WRITING DO'S AND DON'TS

This is written strictly for entertainment purposes. I don't pretend to be an expert on novel writing, as I don't believe there's any such thing. These are just my opinions and even I don't listen to myself all the time.

And I wrote it when I was 15 so give me a break. lol

I don't think whoever is reading this is going to find a great many do's. Also, I have a very bad habit of ranting.

I am guilty of a great many things mentioned in this article; I am just writing the others out to remind myself what not to put in any of my books (And because it's fun).

If any of the material mentioned below is familiar, we might have read the same books. I am not, however, targeting any particular book in general—it just so happens that many or all of these things may appear in one book. Draw your own conclusions.

DON'T EVERS:

DON'T MAKE any main characters wonder if a person is or was ashamed of them, and that's why the person did or didn't say or do something. When you do that, it makes the reader think you want them to feel sorry for the character without really warranting a reason for feeling sorry for them. The only time it is acceptable is when the character is a rat by nature and you're supposed to not like him. Or her.

DON'T MAKE any characters praise another character overmuch, unless its part of the plot, because the character might not deserve it. The characters are supposed to make themselves amazing, and they aren't amazing if you are giving them a helping hand every ten seconds, and forcing it on the reader that they are amazing. If the character has a bad personality, that's their fault. I really want to stress the fact that they have to earn it.

DON'T USE words that no one knows the meaning for. i.e. ambivalence, ambulatory, decisive, derisive, diffident, reticent, repast, riposte, sorrel, etc.; Basically, words that come from Wordly Wise. Just stick to words that your average family member, would know and you yourself know really well. I trust you will be able to make acceptable exceptions when they are needed.

THIS IS AN EXTENSION OF THE ABOVE:

DON'T USE words just because they sound elegant or cool. Why? Because whoever is reading it isn't going to understand what you are saying because they are too busy sticking their nose in a dictionary trying to find the word's meaning. Bottom line: They won't appreciate how much work you went to applying the words to the writing. Not that it was hard, if you just clicked SYNONYMS in the right click menu on WORD. DON'T EVER DO THAT! UH-UH. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK!

DON'T USE dimensions and/or units that the reader will not recognize unless he or she is a mountain climber in Australia. i.e. "…the cliffs were ten miles high by three miles wide by twenty miles long by…" I mean, come on, how many people on earth are going to be able to picture that? I've got to hand it to whoever has that kind of imagination, unless of course you cheated and are indeed a mountain climber in Australia. I guess some people don't realize that a mile is, by the way, FIVE THOUSAND, TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FEET LONG.

DON'T USE a phrase more than once in a chapter or, if possible, a third of the book, especially if it's one of those weird ones that really gets stuck in your head (this is by far the hardest thing for me to avoid). None come to mind right now, but if any do, I'll let you know. Anyway, it's a bit distracting because the reader might go back to the place it was at before to check if it was the same one, and then they will start thinking of how lame an author you are because you couldn't come up with something more original. There is also a slight chance that the reader will start thinking of that part in the book where you used the phrase previously, and then they might start disliking the character who said it, because the author just decided to dump that particular character with all the dumb lines and the reader might end up not liking that character. Actually, there is one exception you can make, and that is if you have a trademark phrase that the character is famous for and always uses; that is totally fine, AS LONG as it is not tacky, unless you are writing a comedy. If you have no idea what I just said, don't feel bad; I don't think I do either.

DON'T MAKE your book more than four hundred and fifty pages long unless there is a chain of interesting events throughout the WHOLE ENTIRE book. If you make a seven hundred page book with only, like, five turn–of–event events, it's not worth it because the reader has to read the whole book to know what is going on so they can understand the turn–of–event events.

DON'T MAKE every chapter end the same way. For example, it's really lame to make, at the end of practically every chapter, a character, especially the main character, faint, or get knocked out, or lose consciousness. It's alright to make the end of a chapter suspenseful or exciting, and it's even, well, I guess tolerable to have different characters get bonked on the head once and a while, but if you make the main character get knocked out at the end of every chapter, you just begin to think that character is an idiot because he can't stay either awake or out of trouble, or at least have the sense to not get hit on the head every twelve pages—I've noticed this happens almost all the time to stupid boy characters. I wonder why. Seriously! Hee, hee, you can tell this annoys me. Anyway the only time you should make that happen is if it's a comedy, and you are purposely trying to make that character irresponsible and dumb, because then the reader won't care, because the character is supposed to be irresponsible and dumb.

DON'T, IF you are trying to make names up, take them from real places or people, unless of course you are not aware of them. But still that is no excuse because you should have looked them up.

ALSO:

WHEN making up names for places or people, make sure you get opinions from several people about how they think the word is pronounced. If they pronounce it the way you want: whatever. If they don't, you have two choices:

EITHER rewrite the name so people can't fail to know how you want it pronounced, or…

SUCCUMB to their opinion and change the sound of it to the way they think it's pronounced, just in case you really like the way it's spelled, or…

THIS isn't a choice, but if there was one that I missed, then it would be put right here.

A big problem I have noticed that often happens is when the reader reads a name before they know how it is supposed to be pronounced, and even after they go to the pronunciation guide and figure it out, they will not stop pronouncing it the way they thought it should have been pronounced, especially if it's long, just out of habit.

WHEN you are making someone talk and they are trying to make an important point,get to the point, don't make them repeat what they are saying over and over in every paragraph; you don't want them to sound like the oratory student who missed the 'keep it concise and interesting' class, and you don't want the character they are speaking with to come across as dumb because he can't figure out what the speaker is telling him, and that's why the speaker has to keep repeating himself. It's like, we know, you don't have to keep saying it.

I was going to put in a little tidbit of coaching for romantic sequences. Unfortunately, that is a delicate subject, because depending on how the lovers are supposed to act, and what the result is supposed to be, that delegates how sappy the romantic sequence will in fact be. Of course, feel free to make it as sappy as you want, as long as it is not supposed to be taken seriously. I beg you, though, if you are trying to make it truly romantic and sweet, don't make the girl completely oblivious to the guy's love for her, and please don't make the guy say something really dumb and out of place to her, because then the reader loses all respect for him (if they even had any at all), and all hope that he will turn out at least, well, semi–normal. Of course some people just have a talent for making the lovers dumb and it can still turn out okay. But there're only a few writers like that, and actually I don't think I've ever read any books where that happens. Oh, one more thing. It's okay to make the guy say something dumb, AS LONG as the girl loves him back, because then she won't mind, and tell him he's dumb and should get a life, and most likely the reader will not mind either.

I once read a short story where two authors made a reference to a Mary Sue. Now, their definition of a Mary Sue is when the main girl, if there is such a character, is like, amazing at everything. For example, she is: smarter than the guy, most likely is beautiful and tall, is always thinking she's smarter and cooler and awesomer than the guy, and thinks she can do anything in the world. Oh, and is definitely annoying. Now, I have since learned that is not the exact term to describe it, but the point is, when that happens, in my opinion, the book makes the guy seem like a total idiot in the girl's eyes, and probably a total loser in the reader's eyes, because he can't stand up to some girl who thinks she's all that. Whenever I encounter a character like either one mentioned above, I feel like smacking 'em. Now, I am aware that this is a more prominent occurrence in movies and TV shows than in books, but still.

CERTAIN authors have an amazing talent for writing basically nothing for a one hundred page stretch, and dialogue that has absolutely nothing to with the story (I admit to doing the latter too, but, in my defense, it sometimes can be sooo fun, but I won't actually stick it in the book), and then writing about creepy things that just make you wonder if this author has nothing better to with his/her time than come up with weird ideas.

I totally despise it when a book has any of the following phrases or sentences. I will underline the offensive word or two.

She bobbed her head. (she is not a horse)

He put his hands on his hips (I won't even comment on that one)

feel free to add more

3. COMPLAINTS AND TIPS:

One thing that really annoys me is when an author goes through all this trouble to write a book, and then a director makes a movie out of it, and screws it up. There are so many examples of this; I don't know where to start. Anyway one thing that they almost always ruin is the romance, either because they make it waaay to mushy, or they make up a romance with some random characters, even if there isn't supposed to be one, or this: say the main character is supposed to fall in love with someone, and then the director makes them fall in love with the wrong person. Seriously, even if the person they are supposed to fall in love with is dumb, who cares? Don't make a movie out of it if it's lame. Sadly, one of the ways to prevent anything like that from happening is to make all the characters guys, and where the only person they could fall in love with is the waitress, who is in it for about three seconds. (Sigh) oh, well.

Here are some hilarious words that I find amusing: propinquity, amalgamation, spiflicate, perspicacity, de-ice, uh...

Here are some words that I do not like: dubious, uh...

And here are some that exist, and I do not understand why: prevaricate,