I often dreamed of You. You, beckoning me with open arms, were inviting me into an embrace. You always had a smile on Your face; and not just any smile, that smile. The smile that bespoke of so many different emotions: peace, satisfaction, amusement, a tinge of sadness, but most of all love and longing. The smile that brought forth a stream of memories…
Oftentimes, I let You go. Despite knowing that You were the only One who would continue loving me when I had failed, despite understanding that from You came never-ending joy, I would turn my eyes from Your face to seek after another. I would abandon Your comforting and accepting arms, allowing Your scarred hands to hang open, empty, as I looked for warmth in something, someone, else. Yet the warmth I found, compared to Yours, was always incomplete and fleeting.
You would always call to me during those times. Your voice, Your beautiful voice, should have been heard clearly by my ears. Yet, I would be so engrossed by the one I had turned to, I would see only his face, hear only his voice, and feel only his touch.
Yet, only time and circumstance would reveal his inability to aid, his failure to comfort, and, ultimately, his incompetence as someone to whom I gave all my adoration and love. And so I would want to let go, but fear to let go because of the loneliness I would have to face. With strength (unbeknownst to me) supplied by You, I would finally release my hold of him and turn to face the darkness, accompanied only by tears of frustration and melancholy that would spill forth from my eyes.
And during those times, when the tears would stain my cheeks and my sight cloud over with sadness, You would call to me again. And finally, I would hear You, again. And turn to see You standing there as You had been from the start with Your arms wide open. The tears would fall harder as the realization of both my treachery and fickleness ate away at my heart. Yet, instead of a gaze of disappointment or anger, Your beautiful smile and soothing voice would meet my wretched state. When I was too ashamed to move forward into Your embrace, You came to me; wrapping my broken heart in arms of healing love and mercy.
"What can I do to repay all the wrong I have committed against You again and again?" Were the only words I could whisper into Your chest.
And with that, I could feel Your cheeks widen against the top of my head, as You smiled, "Just walk beside me, follow me, listen to me, and love me always. With your hand in mine."