It's cold, dark. My eyes remained shut for fear of the sudden surge of light. It will fill my eyeballs and they will surely burn. I remain faced down, my breaths uneven as my nose pressed down into the mattress. My foot brushed up against the soft, cotton blanket at the edge of my bed. I slipped a foot underneath its folds. It was sticky and rough. I sighed as conflicting thoughts and emotions ran through my mind.
"I don't want to get up," I was tired.
"I have to clean up," I was determined.
"But I don't wanna," I was lazy.
"Life should be peaceful now," I was relaxed.
"I should run away," I was fearful.
"No, everything will be fine," I was hopeful.
"This will never work."
"I can't do this anymore."
"I can't get through this."
"I am alone in this world."
The thoughts continued to echo through my head.
"But maybe things could change."
"I'm a dirty human, I'll rot in hell."
"Hell," I suddenly raise my head in realization. "Satan is waiting for me. He's been waiting for me. He dirtied me so he can take me. This is what he's been waiting for. I'm dirty, useless. I'm ugly, I'm dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty!" A tear dried before it had a chance to drop. I can't cry anymore.
"Tears are useless. Satan have dried up my tears. When it always hurts, tears become useless. Satan knows that. Satan is my savior." I felt a feeling of worship. "He's come for me. To save me. He knows I will burn in hell for eternity. He won't allow me to cry anymore. He won't let me shed a tear. He knows my eternity will be filled with pain. He knows. He's saving me." The thoughts went silent.
It's my time. I've gone this far, I should finish it. Erase the memories of me from this world.
I pushed myself up to my knees. The mattress was soft. I looked behind me and saw the stained blanket. The blood was nearly dry. The brownish, off-maroon color contrasting with the soft greens, blues, and purples. I never noticed the colors. How interesting. It's pretty. The blood seeped through the seams, clumping the threads together. "Good luck washing that off," the random thought made me giggle.
Something on the wall caught my eye. More blood. Splatters of blood. Following it, I found a copious amount of blood. I guess it wasn't a dream.
I was happy. And relieved.
Murderous thoughts and dreams are bad. That would mean there's something wrong with me.
I was happy. I'm glad that wasn't the case.
I want to see it again. Make sure it's truly real. I want to get closer.
I placed my right foot down. Ow my legs were cramped.
I sat on the edge of my bed, swinging my feet back and forth. "It's like a see-saw," these random thoughts make me smile. I stretched them out and touched my little piggies. I lied down to stretch and finally stood up. I clapped twice in glee. For some reason I felt excited.
The carpet was cold and prickly under my feet. I've always hated that dark, dirty, gold color.
I walked over to the pool of blood. I squatted next to 'it.' "Crisscross, applesauce. Crisscross, applesauce," I repeated.
I felt the blood seep into my shorts and underwear, into my skin.
Leaning towards 'it,' I heard a loud burst of laughter. I quickly held both my hands to my mouth. My eyes wide as I scanned the room. The sound of laughter seemed deafening in the silent room. I giggled again. "Oopsies," I thought, "neighbors don't like loud noises at night."
Another burst of laughter. My hands clapped over my mouth again, my shoulders uncontrollably going up and down. "It's not morning," I frantically waved my hand in front of me, as if dismissing something a friend said. "That was silly, my eyes won't burn. Silly, silly, silly."
I looked at 'it; again. 'It' is really ugly, isn't it? Ugly but beautiful.
I reached out to touch the face. You can tell it's the face because you see the little chunk of brain still in it. I wasn't really sure I was actually looking at the face though. But it's the head, I promise. I pulled up 'its' shirt and checked. I wiped away the blood. Yup! That's the chest, score one for me!
I thought this was suppose to smell. They said dead things smell, but this didn't.
"Oh," I realized, "I've been here for a long time." That made sense. I probably got used to it. So logically, the smell won't bother me!
Grabbing the chin, I tilt the head. More brains fell out. I smiled, "It's like ground meat, ground meat, ground meat," the sing-song voice in my head said.
I wondered if I can make a whole brain. I looked at the walls and floor; blood, hair, and brains everywhere! I sighed. "It's too hard, nevermind," I pouted.
I spotted the wooden bat and quickly crawled over to it. "Not good, not good." The bat was broken.
But it's kinda cool, you can see where the blood traveled. it's like tiny rivers. I wonder if this is how the Red Sea looks like. Nevermind, I'm being stupid. I wonder where the other half is though. Oh well, it's not important.
I dropped the broken bat, got up, and stretched. My muscles feels tight for some reason.
"I'm finished!" I announced in relief. But I spotted something back on the bed. Suddenly, I'm very sad.
My best friend lied on the bed. He was tied up in strap of black leather, a flat piece of metal shutting his mouth. I sat next to him and gently placed a hand on him. He felt very cold. That was weird, unfamiliar. He's usually so warm.
He was the only one I could trust. He comforted me when I needed it. He let me tell him all my troubles. He always listened. He never judged.
I wrapped my arms around him. He's the last one on earth to know my darkest secret. I felt sad now.
I whispered in his ear, letting him know that I loved him. I have to make sure he couldn't tell. I was indeed, very sad.
I kissed him on the forehead and let him go.
That's the last time I will hold him.
I walked down to the basement. I always said gasoline in the house was dangerous. There's so many things in there, you never know what could happen.
I gripped the handle and tried to lift it. It was heavier than I thought. I sighed. This means I'm going to have to use both hands. I lifted it and half-dragged it all the way up. Up, up, up, to the room.
I set it down next to the door and grabbed the matches in the drawer.
There were pictures just sitting there. They were ugly pictures. I grunted as I lifted the container, splashing the gasoline over the pictures. I can't lift the container that high for very long. My arms will get tired.
I dragged the container over to 'it.' Still very ugly. But very calming, which was weird, don't you think? I dumped half the container over it.
Next to the bed, I leaned forward and stared at my best friend. I did feel sorry for him having to do this. It's my fault, I told him too much. I emptied the container on the bed.
It was time to finish this. I started with the drawer. Whoosh wow, this was faster than expected.
Next, I went to 'it' and whoosh. Satan has been promised to me. Maybe this will go to heaven.
Finally, my best friend. I stood there, looking at him for the last time. Too bad, I was sad. I felt the flames beginning to consume the room. I need to be quick, I have to light this.
I lit the match and dropped it. Whoosh. The leather bindings began to melt. The metal plate that guarded my secrets warped a bit as it heated up. His pure white sheets burned, turning black, turning into ashes, taking my secrets with it. Strange, I could have sworn they were colored just a few minutes ago.
I laid next to my best friend. The bed completely engulfed by flames. I closed my eyes. It's cold, dark.
Hey all, finals are finally over so I plan on getting into writing again! I hope you guys enjoyed this. Shoot it's almost 4 and I have to be up by 8. 4 hours of sleep will hopefully hold me. I'm sorry, I'm really tired so I'm gonna leave you in a slightly confused note... at least I'm confused.
I'm sorry, I'm gonna sleep but as I slumber, you guys should review!