The Red Dove- That's okay, I believe you, haha. Yes, those Bleach fillers are rather lighthearted, aren't they?
Infinite- Thank you, I tried really hard. Luckily, I'm having more fun writing from her POV then I thought I would.
And here is where her life just goes downhill.
I didn't go to school for three weeks straight. Every morning, Julie would come in, shake me gently, and ask, "Do you feel like going today?"
And everyday, I shook my head, rolled over, and went back to bed, sleeping in until dinner. After I ate, I would go to the bathroom, just to make sure I didn't wet my bed. I didn't brush my teeth, or my hair, or take any showers. Then I would go back to bed.
I don't remember much of anything from that time in my life. My dreams were dark and depressing, but I don't remember them either. Sometimes I would realize I'd been crying, because my eyes were wet, and so were my pillows, but I had no memory of it.
I think my phone rang, I have vague memories of it's vibration waking me up. But I never answered.
On the fourth week, Julie didn't go away when I shook my head.
"Please, Lezy." she whispered, grabbing my hand. "Please, you have to get up." She sounded like she was going to cry. I turned and looked at her, she who looked just like me. Or used to, anyway. She was clean still, hair washed and brushed. Mine was greasy and knotted.
"You'll fall behind." she tried. But that didn't matter to me. Not when Jake was dead.
When she saw I wasn't moving, she put her hands on her hips and tried a threat. "If you don't get out of bed, I'll call Max."
I sighed. Max took his job as a cop very seriously. If he knew I'd been skipping school like this, he would come down here, and drag me to school.
"Fine." I whispered, and Julie's eyes softened. She pulled me out of bed lightly.
"I'll help you." she said.
She pretty much did everything. She helped me undress for the shower, even got in with me, washing my hair and body. I should have been embarrassed. This was the first time the two of us had been naked together since we were about ten. But I just couldn't find it in me.
She helped me get dressed, and she brushed my hair. She got together all my school supplies, and she dragged me with her all the way to school. This was the first time in my life I had walked to school. Our parents had driven us when we were kids, and once Jake got a car, it was his job to get us there and back.
In first period, everyone got quiet when I walked in, obviously not expecting me to be here. I could hear them whispering when I put my head down in my arms. I didn't care.
"Lezlie." a soft voice whispered. I looked up.
It was Seth.
His eyes were heavy with worry, and they were so beautiful, even still I noticed, but I couldn't look at him. He was the one I had been with...I'd left Jake alone, twice, to be with him.
"Are you okay?" he asked. I didn't answer him. I wanted to. I wanted to talk to him, and feel the excitement I'd felt just a month ago. But I didn't feel it anymore. All I saw when I looked at him, was Jake.
"Do you...want to come to my house?" he asked. "To...get your mind off it?"
I knew he was just being nice, he wasn't trying to get me alone, so we could make out, or anything. His hair was falling around his face, and I wanted to reach up and feel it, see if it was as soft as it looked. He didn't do anything when I did. Didn't argue, or look at me strangely. He let me, and when my fingers gently brushed his face, he touched my hand softly.
I pulled away.
I lay my head back in my arms, and he didn't say anything after that, even though I could feel him there, beside me, staring, waiting for me to talk to him.
At lunch, I stayed away from the staircase. That was were me and Jake had gone for lunch everyday since freshman year. Memories of the two of us watching people outside, laughing when they fell, him brushing my hair, me cutting his. Sharing homework, and practicing for speeches we had to give. Hugs, kisses, tickle fights.
A lot had happened on those stairs.
I didn't know where to go.
Eventually I drifted to behind the theater, where not many people went, because that's where the punks and potheads were rumored to be. I hoped it was just a myth, going back there, but to my dismay, they were there, and the air around them was thick with the smell of pot.
I sighed, turning to go, but one boy saw me.
"Hey." he called dazily, and when I turned to look back, he was holding the joint out to me, offering me some. I shook my head.
"No thank you." I said, and he put it back up to his mouth and took another drag. There were at least six of them back there, three girls, three boys. The boy who'd just offered me a puff had pale skin, like he was a vampire, and his hair was a light brown, knotted, and long enough that he had it pulled into a small ponytail.
One of the girls looked at me, but the other four were clearly out of it. They wouldn't be back for next period, that was for sure. They probably hadn't gone at all. Not that I wanted to go back either.
"You sure?" the girl asked, tilting her head back, and her hair falling in curls around her shoulder. "You're that girl, right? You'll probably need it."
This would be the perfect place to ditch school. Nobody would come looking for me back here. I needed to get away from it all.
"I'll sit down." I said. "But I don't want any."
The guy motioned for me to take a seat, and I went over, throwing my backpack onto the ground, and not caring where it landed. The other four where looking at me now, but none of them said anything.
I leaned back and shut my eyes, imagining what Jake would say if he was here with me, and found me like this. He'd either be really mad, or he'd join me.
The bell rang for lunch to end, and for everyone to go back to fifth period. Then the bell for sixth period. I was silent the whole time, just listening to them quietly talk about stuff, laughing every now and again. At one point, I didn't even know what funny, but I laughed along. I probably had a contact high.
Suddenly, one thing filtered through my thoughts. One of the boys was talking, and I focused on his voice just in time to hear, "...hand me my chips, Jake."
I was ripped from my thoughts and daydreams, and looked at the boy who had first offered me a joint, who was handing the other boy a bag of chips.
"Jake?" I said, my voice cracking. "Your name is Jake?"
He stared at me like I'd lost a few screws, and then nodded. "Yeah."
I stared at him. There was nothing alike between him and my Jake. This Jake was taller, and his hair wasn't the right color, or length, and he was a pothead, and not the sweet, innocent, boy my Jake had been.
But their eyes, they were the same color.
And they had the same name.
And that was enough for me.
"Pass me a joint." I said, holding out my hand. This Jake didn't argue, just passed me the one he'd been smoking. I took a deep hit, and managed not to burst out coughing. This was my first time trying something like this.
Within a minute, the world was spinning, and it was too bright outside, too colorful. I closed my eyes, and leaned on the girl, whose name I didn't know yet.
"What's your...um..." I tried to get the question out, but the words wouldn't form. The girl had her head on my shoulder, having just taken something else, and was clearly out.
"Her...name." I finished, addressing Jake.
"Mi-chan." he said, and I crinkled my nose. That sounded like a weird name. A Japanese name. I looked at her again, and for the first time, realized she was Japanese.
"Lezlie." I said, and then giggling as I remembered the time me and Jake had stayed up all night during the time we were still, "dating," watching scary movies. We'd ended up so frightened that we made little Jacob come into the room with us, like he might offer some sort of protection.
"My name is Lezlie." I said, and Jake nodded, and scooted over, patting the space next to him, offering me the spot. I took it, leaning onto him now, unable to stay upright on my own.
"I'm sorry about your friend." he said, and it made me want to cry. I held back on the tears.
"It's my fault he died." and for some reason, I found myself laughing.
He looked at me, his eyes glazed and unfocused, but waiting for me to continue.
"I left him alone with the person who raped him." I told him. "Twice. And then he killed himself."
Jake's eyes widened. "Woah. That sucks." he said. I looked around us. Mi-chan was out of it, and so were one other boy and girl. The other boy and girl were all over each other, making out. It made me think of Seth. We'd made out.
And Jake had died.
It wasn't going to work out with Seth.
Suddenly, I was crying again. I don't know if Jake kissed me to make me feel better, or if it was just random, but I didn't stop him. I kissed him back through the foggy haze of my mind, wanting to pull him closer. He could be my new Jake. I needed Jake.
I don't even know when I passed out, I just know that when I woke up again, I was in someone's bed. Next to me was Mi-chan, who was stretching as she woke. When she saw me, she didn't freak out or anything. She just nodded at me, and asked, "Are you hungry?"
I was hungry, now that I thought about it.
"Yeah." I answered, and I followed her down into the living room, where Jake was sitting on the ground, surrounded by five other guys, and two girls. I didn't now if they were the same people from earlier. I didn't really care.
They were watching a movie, and I sat down next to Jake. I didn't watch the movie, just stared at the screen. Nobody talked to me, or at all. We were all quiet with our thoughts.
I didn't go home that night.
I didn't want to go home.
It's short, I know, but I just wanted to begin her descent into chaos. Please read again next time!