Author's Notes:

-I have NOTHING against gays whatsoever, but if you do, I suggest you leave right now.

-Kevin was created by my friend, who went to sleep after watching Jefferee Starr, and searching up penguins.

-Pink cupcakes for everyone!


It's Kevin! (And George)

I'm super positive you've seen me before if you like, lived where I live! I'm not gonna tell you where I live, cause then I'd earn a stalker, but still! I mean, how could you miss such voluptuously gorgeous hair? I've used the most fabulous hair styling techniques that most men haven't even heard of. Brutes. I mean, I know it's not 'masculine' to care about your hygiene as much as I do, but would it kill them to buy some conditioner every once in awhile? Davie says that I shouldn't care about what those barbarians do, so long as I pray what I preach.

Dave is like, my super best friend. He's really, really, smart and stuff. I guess that's just because he wants to become a physician when he graduates. Until then, he's stuck with me. Not like I'm complaining though. Davie is the coolest guy ever. He hasn't exactly gotten the 'Tall dark and Handsome' thing yet, but he'll come around. If he got some platinum highlights for his hair... Or maybe neon green. No, wait! Purple would be absolutely PERFECT. That way he'd be like Twilight Sparkle. And I could be Pinkie Pie!

I've already gotten the neon pink hair! I also have like, the bluest blue eyes of blueness ever, but I prefer wearing my sunglasses over them. Riding in style, so to speak. I look like a fabulantific gangster! Without the scary guns and stuff, of course. I mean, if you could call getting a paper cut deadly, than I'd be the best gangster ever! I could give anyone a paper cut with my variety of Matthew Mcconaughey posters. Oh, but then I'd get blood on it. Shucks.

Oh look, there's Davie now! Hi Dave! I waved excitedly as I saw Dave walk out of the school he goes to. You know, to be a physicist. Dave rolled his golden-brown eyes and walked over to me.

"Kevin." He said bluntly, although I could see his hidden smile.

"Davie!" I said cheerfully. "Hey, how'd you do on your finals?" I tapped my pink painted nails along my arm as I began to walk to my car.

"Eighty-seven." Dave said. See? I told you he's smart!

"Does that mean you're gonna be a physicist?" I'm hopping in my pink-clad skin.

"Uh-huh." Dave never really has been one for words. That's what makes our friendship so... Super! I do the talking, Dave beats up everyone who makes fun of me or my fellow Homosexuals. It really does work nicely.

"Yay! George and I were talking, and we thought we should all go out to eat if you passed. You know, to congratulate your victory!" That and I wanted some time with Dave to myself. He's been out working or at school, like, all month! I want MY time with him now.

"Oh really? Sounds good." Dave sounded just a bit sad, but I must've just imagined everything. Right? My super-best friend gives me a bright smile. Yeah, I guess I just imagined it. I mean, how could you be angry at that perfect row of pearly whites? You can't.

"Fabulous! Come on, let's go! We made reservations!" I said proudly. Look at me, making fancy dinner reservations all by myself!

"You made reservations? Already?" I fiddled with my sunglasses, pulling them up to get a better view of the parking lot. "Course!" I replied.

"What if I failed?" I could hear Dave's smirk.

"Then it'd be a cheer-up dinner." The corners of my lips curved up. Dave always tries to be so inconspicuous about hanging out with me. Whatever that means.

Dave grunted happily. Where was my stupid car? After a little bit more scanning, I finally found the bright silver truck that just happened to be mine. What? Not everything a gay guy has MUST be pink or rainbows. That's really stereotypical. I also don't care if I'm the perfect stereotypical gay. That doesn't mean anything.

I yanked out my keys and clicked them, unlocking the doors. Dave hopped in passenger and I took drivers. I don't care if I'm not the best driver; My Davie is getting driven. With George settled nicely in the cup holder, I drove off.

I'm an idiot. I forgot to mention my OTHER best friend, George. He's sort of like, a security blanket. George is a little green rubber penguin I got for my seventh birthday. Back then, I was already sure I was going to grow up to be fantabulous. But being fantabulous comes with a price. I was the only child in the male populous that wore pink. I even had my hair dyed a pinkish-blonde back then. It was sort of lonely, I mean, this was before the T-shirt company 'Tough Men Wear Pink' came out. So when I was younger, George was really my only friend. But that was okay. Thirteen years later, I found my super-best friend ever, Dave! I mean, like, real person wise. I'm also a social butterfly when it comes to the gay bars and such, but let's not dwell on my nightlife.

"Kevin?" Dave broke my train of thought, tapping my shoulder lightly.

"Yes?" I scrunched my eyebrows together.

"We've been sitting here for three minutes."

"Oh. Oopsies." A wave of heat and embarrassment flooded over me, making me smash the keys in the car and turn on the ignition.

Brittany Spears blasted through my car radio, making Dave laugh. I like his laugh alot. It's all bubbly and sweet. Nothing like the stoic slab of concrete he usually is. I pressed my foot to the gas, and we were off.

To Olive Garden, we go!