title: the stars in december

summary: on surviving. and learning to breathe when you're drowning.


(-suicide's a sin they said but she

wasn't anything close to a saint-)

She didn't do it because she was sad.

No, that wasn't it at all. She did it because she wasn'tsad. She wasn't happy or angry either. She was nothing at all and thatwas the problem. She was numb and empty and somewhere way past "depressed." She was something like a walking ghost and even though she'd been alive she was dead on her feet.

And maybe it'd been inaccurate to say that she was numb because she wasn't, not entirely at least. There was this dull ache she felt, like a hole somewhere on her soul that told her she didn't want to exist anymore (she didn't know if there was a word for it but loneliness seemed like part of it).

She simply did not want to exist and that was why she did it.

She was halfway under water that was tainted red and her veins were drying out. Aria barely heard the desperate shouts that sounded like her name and the hard pounding of fists against the locked bathroom door.

She exhaled and closed her eyes and didn't open them again.

There was a smile on her thin lips.