Wherein an author gives the keyboard to Evanescence, Greenday, etc.

Aragorn sighed as he beheld Narsil, the blade that had seen battle with beings far superior to humans. How could a mere mortal like himself save the world from destruction or enslavement?

It was in that moment that Aragorn felt compelled to sing; to sing a song that gave voice to his innermost feelings, all his doubts:

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)…

Your readers are probably reading your story because they want to read your story, not to think about a song they could be listening to instead. It's one thing to be inspired by a pop song, but it's another thing to have a character who's, say, a medieval knight belt out a ke$ha song in a serious work.

They Wouldn't Dare!

The truth or dare fic

On a really random stardate, the crew of the Enterprise decided to ignore their duties and play a random game of truth or dare in the rec room instead.

KIRK: Lieutenant Uhura, I dare you to go panties-less for the rest of the day!

Uhura listened to the orders from her Captain, and took off her panties, in the process giving the players a glimpse of heaven.

UHURA: Spock, I dare you and McCoy to dress up like the members of Daft Punk!

MCCOY: Hold on a minute! You can't dare two people at once!

AUTHOR: C'mon! Do it or I'll torture you! It'll be funny!

Oh, the truth or dare fic. It always seems to end up being an excuse for an author to have characters act out of character, have characters admit their crushes, and write sight-gags that don't work because, you know, it's writing and the reader can't see them!

Even worse is the spin the bottle fic, but I will not discuss that in this guide….