I don't remember much of my childhood. Actually… I hardly remember it at all. After certain events, the Authoress locked my memories away until the time came when she wanted to give them back to me. I wish it would come sooner. She refuses to tell me when.

I spent most of my time thinking, sitting alone in my decrepit castle home. Throughout it I've managed to come up with a small bit of my beginnings...

For one, I was not "born". I do not have parents. I came to be spontaneously somehow. I remember… I remember waking in the forest, alone and frightened. I didn't know what to do. Where was I? Why was I alone?

Fortunately someone eventually found me. His face is but a blurred shadow, and his name escapes me entirely. I do know, however, that I simply called him Grandpa. He was an old elf from the nearby village, which he took me to. Having no place else to go, he allowed me to stay with him. I remember being happy. I think. I hope. I assume?

From there things are so indistinguishable that I don't even know where to start trying to sort it out. Usually I develop a headache before I can delve too deeply into it. It frustrated me; I could read tome after tome about magic to cure my healing curse, yet I can't bear to remember things.

The Authoress secretly hated me, I knew it.

In the meantime, currently I was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. My legs were crossed at the ankles and I had my hands behind my head on the white pillows. "Hm…" I glanced at the door. Extending my arm, I flicked my hand to the side. It opened obediently.

"I require a blob!" I called. My blobs were literally creatures born of my magic. They didn't exactly have a shape beyond vague arms and legs, and two long, white slits for eyes. But they obeyed me without question so I didn't complain.

Two shuffled in and stood at the end of the bed. One saluted me. "Skree-ah?" It squeaked.

"I just want something to eat. Make it a surprise, but make it edible." I waved dismissively.

They bowed quickly before hurrying from the room. I went back to daydreaming, my gaze glued to the rather bleary ceiling.

"You know, you could get up and get something yourself."

"That would require me moving." I glanced to the side, groaning internally as I beheld the Authoress sitting next to me. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm…bored." She flopped backwards with an aggravated grunt.

My left eyebrow skyrocketed. "You mean ponies aren't entertaining enough for you?"

"Season three just ended, Darhc; don't remind me." She shot me a glare.

I sat up and formed a small energy ball in my hand. Tossing it back and forth from hand to hand, I sighed quickly. "What do you really want?"

"All right… So maybe I want a distraction." The Authoress snapped her fingers to disappear.

I was about to lie down again when she suddenly reappeared in front of me. I gasped in shock and fell back on the mattress. She smiled coyly. "You wouldn't mind helping me, now would you?"

"What kind of help do you have in mind?" I eyed her cautiously.

"Not the kind you're thinking of, that's for sure." She rolled off the bed to stand over me. "Mind if I take you for a test drive? I'm a bit rusty in some particular scenes of writing and I could use the help." Her blue-green eyes flashed with hope behind her glasses.

I nodded. "Yes I mind! I'm not just some sort of puppet you can control all the time!"

Her innocent expression darkened as she held out her hand. "Actually… You forget that you are." A fountain pen materialized and she began scribbling furiously in the air. "The pen is mightier than the sword, Darhc. Or in this case… Mightier than you."

"Don't you—"

I never had the chance to finish my sentence as the next moment I felt myself being pulled from the dimension.

My eyes opened slowly as I groaned. Rolling over on my back, I realized I lay on my bed again. I sat up slowly, wincing as I felt the wound in my abdomen flare. My flesh hadn't quite finished repairing itself there.

Due to a healing spell—or curse, rather—I cast on myself ages ago, I healed from any wound, injury, or illness almost immediately. My recovery time really just depends on what happened to me. For instance, losing a limb could take me anywhere from three days to a week and a half to regenerate. If I just lose my hand or something small such as that, three days; my whole leg, upward to two weeks. And if I were to lose my head… Well, I'm not too keen on finding out.

The only downside to this is that I can never, ah… To be blunt, I can't have sex or bear children. It's bothered me for a while now, but mostly when Saidon still lived. We could never consummate our relationship in the bedroom due to my overly-protective systems. It was at that moment that I made it my life's goal to find the spell or potion or something to cure myself.

I stumbled to my feet with a low moan. "Damn it, Authoress…" Why, of all the things to do to me, did it have to be that?! I never once agreed to help her test out a new character! Especially one with a machine gun… Bullets don't normally bother me, but having fifty strafe through me at once is a bit much.

Pressing my hand to my stomach, I made my way out my room and down the corridor. I figured some fresh air would help me clear my head. Using the wall as support, I managed to get to the nearest balcony of my castle. There were many on this floor for some reason. Had I built this place, I would know why. However, no one could remember where it came from, not even the Authoress.

I stepped out into the sunlight and slumped to the ground against the banister. "Oh… My good lord…" I flinched as I moved too suddenly to limply hang myself over so I could see the forests.

As usual, they were dark and green and mysterious. It almost made me want to go hunting; I hadn't feasted on a good, bloody heart in ages. If I did so, I would heal faster. Getting down there was the hard part. My breath was already coming in short bursts.

Against my better judgment I hoisted myself up and climbed on the banister. I smiled slightly as I felt my flesh pull at itself, but with much less pain than before. With that, I dove toward the earth. Air rushed by my ears, tossing back my raven hair. Before I hit the ground I teleported myself safely some feet away. Brushing myself off, I decided to go in search of some helpless animal to slaughter.

My design, being that of a vampire and werewolf hybrid, dictated that I had to have some sort of other substance than just normal food. Not that I could necessarily argue. Having the strength and magic to level whole cities was fun, I'll admit.

I just wish I didn't have to deal with her all the time… The Authoress.

Man, she confuses me.