Chapter 1


Not much has happened since the new year, except just about everything. Beckah and Jake are together, Ginne came back from Germany and Sam is actually talking to me. I'm taking Sam out to dinner tonight and then to a movie, which she picked. She chose a chick flick but at least it's not about vampires because the last time I saw one of those, I almost fell asleep it was that dull. I turned down the rugby team because mama was not happy about my bad grades from last year. My last year of college is my only chance to pick up my grades and if I don't do that, I lose my allowance for each week. Mama never really gave me much because her job doesn't pay her much.

The whole deal with my father has almost vanished as he gets on a plane today and leaves our lives once again. You see, he ended up stalking my mama and I so badly that security was called when he entered mama's work building. This led to his arrest and court trial where mama got a restraining order. She talked to him before the trial but that was just made her confirm the date for it. What my father had returned for was to receive custody rights over me but because I'm almost 18, that fell through in a heartbeat.

The night after the court hearing, mama came into my room and began to explain some things about my father that I never knew.

"Mama, it's okay. You already explained to me who he was, I don't need to know more than he left after he found out about me." I give her a hug but I can feel her shaking her head like that wasn't it or that was all wrong.

"Remi," she begins as I get comfortable. "Your father stayed with me until you were about one year old but then he met another woman and decided he loved her more than his wife and child. I did not know of this till he said he was going drinking one night and I didn't hear from him till I received a letter a week later saying he was sorry but he had run off with another woman. After I received this letter I cried for hours because I believed that without him I wouldn't make it through the year especially with a young child. As I showered the next day, I saw the bruises and cuts I had received from your father as a result of him being stressed and drinking. He became abusive and I had no strength to fend him off. One night," she pauses to wipe away some of her tears and give me some time to take it what she had said. "One night your father got drunk after a long day at work and returned home when I was in bed, asleep. When I woke, I was screaming because he had come in and... and," she couldn't say it but I knew what had happened. My father had raped her. She collected herself and then began to say, "that's how you came around, from that night. Now back to my shower, I thought from that shower that him leaving is really good riddance as I knew now he wouldn't be an abusive father to you." I stopped her from talking by giving her a big, big hug and said that it was enough. She nodded and began to leave my room slowly as I returned to my laptop.

I never really wanted to know that about my Dad, but I'm glad I do now. That night, I don't know what to think about my Dad or who he is or was because I thought he was just an arse for leaving us but now he has become someone I can never, ever forgive, no matter how hard I try.

School starts in a few days and I'm not really looking forward to it because they all say that year twelve is the hardest year in college and it counts the most. Jake gave me advice on the day of his graduation that helped him.

"Mate, don't forget to study in the holidays. I know it sounds whack but it gives you an advantage on all the other losers around here. Start about a week before you go back and study all your test and do your essays again. It helped me a lot and it will benefit you."

Due to my horrible grades from last year, I decided to start two weeks before school goes back and shove my head in my books. I didn't have any of my textbooks but I looked stuff up online to do. Math was the hardest, as always but I needed to work on it the most and when I finished, I felt really good. I did what he said to do and re-did all the test and essays I'd done last year. That wasn't much help but I guess it will eventually have done something down the track. I really pulled myself together and so when school started on Tuesday, I was ready for whatever it threw at me. I still feel scared, even today because I'm not ready to finish school, not yet.

We went back on Tuesday because Monday was an introductory day for all the new students and the year elevens. I didn't go to either of mine because I was sick or just not bothered to get up and out of bed. My first one was when I was sick. I missed the whole first week of school, and I tell you, don't do it ever. It was quite hard to catch up, learn the school and make new friends in a few days.

Anyways, year twelve will be fine...

I hope

A/N: And that's all you guys get for now! There will be more coming but I'm not sure. Wanted to give you guys a sneak peak. :) Joh

Edit: Here's the rest :D