A/N: This story is a bunch of mush that came about my slight, personal depression. Please disregard it. Actually, I'm pretty sure that this technically isn't a story. I also think that this may not really be allowed on this sight :/ Either way, I'll probably delete this piece of randomness soon. I don't even know why I'm uploading it. Heck, I didn't even edit this properly. But yeah, I'm essentially just venting right now, so please disregard this piece completely. And please don't judge me. T^T


This is a letter that will probably never reach you. Other people may read it and get incredibly bored; but it'll probably never reach you. Even if it did, you might not even realize that this is a letter meant for you. But that's fine. That's how I intended for this to be anyways.


Hey, did you know?

When I'm around others, I always put up a sort of a front, a façade of sorts. I try to be practical, realistic, calm, and collected, a down-to-earth type of person. But it reality, I'm a clumsy and sporadic girl. You of all people should know this. After all, you tease me about it all the time.

I am comfortable in my mask. It's so much easier to deal with everything and everyone that way. It's my personal shell of protection, a shield that protects me from the world.

But when I'm with you, I always revert back to the clumsy me. In fact, when I'm with you, I'd rather be the clumsy me. The gentle teasing from you and all of my other friends makes me more at ease with that side of myself. And it gives me one more thing to talk about when I'm with you. It makes me feel that I'm actually as "cute" as my friends sometimes call me.

And when I'm with you, I want to be "cute". As "cute" as I can possible be.


Hey, did you know?

I don't usually have the commitment to be able to keep playing games like the one you introduced me to. Actually, I normally tend to play for about a week, and never touch it again. But this one game, this one game that you introduced me to, I intend to make the exception to my rule. It gives me one more thing to stay connected to you with. It doesn't matter too much now, but, soon we'll graduate, and college will take away the physical proximity that we've shared since before I can remember. I don't ever go on facebook, and texting can be too unreliable, so I wanted to forge another connection between us. And it's not like I don't enjoy it. It's just that I'm not used to committing so much time and effort in a game like that. But I'll keep at this one just so I can talk to you more.


Hey, did you know?

We know each other almost inside and out. We're just that close already. You're one of the best friends I've ever had. But there is one, just one, lie I've always been telling you. Well, to be exact, I haven't really told you a lie, but I might as well have.

I've always acted to be extremely adverse to suggestions that I may like you. You should know. You were there. Whenever any of our common friends suggested that we should go out, we've always laughed at the idea and dismissed the idea as ridiculous.

That was my lie.

Whenever they proposed it, I earnestly wished it was true. And it hurt to laugh it off. It hurt to look at you in the face as you laughed with me. Every time it happened, I cut off what I truly felt and desperately hid my emotions from you.

I've always unfairly wished that you would notice what I've always actually wanted to say. But how could you, when I've been hiding it so secretly? Hiding it so well that even I might not have recognized it for what it really was?


Hey, did you know?

I'm a scaredy-cat and a coward. And not just because of my extreme disdain for bugs, insects, arachnids, and the like.

I say that I'm afraid that I'll lose what I already have now. But that's not really true, is it? It's just an excuse, at most. I know, already, that no matter what happens, you'll always be a dear friend to me. This, I know, will never change.

I already know the words I want to say. I've known them for a long time now. But I lack the courage to say them. Even though I don't really have anything to lose, I'm too scared of myself to move forward. Will I get hurt? Will I be able to move on?

Will I end up hurting you?


Hey, did you know?

I'm sick and tired of it. Sick and tired to waiting for you to realize something I ought to tell you myself. Sick and tired of telling myself, "maybe, just maybe…" over and over again. "Maybe, just maybe" you'll notice if I do this? "Maybe, just maybe" you'll notice if I nonchalantly say this? "Maybe, just maybe" you'll notice if I follow this specific piece of advice I've read on some random girl magazine that I picked up just to find new advice on? "Maybe, just maybe"…

But it really is enough already. I know that I need to put an end to this one way or another. And I know that I'd rather have this off of my chest, no matter how it ends. So why can't I find the courage to do it?


Hey, did you know?

Did you know how much I look forwards to spending time with you? Did you know how I would go out of my way to make time specifically to talk and play with you?

Did you know how a single text message (or text message reply) from you could really light up my day? How happy it made me just to see that you really did think of me from time to time?

Did you know how much I look up to you, no matter how much I may tease you?

Did you know that talking to you could ease away my frustrations?

Did you know that I cherished every contact we make, no matter how silly it was? That I cherished every conversation with you? That I cherished every secret that was shared by just the two of us?


Hey, did you know?

There's something I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time now. But I've always been pushing it back. I've been doing so for years. Maybe, just maybe, I'll find the courage to tell you one day. Maybe, just maybe, they'll reach you.

I would ask, "will you go out with me?", but that's not what I really want to say. That isn't the point that I want to make. It isn't about me. It shouldn't be about me. But rather, I want to make it about you and what I truly feel of and for you. What I always have felt for you, all these years.

And maybe, just maybe…

「好きです。ずっと。。。あなたの事が。。。好きでした。」

…one day I will tell you.


A/N: Yeah... I'll probably delete this soon. Please erase this from your minds for the time being... I'm sorry you had to read my ramblings.