April 22, 2013

I never realized how long a minute is. It sounds sappy but it's true. John 3:16—so He lets the best people die so we can believe in them? I mean, believe in Him? He wouldn't be real to me if this hadn't happened. I wouldn't know who he was. Again, I want to leave something. But I've got nothing. I hope they put a little plaque up there at least. Otherwise the next time the rain comes it'll wash all this away.

I tried to concentrate. But there's never ever silence. There's always a car buzzing by or a person who doesn't get it. I saw two helicopters hovering completely still in the sky. I knew they could do that, I guess. But I'd never seen that in real life before. It's weird, 'cause now whenever I see anything unusual I'm a bit scared. Something's not right here, something's off balance.

Outside my window, I can see all those chairs set up on the field in the night. There must be about a hundred. All arranged in a square, all white and alone. I kind of want to go out in the night and sit in one. I kind of want to go out and sit all night in one.

They set up chairs like that for the King's coronation. Not out on that field. What a sad year of rule for him. Maybe the Lady had a premonition. What was it that caused me to quit the Count's refuge? A premonition, a dream? He used to go galloping off, on a black horse to seek white parachutes in the night. He had a forest. He had an army, banded together the fight the Royalists. Later he said he'd rather see a Red country than a bleeding country. Three days later they were all arrested and dead.

They say it takes ten-thousand hours to get good at something. I wonder how many hours it's been. They say there'll be 15,000 police officers there from all over the country. And even the King will speak. I asked him how he could harbor Revolutionaries.

But he'll stay on, I know he's a tough King.

The first night, the night after it happened I saw a guy biking around, flying an American flag on his arms. I think that was one of the flags they have there now. They have a lot of flags and stuffed bears and flowers. As I watched, this lady walked by and dropped another bouquet by them. I kind of envied her. That she could leave something that easily. If I go, I'll go in the dead of night. I'll come by like Jesus, the reverse-cross-thief.