Poems are a wonderful to numb the pain, and deal with real life. Athelind, If you read this, I really think you should talk to Ellen. She needs someone right now who understands.

This is a real life poem. Tonight, I talked a friend out of suicide.

The One Time I Believed

The one time I believed

Her hands were shaking

so hard that the tears seemed to morph

into those horrid little capsules

"It's mix" She said dully afterwards

"But mostly Advil to numb the pain."

She didn't want to feel

It was too hard to let herself bleed any longer

A stab to the back and a stab to the front

With a scarce whisper to loose balance

over the edge

The one time I believed

Was a wednesday

Cold and chilly

And supposed to be the first day of spring

but like she was, it was entangled

In harsh ice, frozen, and lies

The sun, my sun- the one who always

kept me going

Before He and before Him

who kept me laughing

couldn't even choke down tears

The one time I believed

there was an pull on my fingers

to dial her number

because it felt like much to long since we talked

and she hadn't said much the last time

other than the dark demons that clawed through her

And it could have been any time

It could have been too late or too early

But it wasn't

She picked up the phone with surprise

"You called."

"You seem sad."

She cried, "You'll hate me, you'll hate me!

I can't even say it. I. Just. Can't!"

And there was ice in my stomach

like the ice outside, chilling me

and I shook like wind had burst the window open

It was all and everything not to cry too

And I made her say it

"There's pills in my hand."

I paused. "It's so freaky you just called,"

She repeated again, so I asked

how long? How long have you had these

these vile little horrid things

that dare take my best friend away from me

"Less than five minuets. I was going to do it.

And then the phone rang."

How did it get to this?
How did our happy friendship go to me

begging you to not do it

I don't care what they all thing
I care about you

You who I have loved, my sister in truer words than anything else

For all my years I've known you

How did we grow from picking out lizards in the pet store

Or walking to Zesty's

Or watching Twilight in our impressionable years

To me in dark clothes

In a dark room

You in the darkest place

And neither budge

No, dear, you're not a coward.
You're not pathetic

You just don't know where to turn

If you were here, you know what I'd do?
I'd take the car and pull you from your house

wash those pills down the drain (And not give a damn

about how expensive they were)

and take you back to Res, where we first met

The one time I believed in god

I saved my best friend

Because I knew, knew, knew

I had to call her

Not later like I sometimes do

Not in an hour after I talk to He

But now

Ellen, I've seen too much death in a year's time

The two girls that flipped their car over

and drown when it rained the hardest

A father who got better, and then didn't

and his daughter still turns around

waiting for him to come home

before remembering he won't

A mother who was smashed like a bug

when a semi lost control, she lost view of the road

and her son lost himself in girls and drugs

My grandmother

without a goodbye (and You were the first I called)

I when i realized I can't believe in an afterlife

I sobbed because, no

I'll never see her again

and harder when tonight I realized I lost her anklet

And finally a nineteen year old

Scars still fresh in our minds

Buried in a coffin yesterday

Imagine it was you? Remember how many people cried

You'd have more.

It's selfish. It's wrong. It's not fair.

I don't care what I say. As long as you remember it

I can't loose you. It'd be worse blow than loosing He

because I know you so much better

And you know me so well.

I would never let that scar heal

That I couldn't save you.

If there's one thing I can be proud of in my life;

it's that I've saved some people.

I lost Him. The one with golden hair and aquamarine eyes

I didn't save him, and that is still healing

I saved two others since. And now, I'm going to save you.

The one time I believed in God was tonight

Things happen for a reason

And perhaps, that the whole reason that I met you

8 years ago

Was so that I could save your life tonight