22nd September 2010

All through the swimming lesson it was amazing; laughing and messing around, sharing the occasional joke or simply saying a word or two. I was trying to be as nice as I could; it seemed that he was too. Getting changed he tapped on the window by the outside door of the girls changing rooms. Of course, he couldn't see any of us nude and we couldn't see him properly but he tapped, waved and laughed. Obviously knowing it was me he was aiming it at.

The trouble started outside in the pouring rain. I tried to talk to him, to make things okay between us. He told me his life was better without me though. I thought that would hurt me and sting as deep as my soul but I didn't feel anything. Like as if my heart was shielded from him. I didn't even look into those amazing emerald eyes, afraid that he was going to hurt me with them. So desperate to hug him and tell him how sorry I was but only being able to do one thing; walk away into the misty rain carrying my toughened soul and forever broken heart deep within me. I could see him turn to look at me and think what's going on? Why did she just walk away? Was that her giving up? But I kept walking away and tried not to look back. It was one of the hardest things in my life.