"In the beginning, there was darkness."
"That's a terrible way to start a story, Mom." The young girl sat up in bed.
"Then how would you start it, Vivian?"
"In the beginning, the gods were bored."
Sol stared at her child in wonderment. "Alright then."
Vivian continued, unabashed. "Claopis decided that he wanted to make stuff, and he could because he was cool like that. So he talked Claudonica into helping him and she did.
"First, because the gods were narcs, they decided to make stuff that would have the people who would live on whatever they wanted to make worshiping them forever and ever. So Claopis made a giant ball of fire that they could look at every day.
"Claudonica didn't like that. She was Claopis's sister and they kinda hated each other. So she made night because it would cut into the day and cause all kinds of problems. But I like night, so it's not a problem for me. She also made dragons because they would burn stuff up. And that's awesome. So I don't have a problem with that.
"Anyway, Levon and Shrior wanted to get in on the creating-the-world shindig, so they decided they would make times of day too. Except those were taken so they made seasons. Levon wanted happy springtime because she's weird like that and Claudonica had messed up stuff so that night was really freaking long and turned into winter and Claopis's happy daytime was hot and depressing and burn-you-up summertime. So Levon made spring and Shrior made fall. He's cool too.
"So around about this time, things were getting stabilized on earth about to the point where they could make people. So they all chipped in. Levon gave people luck, Claopis gave them peace, Shrior gave them prosperity, and Claudonica, being cool like that, gave us war and an incredibly painful means of reproduction. Thanks a lot," Vivian added.
"Shrior was all, 'What's up with that Claudonica? That's silly!' and Claudonica was all 'Oh yeah turtle-dude? Bring it!' and Bad Things happened for a while until Levon decided that it was a good time to say that she was hopelessly in love with Shrior because there is seriously no better time for that than in the middle of a giant divine spat.
"And there was all kinds of weirdness for the longest time because Claopis was trying to get everybody to like each other but they didn't, and Claudonica was getting her panties in a knot because nobody liked her and it turns out that Levon is freaking preggers!"
"Vivian!" Sol reprimanded her. "That is the most inappropriate way to talk about the gods."
"Well, that's what Dad always says."
Sol rolled her eyes. "I should've known."
Vivian continued, slightly mollified. "Well, Levon's gonna have a kid, right? And everybody's freaking out because they have no idea what to do and Shrior is obviously the father but they're really clueless like that so they just chalk it up to random magical conception, I guess. I don't really know.
"But Claudonica's pissed off now, because weirdly enough Shrior was like her boyfriend before this and she was totally pregnant too except the baby died because she was busy making winter happen and now she's royally pissed. So she decides to use some cool godly power that we don't know about until now, apparently and takes over the entire Earth with winter and night and dragons and stuff. And Claopis is zero help here because she managed to chain him up in the creepy moon prison with Drakkens guarding it. They're like dragons, but infinitely cooler."
"Viv, I work with magical creatures for a living."
"Huh? Oh, yeah, and Shrior's trying to keep things balanced by being wishy-washy like that, and when Claudonica decides it's a good idea to storm Levon's place for hanging out in, she goes into labor and that's really problematic. And this is the cool part - when Claudonica comes bursting in with all the pointy stuff for killing and finds Levon and her kid there, she does that kinda heel-face turn where she just stops.
"Levon asked her why she was there and she totally knew that Claudonica was going to kill her before but now she's weirded out because that girl is not one to beat around the bush. And Claudonica just looks at her and says that she changed her mind.
"And that's the end."
Sol knit her brows. "No, it's not. You forgot the part where Levon names her child Tobant, and he grows up to be the god of change because Claudonica had a change of heart when she first laid eyes on him. And Claudonica became the Mother Goddess and set Claopis free to reign over his own place? And the Treatise of Avaril?"
Vivian slipped under the blankets, pulling them up to her chin. "Yeah, but that part's boring. I just like the first part because Claudonica gets to be all evil and stuff."
"You are something else, Viv."
A/N: Yay finally an update :P This is Sol, talking to her beautiful child Vivian. I decided I needed a character who could say "In the beginning, the gods were bored" in all seriousness.