Kitty just sat in the car. She wasn't sad, she wasn't happy. She wasn't anything. She had been thinking about him again. She tried not too, but sometimes it was hard. She knew he didn't deserve her. Not like he wanted her. He gave her up. He was a coward and a liar and she was better off without him. At least she would be someday. For now she was still broken.
She had to go. She had been at the roller rink by herself. None of her friends could go with her, but she didn't care. She had needed it. It had been crowded and hard to get up speed, which always frustrated her. She had spent her last two dollars on a glow stick to do a special skate when less people would be on the rink. She needed to get out the aggression or it would kill her. She had gone around the back curve wide and hit her left skate on the ground hard on her way around. Clenching her fists and with a look on her face that must have been terrifying to the kid she always raced. She knew he was looking even though she couldn't see him.
It was time to go. A tear fell from her eye and she sighed and wiped it away with her gloved hand. She turned the key and her favorite CD started playing. She cranked the volume as she pulled out of the parking lot.
It didn't hit until she turned onto Main Street. She wasn't sure how it started, but she lost it. She started crying, sobbing. She couldn't stop crying and her makeup started burning her eyes.
"Fuck!" She screamed. Kitty was yelling at the top of her lungs. Just screaming at nothing. Then she started screaming at him. Even though he would never hear.
"I deserved better! I deserved better than the lies! You were never going to stay, you selfish, son of a bitch!" On the last few words she slammed her hand down hard on the steering wheel. She was crying all the while, repeating various curse words. "Fucking shit! Dammit!" She reached a stop light at the last major street before her house and calmed down enough to stop yelling for a bit.
"I can't go back. I can't go back. Fuck, I can't go back. Please, please God, let it stop. I can't go back. No. No more. I can't. I can't go back." Over and over. That's all she could say. All she could bring herself to speak through her sobbing. Then she started screaming again.
"I can't go back! Please, don't make me go back! I can't do it! I CAN'T DO IT!" Yelling as she made her way down Main Street, going a little faster than she should have been. She slowed down when she got to the top of a hill. Cops liked to wait at the bottom and she couldn't deal with that right now.
She turned onto her street and when she was far enough that she knew no one would see she started to speed up. Twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five. Faster and faster. Forty, forty-five, fifty. Residential streets are fun when there's no one around. She started laughing at the free feeling she got. She slowed down as she approached her driveway. She turned in and pulled into the garage. She sat in the car and let the song finish playing. It was one of her favorites. Then she sighed, took the CD out, put it in the case, grabbed the job applications she had picked up earlier that day, and got out of the car.
The house was dark when she went in. She went up to her room and the first thing she did was gather up her stuff for a shower. Her parents bedroom was across from the bathroom and her mom called to her just before she went in.
"Who all went skating with you?" Kitty replied without looking, arranging her clothes on the radiator and hooking her towel through the bar next to the tub.
"Alec and Natalie."
"Oh that's nice. How was it?"
Kitty went to the door and looked up at her mother and smiled, but not quite with her eyes.
"It was great."
And she closed the door.