A Simple Description

The only way to accurately describe what I'm going through is to compare it to an event that could never happen elsewhere than the imagination. It's like standing near a black hole. You experience the pull, the longing, constantly and ceaselessly. So when the time comes that you get to stand next to it, you are happy, filled with joy and ecstasy. Of course there is a stronger desire the closer you are but if you give into it then everything will collapse about you, it could never stay together properly, a fate worse than being ripped to shreds for at least that gives the relief of speed.

So I stay content in the nearness of this force so greatly affecting my life. I revel in my momentary happiness. I never reach for more, I am not greedy nor impatient. I love this moment for everything it is.

Then it happens.

I have to pull away and in doing so something is torn, ripped away from me. It's left there, at the horizon, never to be returned for if one ventures so close they shall never be set free. I must nurse the wound and even if I know it will happen again, even if I'm not healed yet, and even as the blood pours and my tears burn, I will go back. Every time I hold to hope and wrap myself in disillusions. I revel in every word, crawl into every action and wallow in the emotion. Then, once again, as always, I must rip myself away. How one can go from bliss to misery so quickly is beyond me and yet, entirely in my capabilities. I imagine it's in the same realm of impossibility as everything else inside my mind.

And lay me down, And scream your name

A silent whisper amounts

I close my eyes to see yours

Imagine your arms around me

Imagine true happiness

Cultivate my suffering

Label it as hope

Close my eyes

Breathe