrier.

Sarah thrust from her pocket the ski mask she had taken.

"Put it on!" she yelled at Diana's Boyfriend.

Diana's Boyfriend yanked it away, sliding it over his wooden locks and below his domed chin. Through the thicket, they could see Big Beauty, just as old, just as dear as three days before, turning her head about.

"Darn it, Thomas! We lost him! I hope the kids died and he's lost. Then we'll be his only chance of survival. And I hope they're hearing us as we speak so they know how much I detest them for having Diana's Boyfriend!"

Big Beauty, a day after having left Diana's Boyfriend with the group, felt anxious and regretted leaving him with them. Thomas reassured her they would be dead in THREE DAYS or at least separated from him. Thomas, with his Future Feature, counted on them to die in either the hands of their fellow primate cohorts or the demise of the flying limousine. Thomas, however, did not count on the limousine (and Robby's letter, for that matter) being manipulated by Mr. Wilber to prevent the kids from dying once again. They started their search a few hours before, with Big Beauty fearing the worst, looking for him. Big Beauty saw a glow in the far off a great distance away, mistaking it for a cry for help. Little did she and the rest of the world know…

Big Beauty turned around and sat on the leveled motionless mountain, now a plateau perfect for sitting. She had her back facing them.

Sarah dropped her backpack with a thud and unzipped it. She searched for something within. She took out a purple launcher tube of some sort. Big Beauty could be heard saying, "Oh Thomas, your beard tickles my ear… What? Oh yeah… Remember Gnomey? She had that same problem too…," and so on.

Sarah walked to the edges of the forest as Freddy cried out, "Sarah!"

Sarah signaled him to be quiet. She continued towards the chasm.

They watched her shoot something. That something hit the other side of the chasm.

A rather eloquent Gothic bridge materialized across the chasm! Sarah beckoned them over quietly.

Frank grabbed Freddy in his arms and they took off. Frank whispered to Sarah, "What was that?"

"The Link Cable! Shhh!"

They crossed the two-lane Gothic bridge, the only sounds coming from the padding of their shoes. Everything shook at the end.

Freddy, in Frank's arms, looked behind only to see Big Beauty getting up and stretching, probably ready to keep searching.

"You guys," said Freddy aloud, "she's gonna find us."

She did.

Big Beauty jumped down into the chasm as light as snow.

The ground trembled and jumbled in delightful terror. The mountains jittered their stone teeth and clenched them with ferocity! Monoliths fell. The Gothic bridge fell. And so did the people at the end of it.

Big Beauty surmounted the scene with magnificence as she straightened herself in the chasm. They shuddered in awe at her immeasurable size and display of dastardly good looks. The chasm's depth made her only a few some feet taller than talking height. This was also perfect bargaining height.

Big Beauty shuffled and grabbed the nearest of them: one with a ski mask.

It had to be him, of course.

Frank, Sarah, Brandy, and Freddy now looked sternly at Big Beauty and Thomas.

"Tell me where Diana's Boyfriend is or I'll kill your Diana's Boyfriend decoy!" she demanded (but kindly)

The kids did not understand and explained.

"You can't kill other people in this world? Why not?"

They shrugged.

"Well that's okay. I'll let gravity take care of him."

Freddy wanted to admit that was the real Diana's boyfriend, but he decided to ignore his gut feeling and accept the fact everything would turn out fine.

"What makes you think that's a decoy?" asked Sarah.

Freddy out his hand to his face, muttering the word "No"

"Diana's Boyfriend is much smaller and casts a golden glow. A few minutes ago I was nearly blinded by his glow. I heard screaming. Or maybe laughter. I'm not sure, but if you're hurting him, I'll hurt you as much as I can until you're in some writhing state not considered dead. Now please give him to me."

"Wait-" tried to intervene Frank, but:

"No! Diana's Boyfriend is now property of the government! It's a new federal law! Diana's Boyfriend cast a glow that everyone around the world saw. It's only a matter of minutes before they calculate the epicenter. What can you guys do? They're adults. You're only six foot at the most. I'm much larger and I can protect him. If you truly care about him, hand him over!"

"Oh come on!" yelled Frank, "That's him! It's the mask that's covering his beauty!"

"What?!" stammered (but delicately) Big Beauty.

The others looked at Frank. Freddy almost regretted being in his arms, but hoped for the best.

"Thomas," she yelled (but jovially), reaching for him with her other hand, "Take off the mask from this supposed Diana's Boyfriend."

She held Diana's Boyfriend firmly to the ground and let go of Thomas next to him. Thomas had an unverifiable expression on his face. He walked over to Diana's Boyfriend, foot over time-struck foot, and looked deep towards the ski mask. Thomas held his composure as he stared into Diana's Boyfriend's mahogany eyes. Breaths held, Thomas turned toward Big Beauty.

"No! Big Beauty, I don't want Diana's Boyfriend to come in between us. I don't like the fact you always want him when you're with me."

"He's just a trophy, Thomas! He means nothing more to me than the Louvre."

"He's not just an object. He's… he's more than that."

"Don't make me choose between you two. I've wanted Diana's Boyfriend for so long…"

"Three days. THREE DAYS! How long have you known me?"

"Thomas, please…"

"Do this for me."

Big Beauty paused for several seconds. Her eyes pooled as she pondered.

Her grip loosened.

"Leave him with them. They've taken good care of him so far. He's probably better off."


"You guys made it. I really didn't think you'd live," he said to them.

"Thank you," added Frank with a smirk. He looked to Sarah and Brandy and then to Freddy.

"Thomas, I really want him."

"What about me?" he asked.

Big Beauty's eyes twinkled emeralds. Her lip quivered so slightly.

Big Beauty's fingers unfurled like serpents. Diana's Boyfriend walked away gingerly, a bit unsettled.

"Take care of him," she bellowed (but sweetly), "or I'll take care of you. As cheesy as that sounds, I mean it."

"Sure thing!" exclaimed Frank.

"And make sure you feed him and give him water."

"Uhuh," added Frank. Big Beauty didn't know about Frank's magical beings which took care of those things.

"And give him lots of love. And clean him every day."

"Will do."

Big Beauty grabbed Thomas. He waved goodbye as she brought him upon her shoulder, smile held tightly as she let go. Big Beauty looked at Diana's Boyfriend and then the others.

"I'll see you later," she boasted (but serenely).

Even with her however large pupils, the kids noticed she wasn't looking at Diana's Boyfriend.

Big Beauty adjusted her arms against the other side of the chasm. She suspended her leg and lifted herself up. Their feet felt shallow rumblings. Big Beauty straightened her back, the colossus that she was, and took a step. They watched her until she passed the plateau, her own creation, and felt only the deepest whispers on their toes until they called no more.

"See guys?" said Frank after a moment, "I knew we'd be fine."

"Thanks Frank," said Diana's Boyfriend, taking off the ski mask.

"No problem! Now let's get going. I don't think the government will want to buy you guys anyway. Can you take him [referencing Freddy] for me?"

"Of course."

Frank passed Freddy as Freddy stared. He looked at the only star visible in the sky, only an arc second away from the Ring. The sky was engulfed by the last fires of the day. The East would soon call the smoke of the night, spouting sparkling ashes of ancient dreams. If what Big Beauty said is true, they would not be able to stop any time soon. Freddy missed the Harry Potter tent.

"Guys," he said in Diana's Boyfriend's arms, "do you think the government's coming?"

"Maybe," said Sarah.

"She could have been lying," added Brandy.

Freddy continued, "What are we going to do about it, anyway?"

"What can we do?" asked Sarah, "We should just keep moving."

She continued to Diana's boyfriend, "We should be fine with you around."

"Okay," he said.

The movement of air was noticed and heard. It came from behind the motionless mountain, now a plateau. Wind, reverberating and growling. It grew louder with the seconds. Frank, Brandy, Sarah, and Diana's Boyfriend looked at each other.

Brandy tried saying, "Okay, so I was wrong," but all that came out was "Okay, so I was wr-"

The thunderous, air-splitting whoosh of a Fighter/Attacker-18 jet split their conversation. And their tympanums.

"We've got a visual," said Lieutenant Faith, "Diana's boyfriend has been spotted. I repeat: Diana's Boyfriend has been- what the heck is that? What are those?!"

The sky had a patch of freckles. There were only a few, but they were in restricted air space.

"Do you copy? I see some Ferocious Terriers in the sky. Permission to take them down?"

"Permission granted. Just make sure to get Diana's Boyfriend in one piece. I swear I'm the one who will marry him!"

"Put your mask back on!" cried Sarah.

Diana's Boyfriend did a juggling act to get his mask on.

"Frank," asked Freddy in one hand, "don't jets have jet fuel?"

"Ironically, no. Most run on diesel, nowadays."

"Oh great."

This is when they noticed the birds in the distance. The birds headed towards them for a destructive landing, although they weren't aware of it. They chirped and cawed and cooed all at once. The five of them found it necessary to run down the trail.

They weren't birds! They were Definitely Flying Boom Drill Bots! They looked like canisters with three wings attached. The canister spun around in frenzy, keeping the topmost head stable and motionless. The head had a spinning drill as a beak and adorable eyes. On the other end of the canister bird was a long fuse moving ecstatically as the canister spun.

The Definitely Flying Boom Drill Bots commenced a battle!

Drill Bot A exploded on contact with the ground, narrowly missing its targets.

Drill Bot C squawked!

Sarah took out her first resort weapon: the Paper Cutter. Sarah fired a shot towards Drill Bot C. Drill Bot C could not fly with square wings! It fell to the ground and exploded!

Brandy took out her cheaply made oboe and fired colorful bursts music. Drill Bot R was struck and fell to the ground in a samba of confusion, blowing up on contact! Latin lit, swing was swung, bluegrass cut! Drill Bots fell about!

Freddy was placed on the ground as Diana's Boyfriend found a Random Plank of Wood. Diana's Boyfriend knocked and bashed Drill Bots deftly! Fun Fact: When hit, Drill Bots make a sound resembling the laughter of an anthropomorphic pig with a handsome man's voice. The only reason I mentioned the pig part is because the Drill Bot snorts occasionally. He couldn't get many, though, since he avoided leaving Freddy by himself.

Freddy was a Carebear and therefore couldn't do anything. Oh wait. He was useful for something. When Diana's Boyfriend was in the middle of smacking of a Drill Bot (which sounded like it was enjoying itself), Frank took Freddy and held him up. Drill Bot J, aimed at Frank, hit Freddy. Drill Bot J pecked at cotton!

"Headquarters, I'm not sure if that's Diana's Boyfriend anymore."

Lieutenant Faith now encircled the commotion below in the manner of the birds earlier when Diana's Boyfriend was laughing.

"Did you lose sight of them?"

"No, but I did lose the glow. There's no glow down there anymore. Am I at the epicenter?"

"Pretty darn close."

"He's probably the one with the mask on. I'll send you a visual."

"Why are people running?" thought Patches.

"They've found him!" shrieked a girl. She ran around in a small circle, noticed Patches, and ran away along with the masses.

People followed her as well, but segued around Patches. He heard people mention something about City Hall and a screen. He decided to investigate and took a short walk to City Hall.

A projection screen lit the faces of the viewers. They all had similar expression: excitement, joy, and, most of all, jealousy. Tears streamed down faces. It looked like sweat dripping off a large body.

The projector displayed Fox News. There was something about Breaking News and stuff. Patches stayed at the back of the crowd. He leaned against the scratchy lining of a willow.

A lady came on the screen. It was anchorwoman Liz Lizette! The crowd cheered! Patches covered his ears until they lightened.

"…found him? Oh! We're receiving a visual right now! Everyone, these may be the first images of Diana's Boyfriend we've received in three days!"

Her image abruptly ended and transitioned into an overhead scene. It was from an aircraft. Vivid green-and-yellow flying canisters were attacking a group of four people. One, a girl by the looks of it, held a pistol and fired something at the spinning canisters, causing them to fall and explode. Another shot colorful blasts of magic through a black rod. Another in a ski mask held a wooden plank, most likely a Random Plank of Wood, and throttled the canisters. The fin al one held a fluffy shield against the spinning drill of a canister. Patches assumed the one in the mask was Diana's boyfriend.

He heard people cry, "Where is he?" and then cry.

"Headquarters, is it him?"

"Aren't I supposed to be wanting to jump in the screen if it were him?"

"So is it him?"

"I'm not sure. Can you focus on the giant in the distance? Maybe she has him."

"Now we're getting reports of Diana's Boyfriend being held prisoner by a nearby giant!" screamed anchorwoman Liz Lizette. People in the crowd booed and threw snacks at the projection.

The screen shifted to a large-built woman walking languidly in the distance. She was big. Hills cowered beneath her knees. There was a small man positioned on her shoulder. Could it possibly be…?

"Oh, Thomas!" snarled (but positively) the giant, "Your beard keeps tickling me! I like your beard more than Gnomey's."

The transmission cut short.

The anchorwoman Liz Lizette said, "Diana's Boyfriend does not have a beard, so that is most likely not him. Probably."

Definitely Flying Boom Drill Bot E fell apart spontaneously!

They won the battle! They gathered once more and decided to keep walking. There was a problem, though. Freddy had a hole. Stuffing puffed out in fibers. Freddy used his pink paws to prevent any more from coming out.

"Is everyone fine?" asked Brandy.

Freddy raised a paw.

"Is everyone but Freddy fine?"

They implied yes.

"Are you dying?" she asked Freddy.

"I'm not sure."

Freddy felt empty. Something was puffed out. He looked down and grabbed a pink piece of fabric. After examining it, he felt his heart stop.

"We need to keep moving!" exclaimed Sarah. They started off.

Freddy didn't pay attention.

It was his heart. A pink, commercially made heart stuffed in every bear so every child across the first world had a friend. Great. Just great. Freddy opened his bear palm and let the wind blow away his heart. Diana's Boyfriend saw it on the ground and said, "You dropped something."

"I don't want it."

"Is that a heart?"


"Dude, you're going to need that. What if you turn into a human again? Maybe a teddy bear can live without a heart, but a human can't."

"I don't need it."

Diana's Boyfriend knelt down and grabbed it.

"I'll take it just in case you change your mind."


He grabbed Freddy and caught up with the others who were waiting for them.

"Is Freddy okay?" asked Brandy.

"Yeah. He's just a little homesick."

"Huh?" asked Freddy to Diana's Boyfriend.

Diana's Boyfriend ignored his question and they continued walking.

"I'm cold," muttered Freddy.

"You need your heart."


Diana's Boyfriend, supposedly secluded, took off his ski mask and covered Freddy with it. If only he had been in front so the others would have noticed…

"Confirmed sighting. Definitely a confirmed sighting!" he said as his radar glowed gold waves around a point.

Pilot Faith tried concentrating on flying and not on cute boys.

"Really? Let me see! !"

"Sending a visual…!"

Patches covered his ears again. The sound of a hundred men and women screaming like women does not go well on the ears.

He saw it- A high-quality, close-up video of Diana's Boyfriend.

Anchorwoman Liz Lizette screamed, "AHHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ! WAIT… THEY'RE SENDING RESCUE!"

"You're job's almost done, Faith. Obtain his location now."

"Hey Sarah," started Frank as trekked down the hillside, "I have something for … is that a laser?"

Frank pointed toward Brandy's shirt. Frank looked for the source of the dot and found a jet on the horizon. The red dot slugged toward Sarah, then Freddy… Wait a second…

"Duck!" cried Frank.

They did so.

The dot lowered a few feet onto Diana's Boyfriend, unbeknownst to him. It stayed put, unwavering as it made calculations.

Nothing happened.

"Should we move?" asked Sarah.

"I guess so," finally answered Frank.

By the time they got up, the dot disappeared.

"Good job, Faith! As a reward you can attend mine and Diana's Boyfriend's wedding in Solvang next week."

"Not if I claw your heart out!"

The jet hit Mach 2 in four seconds! A sphere of tumult emanated.

One by one, they straightened their legs and looked around.

"Was that a sniper?" asked Frank.

"No, I don't think so," said Sarah, "I think it- Diana's Boyfriend, why aren't you wearing your mask?!"

"Freddy said he was cold."

"Freddy! Darn it! They know you're here!"

"I'm sorry. What should we-"

The sphere of tumult expanded over them, causing them to cover their ears.

"Ah, darn. What should we do?" asked Diana's Boyfriend.

"I don't know. Do you guys think we should turn back?"

They didn't have time to decide; a flying van came out of Mach space. This van was unlike Frank's van: it had a much sleeker style with frictioned black wheels and even a radio antennae. Basically it was two decades younger than Frank's and was a mini-van. Another sphere exploded on their ear drums, and this time they didn't have time to prepare to for it.

Their ears still rung as the van lowered. Hissing spouted from different exhaust ports as it neared the ground. The suspension system creaked as it made contact. The van's engine quivered and stopped, deceased.

The side door slid open.

A sphere floated out of the van. It absorbed all light except for the color purple, giving it a black aura. The sphere itself was made of a purple metalloid which conducted magic on several planes.

A laughing sound arose from the sphere!

Brandy's cheap oboe shattered.

Freddy should have changed to a human, but the Universe counteracted it.

The sphere was aware of Freddy's continual Carebear form.

The sphere cracked up!

Nothing happened.

The sphere blew into a thousand pieces!

Frank, Freddy, Sarah, Brandy, and Diana's Boyfriend suffered serious injuries from cuts and lodged shrapnel!

The smell of rotten eggs rose permeated their olfactory nerves from the detonated explosives.

Brandy and Frank fell to the ground. Sarah limped, along with Diana's Boyfriend. Sarah made it to the van and peeked inside.

There were a dozen or so LugNut Bots stored inside, limp like lichen. They appeared to be deactivated. She turned back and called:

"Frank! Ow, can you get up? Can you… drive this? We need medical attention!"

"Guys, I'm right here!" exclaimed the girl in the red sequined dress lying on the waterbed inside the van.

Sarah opened her eyes, attention blossoming, and reached for her holstered weapon.

"Hold on!" cried the girl, "I'm here to help!"

Sarah pointed the paper cutter at her, but then remembered she was invincible. The adrenaline left her system; she knelt down and curled on the ground.

"Okay, so why's everyone dying?" asked the girl in the red as she exited the van.

No one answered.

"I can't help you guys if you don't tell me what's wrong. Well, I can, but I want to hear it from you guys."

No one answered. She walked over to Diana's Boyfriend, stuffed animal in hand, lying on the floor.

"You're the reason I'm here. You're an Unnamed Unadult, Diana's Boyfriend. We work together to carry out missions, or something like that. I hope you're listening to me.

Diana's Boyfriend forced a chuckle. He couldn't talk (or make any coherent words for that matter) anymore.

"You're here to hurt us," croaked Sarah.

"No I'm not! Watch!"

She struck a pose. Then another pose. Finaly, on the third pose, she yelled, "HEAL!"

The four revitalized! They got up feeling much better, wounds magically patched and cuts woven tight.

Sarah got up and reproached her.

"You're here to help him to hurt us. Could you please just go?"

"What? I just helped you!"

"Thank you very much, now please go. It's your duty to prevent them from dying, right?"

"Sarah…" whimpered Diana's Boyfriend. He held up Freddy who was no longer conscious.

"What is that, anyway?" asked the girl.

"He's our friend," he responded.

"I can fix him for you!"

She reached into her dress and pulled out a sewing needle with some pink thread. She took Freddy and pushed the budging cotton back in. The girl moved the needle jittering back and forth, poking holes and guiding string. In a few seconds, she was almost done when Diana's Boyfriend handed her his heart.

"Can you put that in as well?"

She stuffed it in and sewed up the tear. The heart glowed for a few seconds then vanished beneath the faux fur.

Freddy opened his eyes and smiled a furry grin.

"I hate it," he declared.

"What do you hate?" asked the girl.

Freddy ignored the question and asked, "What happened?"

"You passed out," answered Diana's Boyfriend, "Why do you hate having your heart?"

"I just don't want it. Where are we headed?"

Frank yelled excitedly, "I'm going to drive us out of here! We'll fly to Fillmore! Get in the van, everyone! We have to hurry!"

Sarah went up to the girl and said, "Anyway, thank you for everything. I guess we'll be friends this one time. Hopefully next time we see you we can still be friends."

"Hopefully. We'll see. My name's Lisa Marie, by the way. I'm the Healer for the Unadults, in case any of you couldn't tell."

"Goodbye, Lisa Marie," intervened Brandy, "We couldn't have done it without you."

The others thanked her and gave her farewells.

Lisa Marie said, "Thank you all! Thank you Diana's Boyfriend for bringing me here. I wish you guys the best of luck!"

They gestured her goodbye as she danced with the air in one magnificent turn. In an instant she was gone.

They hurried into the van as Frank made it to the driver's seat. Frank cautiously adjusted his mirrors to reflect at eye level. That's when Frank thought about the keys.

"Uhhh, guys?"

He turned around to see the four of them sitting and laying on the waterbed.

"I'm going to hotwire this thing."

Frank turned back and tugged at wires.

Sarah said, "I have the Skeleton Sculptor! It can create a key for any lock!"

"Ahhh, this'll be quick. Thanks anyway," he said as if from within a cave.

Brandy asked, "Can we help you in anyway?"

"No. I think I've almost got it."

The car started a second later.

The five rocked forward as the van lifted.

"Frank!" yelled Sarah.

"I'm sorry! I've never driven a van like this before!"

The van leveled as it rose. Freddy got up to and waddled over to a LugNut Bot to examine it. Frank stumbled with the controls, causing Freddy to do the same.

The van deliberately moved forward. It started out at ten miles per hour but gradually rose to ninety. Frank turned around to survey their grouchy faces. They weren't. In fact, they gave him signs of approval and thumbs-ups. Frank grinned back and concentrated on the air space.

Freddy stared at the LugNut Bot, its hexagonal frame glinting. He took note of the light receptive beads for eyes, the eyebrows permanently chiseled angrily, the freckles of rust, the legs and feet like metal straws. Most of all, its gaping jaw clung circularly, oohed by everyone and everything.

"I didn't know Mr. Penumbridge wanted Diana's Boyfriend as well," said Freddy.


"No one else has LugNut Bots?" asked Frank.

"Not that I know of," answered Sarah.

Static could be heard. A voice was behind it.

They looked out the windows at the sun-bleached lands. Hills of grass, dry and dead, stretched past all wonder. They looked out the back window to see an F-16 Fighting Falcon tailgating them.

"… boyfriend. This is the last time we will ask."

"What? Really?" asked Brandy.

"I'm sorry, guys," added Diana's Boyfriend, "I hope I don't get us killed."

"Diana's Boyfriend," spoke Freddy, examining the LugNut Bot's miniature purple gun, "You're not okay with them taking you away, right?"

"Of course not! I don't want to be owned by anyone."

"Then we'll have to fight, right?"

The jet waited eagerly to feast on the yummy Diana's Boyfriend. It's seat was clear, ready for occupation, and the whirs of its smiling engine whinnied with delight. The jet touched the tip of its nose to the rear of the van. It decided that would be dangerous walking ground for him. The jet opened its canopy and brought it aft.

The back compartment of the mini-van opened. The jet saw three figures standing. One was a girl with brunette locks. She held a shattered rod. The other was Diana's Boyfriend. 'Nuff said. The last one was a girl with neck length, brunette hair. Important Fact: The F-16 Fighting Falcon was designed to fly and recognize people based on how beautiful their hair was, in case you couldn't tell. This made them invaluable as they could track virtually anybody from thousands of feet in the air. She held a giant screw.

Sarah threw the LugNut Bot at the jet. A cloud of force and fire lit their stern faces. Sarah grabbed another one and threw it at the jet before the jet screeched, "Great. Just great."

The aviator's compartment managed to close. Sarah threw one more LugNut Bot at the jet before it flew overhead. Sarah had agreed to be the thrower considering she was the most willing with the best aim.

"Thank goodness there wasn't a pilot in there," yelled Sarah over the blathering wind from the open trunk.

Rips and abrasions could be heard above. Dazzled by the noise, they had a general idea what the jet was doing.

Frank knew too, and set the van on autopilot in a frantic panic. He got up and yelled, "What should we do?" as the van steered to the right. Frank looked back and turned around with a flabbergasted look around his eyes.

Freddy yelled, "Take the guns from the LugNut Bots!"

The others grabbed the tiny guns, barely able to fit their fat fingers on the triggers.

Drilling and stabbing, it didn't take long for the roof of the van to give. The jet inserted a rectangular tube into the van.

Rectangles dropped down! Worse than that, though, they were cereal boxes! One then two then three… They got up on tubed feet and showed their faces to the rest. The word "GOOD" made up their eyes, with the O's making the eyes. The mouth was made up by a big, pink bowl underneath the GOOD with a spoon sticking out of it. The cereal advertised was a corn puff cereal, but not much else could be said. There were nutrition facts on the side and some games to play on the back, but no one ever played them.

The Treading Cereal Boxes shot corn puffs at them! The boxes ignored Diana's Boyfriend and Freddy, they all shot at the boxes. The Treading Cereal Boxes absorbed the shots using the Magic of Fiber!

Cereal puffs scoured the carpeting of the van. Eyes grew red from all the lightly sweetened puffs shot against eyelids. Brandy and Sarah kept trying to shoot back, but the Magic of Fiber was strong!

Freddy watched as the last box was dropped in. He saw the tube recoil. He saw Frank tackle a cereal box. He saw Sarah and Brandy try throwing their guns at the boxes in desperation. He also saw he underside of the jet as it positioned itself behind the van…

The smiling engine coughed black as Freddy's shots settled in. Teeth broken, the jet heaved lung-fulls of smoke.

"Get back," yelled the jet, "I'm going down! Form a barrier pose!"

The Treading Cereal Boxes stopped moving the looked toward Diana's Boyfriend and shuffled over to him. One stacked this way, another stacked that; they jumped onto each other to form a solid prison one point eight meters high. All that could be seen of Diana's Boyfriend were his eyes beaming back at them. They edged toward the open back of the van…

Frank panicked, grabbed a LugNut Bot, and threw it at the barrier pose. The problem here is Frank is flimsier than Floppy Froggy. Fun Fact: This is his first mention in this book! This is also the last Fun Fact. Frank's aim is sub-par for a kangaroo. There was no chance he could ever hit the barrier pose.

The barrier pose of Treading Cereal Boxes jumped off as Frank's chucked LugNut Bot flew by.

The barrier pose fell steadily towards the jet.

Just as it made a touchdown, victory, game-over for Diana's Boyfriend, the rumble from the LugNut Bot exploding on the Jet made the barrier pose lose its footing. The Barrier pose slid off in terror as the jet accelerated downwards.

"DIANA'S BOYFRIEND!" they screamed.

Patches watch the skies as a tiny box avoided being captured by a tiny falcon. The falcon flew behind it and suddenly started smoking. A bit later, a dot fell from the jet and the jet fell even faster. The dot fell and fell a ways off until the trees obscured him. No one else noticed the situation a thousand feet above until the jet crashed onto a hillside.

The van flew away, but no one noticed. Save patches, everyone was too concerned with the news on Diana's Boyfriend: What was going to happen next? Where would they keep him?

News anchorwoman Liz Lizette said, "We're getting news about Diana's boyfriend right now aaaaaannnnnnd…"

She held her hand to her ear and held her mouth open. Her eyes widened noticeably and she put her other hand against her chest. Anchorwoman Liz Lizette made some sort of grunt as a tear streamed down her cheek.

"The rescue has been shot down…" she croaked.

Her sobbing commenced everyone else's sobs. They completely forgot about the raging fire on the hillside.

Patches took a step from the tree and turned around. He left the city hall perplexed.

They stared silently as the jet crashed on the hillside, a cauliflower of fire growing too rapidly.

The van turned a little more to the right. They made sure to hold on as it turned.

Frank closed the trunk and said, "I'm sure he's fine!"

"Yeah," said Sarah, "He has Lisa Marie on his side. And the Universe."

A sense of relief came over them. They knew they couldn't do much more.

Frank added, "I didn't tell you guys but we're going to Florida!"

"What?!" they asked.

"Yeah. Apparently I can't take it off of autopilot."

"But what about Moon Crater?" asked Freddy.

"I'm not sure about that. The autopilot said 'Orlando, Florida'."

"Great," said Brandy much like the crashed jet, "Just great."

Sarah asked, "Are you sure you can't do anything about the autopilot?"

"Not that I know of. I could hit the controls repeatedly. Maybe that would help."

They sighed, not knowing what to do next. He didn't even want to mention the fact they flew over Fillmore.

"I know," disrupted the silence Brandy, "Let's just watch the sunset."

Brandy opened the window on the trunk door. The four put their arms on the rim, poked their heads slightly out, Freddy on his toes, and stared at the fluttering wisps of clouds on the horizon as the sun set.

It was spectacular.


Saturday's sunrise turned out to be just as spectacular as Friday's sunset.

Diana's Boyfriend woke on top of dead, crumpled cereal boxes. He stepped off the pile and looked at his surroundings. There was a swing set, a basketball court, classrooms… it turned out to be an elementary school. Diana's Boyfriend wondered what day it was. It had felt like he had been asleep for a long time.

He wondered how he had survived the fall. He wondered, too, where all the students were. He decided to ignore these questions, though, and flopped to the floor not knowing what to do next. Legs crossed, he rummaged his fingers through the strands of grass. The sun blazed yellow as eight turned the clock. The field glistened green.

Diana's Boyfriend looked down and saw it. He picked it with little thought.

The little thought, though, said this:

"A five leaf clover?! Is this real?!"

He looked closely.

It was real!

Diana's Boyfriend sat staring at his prize.

Smiling like there was no tomorrow.