I got this idea from Thirteen Reasons Why. I decided to write a story about how life would be without me, told from my point of veiw, as recorded down like journal entries. Some of the things in this story is not for children.
Rated T for a reason, people ;D. Written by an insane person.
Hope you enjoy~
Thursday March 21, 2013
They're silent again. It's like this every day.
Ms. Hanno will ask a question and everyone will look up at the desk in the centre of the room, expecting to see my hand waving in the air with a deep psychological answer.
But it's empty. The desk is empty.
And so everyone will go quiet. A moment of silence for me. I find it slightly degrading, seeing as i never liked silence. And i don't want it. I didn't ask for it. They didn't ask me if i wanted it.
Oh, so silly of me, they can't ask me question! I'm such as silly person to forget that.
Woops. No one ever really asked me anyway. They probably wouldn't have, if i was sitting there, watching them.
Jesus, i keep forgetting, i am sitting here! I am in this classroom! I'm in the English room, third period, reviewing compound and simple sentences!
But i'm not there. And that is the thing i forget the most. That hurts the most. It stings, deep own, like being stabbed. Over and over. And the pain won't go away-
Oh, look, there the dears go, continuing on with their conversation! Ms. Hanno has tears in her eyes, though. She's wiping them on her sleeves. Ms. Hanno, don't cry, please don't. It wasn't your fault. It isn't your fault. You did your best, and that was all i asked of you. Hell, i asked a lot less of you and you still helped me!
So please stop crying, please you'll be fine- oh no, Sarah's crying now too. Oh gosh, what are they talking about? Are they talking about me? My my, they just can't let me go, can they? Tsk, tsk, tsk, if they cared that much they'd have come to my funeral. They'd have done something more.
They deserve to cry. They deserve to grieve.
"If she were here she'd be able to answer it," Oh, so now i'm SHE Sarah? What happened to best friends? What happened to our relationship?
"She'd have a whole speech and assembly behind it," Oh, you too, Ms. Hanno? I actually pitied you! I felt bad about what i had done, how it had affected you! And now you don't even have the decency to call me by my name.
"Gwyneth would be laughing at us because we didn't understand her answer," Daniel, Daniel, Daniel... You really are smart. You just don't let people see it. And thank you for saying my name. It makes me feel remembered, loved. How bad i felt for not liking you back. Do you remember that one conversation we had, a long time ago, when i finally confessed i didn't really like you? That i had been pretending?
I'm so sorry about that.
No one responded to Daniel after that. I felt insulted again. So that was it? I was remembered because i knew the answers and laughed at people that didn't understand my responses? How shitty of them. Those bastards didn't deserve to know me.
Crap, no, i didn't mean that! I'm sorry, i'm so sorry. I swear i didn't mean that! Please forgive me... Please.
Oh no. My tears are blinding me. Doesn't it suck, not being able to see unless helped? Not being able to see the white board, the posters on the wall, the papers and grades you get back from all you're teachers,
all the texts you get from your friends, the menu's at Starbuck's.
Oh, that reminds me of my next stop. Starbuck's, 1242 Arsenal Street.
Ms. Hanno has composed herself. She's moved on. She's passing back some vocabulary tests. I remember that one! I got a 1oo on it, hey, Ms. Hanno, where's mine?
Oh, there it is, no, don't set it down on my desk! Give it to me, me, me! Why won't you... God, you're crying again. Great, look, now Julia's crying too. Look what you did. Julia was always so nice to me... She played on JV with me. We played basketball and a little bit of lacrosse together, too. She never shunned me. Even when Isabel and Sarah did, she was always nice to me.
Wait, didn't she come to my funeral? Oh, she did! Thank you Julia. I really appreciate it, but you could have done more.
So you, along with everyone in this English room, deserve to feel pain. You all deserve to feel guilt and sadness and grief.
Now you realize how much you're missing me. Now you realize how much you needed me. Now you realize you all can't function right without me.
And that was all that i ever wanted.
Yeah... slightly insane.
The Italic's are the people speaking in the classroom. Next stop, Starbuck's.
Oh yeah. All these places and address's are real.
I'll update every Thursday night~