Chapter 37


A lot of stuff has happened between yesterday and the beginning of the year. So I guess I'll just start with what happened in March? Yeah that sounds about right. Okay so around the end of March I went to State Fccla with Beth, Joe, Brooke, Rikki and Bailey. To be honest, I had no idea that I was going until Mrs. Hauptly was like hey you should totally come and Brooke was like yeah you should! And Rikki was like yeah I went freshman year and you should too. So I guess you could say I was peer pressured into it. But I'm glad I went, I mean I didn't present anything like them, but I watched them and got ideas for next year if I want to do it and it was awesome I mean I ate a lot more than I should have but I had a lot of fun, until I got a call from my mom one night. She called telling me that our grandma wasn't doing well. She had let the same day I did to go out to Arizona and it had only been two days. She told me that grandma wasn't very talkative and wasn't responding when they asked her questions or tried to talk to her. I remember leaving the room crying and crying in the bathroom, which was kind of embarrassing. When I came home the next day I found out that my grandma had passed away, eleven months after my grandpa. The funeral was to be held in June, for both of them.

That Monday when I came home, we had all state speech, which I did not make it to, but some of the other kids did. I wasn't going to go because of missing three days already with FCCLA but Bridget talked me into it, saying she'd promise to help me with any homework including Algebra and Physical Science. I agreed and that day we went to waterloo and watched people perform. We watched Levi's solo, and many many people were awesome. There were so many awesome kids and just like was awesome to see how hard these kids worked and to see how much it meant to them.

The next couple of days were fun though, we had solo/ensemble, which was what I was dreading the most. Madi, Nic and I had decided to do a flute trio and it was a bad idea. We had no motivation to practice until literally a week before and we were like hardcore working on being good. And we didn't do too bad, we got a two but better than a three or whatever. On the way there everyone was asleep but we left at like six in the morning and all the girls had to do their hair and all the boys had to well, they just probably stayed up late. So that day, after performing, I walked around and watched the seniors perform, along with my fellow classmates. I watched Joe do all his six hundred solos since he can play every instrument known to man, and I watched Lindsey and Bridget do their duet and they sounded good, they were nervous but good. I watched Joe and Shelby's duet, along with Levi's solo and his duet with Ashley, then we went to go watch men's choir thing, I think it was like honor? No that's not right but whatever, and when we did we were in the library watching them. To my right sat Bridget, in front of me sat Lindsey and to my left was Taylor and to Taylor's left was Ashley. Taylor pulled out her phone and began reading. "You've got to be kidding me?! Put that thing away Taylor!," Ashley said. Taylor looked up from her phone and laughed, "Please, I'm just reading!." "Exactly! We came here to watch and listen to them sing!," Ashley replied. I sat there giggling, it was like watching two little kids fight. "It's a book Ashley, it's educational. And plus they haven't even started singing!," Taylor said. "When it's your turn to perform I'm going to sit on my phone and make you uncomfortable," Ashley said. "Silvia, please tell Ashley I'm not talking to her so I can read my book," Taylor said looking down at her phone. Ashley looked at me, I think she expected me to say it, but I just kinda was like, "Um, uh T-taylor says" then Ashley stepped in and was like um no Silvia is on my side right Silvia? And I was like, "Well Taylor picks me up and gives me rides home and uh." "I can give you rides too! I just don't know where you live," Ashley said defensively. "Yeah and that'd be great, except I live in the middle of nowhere and you live in town," I replied. Ashley shrugged and nodded in agreement. Throughout the whole perform the two of them would hit each other and one of them would let out a little yelp. We went to some of the last performances and one of them was Taylor's. I never got to see her for individual speech and I really wanted to so this was like the only time. And she was really good, like even better than when we were riding in the car and she was just quietly singing. After this whole solo thing I apparently left my flute at the school we were at. Well I mean it was half my fault, okay whatever I'll just take full responsibility. I had it next to my bag and it fell under the bleachers, like underneath the part where you sit and when I grabbed my bag I couldn't see it so I assumed that someone grabbed it for me, but of course no one would. The reason I assumed is because there was two busses, one waiting for ratings would leave later, also the bus to take you to Freddy, and the other left right after everyone was done with their solo whatever. I thought someone from the first bus saw my flute and grabbed it but no. And Kara was pissed that she could have already been home but instead she was at the school still waiting for ratings. But we sat there and listened to music and then finally we got on the bus and we just kinda all sat there, I mean there was six of us. I got home fairly late and mom and dad wasn't too happy about that.

So the next day we had Fame practice. And the only reason I was actually in Fame was because I don't think Levi could find anyone else for the part. I mean the day of auditions mom wanted me home because it was apparently getting bad out, but I understood her concern and just told Levi I would help out with stage crew and stuff. But anyway back to the original point, I was waiting for Taylor to pick me up, it was Sunday so practice at two and I was talking to Cody. "Is Taylor there yet?," he asked. "No it's only 1:45, she'll be here soon." "Alright cool more time to talk to you," he said. "Aw thanks. So are you there yet?," I asked. He didn't reply so I got my stuff ready for practice. It was already 1:50. Weird, Taylor should be here by now, unless she's just running late, but she normally texts me if she is, I thought to myself. "You should call her," my mom said. I nodded and texted her first, "Hey are you still picking me up?" Within two seconds I got a call from her, "Oh my god Silvia! I am so sorry! I totally forgot I had to pick you! You even asked me at solo/ensemble and I totally forgot I am so sorry." I stopped moving and let everything process, I mean she was speaking pretty fast, I guess she felt bad, but I couldn't help myself. I started laughing and so did my mom. "What? Why are you laughing? I just forgot you! You should be mad at me! Swear at me say something!," she said through the phone. Finally I stopped laughing, "It's fine my mom will give me a ride in. I'll see you soon." I hung up and still was giggling. It was rude of me to laugh but whatever. I got to practice and everyone turned their heads to see me, "Nice of you to show up Silvs," Joe said. "Good to see you too Joe," I replied walking over to Cody. He waved and gave me a hug, "She forgot you that's hilarious." I laughed again, "I know she's all worried about it." Taylor found me, I mean the basement of the church wasn't huge or anything but I didn't just go up to her. I turned around to set my stuff on the table and she was right there, looking like she was about to cry, and that's when I really felt bad. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to, I just got so tired and I was already late and I just… I'm sorry," she said. I smiled, "It's fine. But one question, can I get a ride home or will you forget me?" She looked surprised but smiled, "Of course." She motioned me in for a hug and I hugged her. We started our scene and soon took a break, I don't think any of us were really ready to work. "It's cold down here," Joe said. I looked over at him, he was wearing shorts. "Well gee I wonder why," I said. I didn't think he heard me. "What did you say Silvia?," he asked. I was taken by surprised I mean I kinda said it more to myself then him, "Well you're wearing shorts and it's only fifty degrees and we're in a basement where it's normally cold." "Wow Silvia you look so nice today, but I don't think you'd look so good with a knife in your neck!," he said. "You really think I look nice, oh wow gee thanks Joe! You're so good at giving compliments," I replied.

So my weeknights consisted of going to play practice and getting rides home from Taylor and watching her drive without hands and listening to her sing and according to her, listening to her ramble about her senior life. And half the time she said that she was sorry for singing so badly, and when she would say that I wanted to protest and tell her that she sang better than the actual artist but instead I didn't say anything although looking back I probably should have. So one night, when I was hey guess what, texting Cody, I was like I need some advice. "Alright, I don't really do advice you do but okay," he said. "I really wanna tell him that I like him," I replied. "And? That's cool are you going to? I mean you told me how you felt…." he said. "Yeah that's true but I told you so things weren't awkward and then we both just kinda laughed it off," I said. "Correct, again" he said. "Okay so my other friends say I should ask someone else for advice maybe Taylor?," I ask. "wow you have other friends? Someone record this day in history please! But yeah maybe I mean shes old, er older I guess she'd know a little more than me or Bridget or whoever," he replied. "yeah alright well I'll see you in like twenty minutes," I said. "oh yes we have fame. We will be famous. No I won't be you will be though," he said. "Shhhh I have to go taylor's here to pick me up," I replied. "Alright good luck." I'm pretty sure when he said good luck he was referring to asking Taylor. I mean normally asking people my age things I'm okay, but alright let's be honest here when I have to ask one of the seniors for a ride home I'm like holy shit please don't make fun of me because I'm not old enough to drive yet. And that's only one example. So I had, well I mean I didn't have to but I feel that this question would help me in my spiritual journey of being a freshman and yeah, to ask Taylor advice about my personal life which number one was embarrassing for what reason I'll never know I just felt it was, and two I mean I don't really have a reason two. Anyway we arrived at practice and the whole time I was wording the way I was going to ask her without embarrassing myself and just wording it right so I didn't sound like a dork. End of practice rolled around and I was like no no no I'm not ready and I really don't want to go home, I mean I liked being at fame because I was with my friends and I had nothing else to do once I got home. "So I take it you didn't ask her on the way here because you would have told me all about it right," Cody asked getting my bag for me. "Yeah I'm really nervous, I think because I' afraid she's going to laugh at me or something or like tell me I'm I don't know like stupid I guess," I replied. I was shaking, probably because I was cold and I was tired and hungry I had not yet eaten supper. "Taylor will not laugh at you or tell you you're stupid or whatever other horrible scenario that is running through your head. She is a nice girl who will help guide you and make sure that you're safe and don't die," he replied looking me in the eye. And Cody was right and I knew it but I was still scared of what she would think of me I mean like I don't have a sister or a brother to ask like, "Yo sister/brother who shares my parents blood, please enlighten me on how I feel about this special person and help me figure out if I should tell them I like them or not." But yeah I was mostly scared of what she would think of me, normally I wouldn't care but I mean I really look up to her so I was like oh god please don't think I'm a complete idiot freshman. Taylor had walked over in like two seconds and that above text was what was going through my mind on like replay and she was like, "Well you ready?" I was thinking, "No I'm not I need like six more years because I don't wanna seem stupid." I nodded and Cody gave me a quick hug before I followed Taylor. Cody followed behind us and before I got out the door to her car he said, "Text me in the car alright?" I nodded. So I got in Taylor's car and thought, okay say it, just go on and ask her. It's not that big of a deal, you're being stupid just ask. She was jamming out to a song and we made it to the highway that leads to my gravel road and I still hadn't said anything. We passed a house that meant we were like seven to ten miles away from my house. Alright well, you've word puked before so just do it now Silvia, just say can I ask you a question. C'mon, you can do it it's like five words. Okay here goes nothing, "Can I ask you something?," I didn't look at her I just looked forward, I could feel my cheeks burning. "Yeah sure, wait is this something serious that I should turn the radio off or should I keep it on?," she asked. The reason she asked is her car radio had to settings: off or blaring so loud you have to yell to converse. Honestly I didn't know if it was a serious question or not, "Um I don't know maybe?". She smiled, "I'll just shut it off." She reached forward and turn it off and then looked back at me, smiling. Well there's no going back now, "Alright, so I like this guy and I'm…. I'm not sure if I should tell him or not." (And honestly now looking back on the question, the answer and the fact I was so scared to ask her makes me embarrassed and makes me feel 110% stupid). There was silence in the car, silence that I did not like nor appreciate. Chill she's just trying to come up with the right thing to say it's fine don't freak don't freak. But I was totally freaking. "Okay, well. I mean I guess it just depends if you want to. I mean when you tell them you're going to have to go through like humiliation and embarrassment I guess and rejection…. I mean I do not like humiliation so I probably wouldn't, but I mean if you want to you totally should." I think she might have said more, but I was trying to keep up with her talking, she wasn't even talking fast I was just going slow I guess. To be honest, it was some good advice. She dropped me off and I went inside, still thinking of her advice. I took a shower and changed into my pajamas. Well, at least she was honest and didn't sugar coat anything or make me feel stupid. I went to bed that night thinking about what she had said and what to do in the future.

A/N Hey guys! I finally updated and this is all from like April so yeah I have a few more months to catch up on! So just to let you know I'm kinda sorta turning this into an autobiography thingy and I mean it kind of already was but just losing some characters, the only family member who will be staying is Gabe because he actually is someone in my life. Alright so there's that…. I'd just like to say thank you guys so much for all the support throughout this whole thing and I promise the next chapters will be the bomb dot com or at least I hope they will… anyway thanks again for reading about my life and stay young and stay strong! Forever and always bakland17