The day my sister committed suicide I had been sick at home. I had always been there to protect her no matter what. She had been a cutter. They called her emo, freak and Satanist. We both loved the same band Black Veil Brides and she would cry herself to sleep. When I was with her I sang Savior. It was our song the song that kept us both from going too far with that knife.
I coughed as my phone screamed at me. I recognized the song Perfect Weapon. It was Madeleine's ring tone. I smiled, when I had texted her this morning to say I would not be coming to school she had promised she would phone me.
"Hey." Her voice was subdued
I was immediately concerned.
"They pushed me to the edge. I can't take it anymore." She started to sob.
"Don't you dare try to commit suicide!" I almost screamed at her.
I heard the phone shake. I felt tears run down my face.
"Please sing Coffin, the Morticians Daughter and Savior, only you can sing them and I love you my sister thank you for keeping me going through all these years."
"I promise I love you too sis thank you for always saving me from the darkness."
The call ended and it fell from my grip. My mind was screaming at me to run to jump on my bike to rush to where she was to save her again. My body would not move I could not move my arms or my legs.
Madeleine looked down at the knife in her hand. She stripped and climbed into the hot bathwater and lay there for a few minutes running through the memories she had shared with Nadine. The laughter, the tears and the heartbreak. She had always been there for her always keeping her away from this. They had both self-harmed. She laughed the sound mixing in with her sobs.
She ran the knife gently over the inside of her right forearm. Madeleine gripped it and drew it downwards. The blood flowed into the warm water and stained it pink, she switched it over to the other arm and did the same. The water was now blood red. She felt her brown eyes start to close and gave a small smile. It was her last smile ever as she passed form this world and into the next one.
I gasped and sat upright and immediately felt dizzy. I shook my head and felt a deep sadness overcome me. She had done it she was gone. I let my head drop back down into my pillow and felt the tears drip down my face. My mind was screaming at me that she was gone forever. There would no longer be sleepovers where we would stay up all night and watch the Kerrang channel. No more fan girling about CC and Ashley Purdy. I climbed out of my bed and screamed. My voice was loud and piercing but I did care because my sister was gone. I ripped off the pale blue band that I wore to keep my scars hidden from the world. I picked up my knife blade again my instrument of destruction, I parted my pale white skin again. Blood flowed the color a sickly red in the light.
My mother came walking in and in the moment I felt shame and anger that I allowed myself to feel that pain again. My head numbed and I once again felt the death of my friend she had been my rock my friend. Someone I could rely on no matter what I was going through.
She screamed at the blood running down my arms. I just cut more. I was a demented butcher slicing my arm to bloody ribbons, the tears fell freely mixing with my tears staining them pink.
I felt like screaming. My father ran into my bedroom and grabbed my knife I fought him determined to follow Madelein into the afterlife. He wrested it from my grip and held me like he used as my mom who had brought bandages wrapped my arm up tight. When my father let me go I fell onto my blue carpet and curled into a small ball sobbing my eyes out.
The house phone rang and my father left me there crying my eyes out. I heard hushed voices and footsteps walking through the hallway. My door opened again and my dad told me to stand up. I uncurled myself from the ball I was on and just stared up at him. His green eyes looked at me in pity.
"Madelein committed suicide, they found her five minutes ago. I'm sorry."
Somehow I found the strength to speak.
"She phoned me a half an hour ago Dad. They pushed her to the edge this time. That's why I was going crazy like you saw there. I felt her leave this world."
Rory Todad looked scared and then worry flashed into his eyes. He left my room.
I sat into the Lotus position and started to calm myself through meditation. My mind flashed with images I had only ever seen in dreams. I shook my head and just felt myself give up.
I stood up and was unsteady on my feet. I walked to my bed where my laptop was and started to blast Black Veil Brides and sang along to Lost It All. The lyrics mirrored how I felt at the moment. I looked at my gauze wrapped arms and felt myself tear up again.