The moon looked sad. That was all Katharine could think about as she stood at the window. She shivered and zipped up the hoodie she was wearing. That was all she was wearing. She looked back to the bed where Devon was still sleeping. He was sprawled out, taking up most of the bed. So much for the woman being a bed hog. She laughed a little at that though. She turned back to the window. She closed her eyes. What was she doing with her life? She and Devon had only been out on a few dates, and she was already sleeping with him? This wasn't like her. At least, it wasn't like the old her. This had become a habit recently. All kinds of guys just in and out of her life in a couple of months. They never stayed long. If they didn't leave her because they thought she was crazy, she left them because she thought they couldn't understand.
They could never understand like he had. He had been Katharine's best friend, her everything. He had known everything about her. Well, almost everything. She had told him a lot, but not in as much detail as she could have. Maybe she should have told him more. Not like it would have done anything. He wouldn't have stayed. He had never planned on staying. She was just one more girl that he would give up on. She was too much work. She had moved away for what was planned to be five years but only ended up being one. College isn't even quite like moving away. He still wasn't willing to wait. It hadn't taken him long to move on. Two months and he had a new girlfriend. He was never going to wait for her. She should have seen it. He was everything, he was perfect for her, but he was a coward and a liar and she would never get him back. It had been a year and a half since he left her, but she still couldn't entirely shake it. She still thought about him. She hadn't talked to him in over a year. She wondered if he thought about her sometimes.
Now she dressed provocatively and flirted with anyone she thought would give her attention. She felt like a whore, and maybe she was one but somehow it didn't seem to matter. She loved the attention. Everyone had always picked on her in school for her glasses and her braces and for being different, but now that she was "hot" it was her turn to look down at them. Who was the loser now? She never got any attention as a kid, so now that she got it from men she latched onto it. Damn. Maybe she should become a therapist. That way she could tell hers to shove his overpriced Messiah complex up his ass.
She heard Devon stir behind her. She didn't turn around. "What are you doing?" He got up and walked over to her. He slid is arms around her waist and held her. She cringed and turned her head away from him. He put his lips close to her ear, but not touching it because she had her hood up. "What are you thinking about?" He was trying to be more playful than serious. Katharine was silent for a while. Then she sighed and answered, "I think you should go." Devon also sighed, not surprising. He must be getting tired of this. "You sure? This is getting a little old." Katharine knew that. She was a little tired of it herself, but she didn't know what to do. "I'm sorry, Dev. I just need to be alone."
"You're always alone."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it? You're distant whenever you're with me, which isn't all that often because you never seem to want me around. Do you want to be with me?"
Katharine sighed and covered her face with her hands. "It's complicated."
"Yeah. I know. I'll go."
Katharine watched him get dressed and gather up his things. She followed him to the door and said goodbye. "I'm sorry." She said, with her eyes on the floor. Devon just sighed, looked at her and replied with a dejected "I know." He was already out the door, and he turned back and added, "Don't be surprised if I don't want to come back next time." Katharine looked up at him, but he was already gone.
She closed and locked the door of her small apartment and went back to her room. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, so she just went back to the window. She was sorry she had kicked Devon out. She shouldn't have done it. It wasn't the first time. She had to stop this. Maybe she would call him tomorrow and apologize. She sighed and ran a hand through her long brown hair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, she was almost surprised to find that she was crying. She could just make out her reflection in the window. She wasn't sobbing or anything, the tears were just passively rolling down her cheeks. There weren't a lot, but there was only one thing she could think about;
She looked sad.