The Unspoken Rules of Our Relationship
-Neither Jon nor Alex is allowed to check out another person (except actors/actresses) while in each other's company.
-If either party breaks the previously mentioned offense: Jon has to buy Alex a teddy bear and the most expensive chocolates he can find; Alex has to let Jon go to the strip club and spend all their rent money for the month with Tony.
-When living arrangements are established, the toilet seat must ALWAYS BE DOWN.
-Alex must never be left alone on the Internet with a credit card.
-Seriously, NEVER leave Alex alone on the Internet with a credit card.
(Alex's amendment: Except on her birthday. But still, supervise; or else Alex and Jon's great-grandchildren will still be paying off the debt).
-The following dates must always be celebrated or there will be hell to pay: New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Valentine's Day, May 15th, July 7th, September 20th, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas. Oh, and Lincoln's Birthday because he was a damn good president and a badass gay vampire hunter.
-Jon has to learn to talk; Alex has to learn to shut up.
(Jon's amendment: Alex only has to shut up when both parties are in bed with the lights off).
-When the time for babies comes, the first child's middle name has to be Metallica.
-When both Jon and Alex get old, they have to remember that it wasn't the looks, but the soul they fell in love with. They also need to get some Botox. Lots and lots of Botox.
-If it is a Monday, Thursday or Sunday, and condoms are needed, Jon has to go get them. If it's a Wednesday, Friday or Saturday, Alex has to go get them. On Tuesday, flip a coin. Heads wins, the loser has to do all the work. No double entendre intended.
-In accordance with the above rule, if both parties happen to go grocery shopping and realize they need condoms, said material is to be mixed in casually with other household items. Beneath a pair of socks, for example.
(Alex's amendment: Or next to bananas for comic effect).
-In the event of a prank war between both parties: Jon is never to go for Alex's hair or eyebrows in any way, shape, or form. Likewise, Alex is to refrain from putting Jon in situations that involve touching, seeing, or being near bugs. Everything else is fair game.
-Just for kicks, Jon has to agree to let Alex teach him a few dirty Spanish words/phrases.
-To ensure his survival when Alex is on her menstrual cycle, it is advised that Jon offer sacrifices in the forms of of Neapolitan ice cream, romantic comedies, baggy sweatshirts, and lots of cuddling.
-And finally, Jon has to remember that even when arguments happen, Alex still loves him. Anger passes, but love doesn't.
I love you.